Existential Gorification

Check

2011-01-27T02:37:00.000+08:00

Here's your post YY. It seems you're the only one who regularly reads my blog now HAHA.

So...it's been almost a month since I wrote them resolutions and I feel rather proud that I've actually accomplished a few of them :) IMO la.

I think resolutions 1, 8-13 I've more or less accomplished. However, I'm still doing shit-all for work within my group, my selective memory still exists, I may or may not have more than one target (this one is really, really confusing so I won't elaborate), and I'm still not too empathetic yet; around the same as I'd always been actually. I haven't jogged once since making the resolution to get fit. 6 and 7 are pretty debatable; I feel like most people don't quite enjoy my normal voice. Sadly, my vocal range is low. I do practice here and there but I guess not so much.

Well...7 out of 14. Not bad, not bad.

Next point...my BIRTHDAY! *fanfare* Last year's birthday was kind of disappointing for me and I felt like I made the wrong choice. I did get some nice presents which I really appreciate (I'm still using that jacket, that mic is surprisingly still working and that poster is still on my wall :D the book's with my friend though lol. However, I finished it, so it's all good). I feel rather bad because I'm not the sort who normally buys presents and I receive presents regardless. Not that many but I wasn't expecting much anyway. This year I'm not expecting many presents too. Maybe 1-2? Birthday gifts may not be mandatory, but it's nice to receive them regardless. The best gift for me though, would be to celebrate it with my best friends, and having them enjoy it as well. Let's be honest; who wants to celebrate their birthday with a bunch of people who don't even look like they want to be there? No one. No exception here.

So, I hope I'll make the right decision this year and celebrate it with the right people. Not that last year I celebrated it with the WRONG people, but some couldn't make it and out of the rest, only 3 or 4 actually looked like they wanted to celebrate my birthday, which is kinda sucky. Then again it's just my impression, I could be wrong. But at least I'm being honest, which is a trait apparently associated with my horoscope. Truth is, it's not really nice to have the first birthday of the year out of your friends, because as the year progresses the celebrations get better and better. My birthday celebrations have always been rather sedate events due to my sheer laziness and I don't really like playing up the fact that it's my birthday - it's not supposed to be that special. Nowadays it seems rather special to me, so I dunno really. Of course there'll be the mandatory buffet with z3 League of Corruption. I'll always enjoy talking cock with them and eating ginormous amounts of food together.

Guess I'll go back to doing my work now. It's early in the morning and I haven't been this awake in a long time. Definitely not during the day. Bye :)

Resolute

2011-01-02T16:48:00.002+08:00

Okay I guess I'll just get them out before I forget about them.

HAI. DIS BE RESOLUTIONS.

1. Rage less. Self-explanatory. 2010 was the Year of FFFFFFFFUUUUUUU. I can't count the amount of times I've had to do that. There will always be things that make me angry but it's my job to take them in stride and carry on.
2. Do more work within my group. All along I'd been carried by my teammates and they've also told me to start leading (at the risk of them failing). I shall try.
3. Remember stuff. The useful stuff. See, I have no problems with remembering stuff except I have this very bad habit of overlooking something important pretty much all the time, leading to failure. It's like something is always eluding me, that last jigsaw piece is always missing and by the time I've found it, it doesn't matter any longer. That is highly frustrating. To aid myself in this I've started using notes on my phone. I shall utilize notes more often because I've found them to actually work...so yeah.
4. Stick to one. Another bad habit. Since I've already given up on 2 out of 3, this shouldn't be too hard...unless someone else comes in. Which seems to be happening. Choices will have to be made and they can't be the same ones I made last year because that ended up in failure.
5. Increase my empathy levels. Okay I'm not a very empathetic person for some reason; sometimes I can't comprehend a person's problems because I've had no experience with it myself. I try hard but it just doesn't turn out well, so I should start actually putting myself in others' shoes rather than thinking only from my perspective. I did that before and...again, that failed. It seems I really failed a lot last year. In my own opinion, of course.
6. Improve my singing. I can't sing as well as I'd like. The key is to practice...which comes to my next resolution:
7. Practice moar. This applies to anything that I need to get better at. Guitar, singing, studies...the list goes on. I've never been one to practice. My best subject in secondary school was the one that I never had to practice for. Of course practice becomes easier when you actually enjoy what you're doing. But if I have to practice for something I don't particularly enjoy, I'll have to find a way to enjoy it more. That's all I can do, really.
8. Trust my friends. Self-explanatory. I don't trust my friends with a lot of things. It's hard for me to open up. I think some alcohol will help with that though XD
9. Be less jealous. Or better yet, don't bother getting jealous at all. My green eyes came up a hell lot last year and I didn't think it was necessary, yet I couldn't help myself.
10. Care more. This probably ties in with the fifth one. It's just my opinion but I don't think I care about others enough. Someone told me I put myself above others.
11. Get better clothes. My clothes are pretty tacky. I don't really enjoy wearing them and it shows. Years of never paying much attention to my appearace has reared its ugly head. Now that I'm paying a LITTLE BIT of attention, I feel like I really don't dress well for a guy my age. I'll need some help, but for the most part I have to pick my clothes properly.
12. Be less of a cheapskate. I'm a huge cheapskate. I always prefer to get cheaper items but they are never good enough. Quality is needed.
13. Learn what to say and what not to say. I've always prided myself somewhat for having no tact whatsoever when I don't require it, but now I think I should exercise some tact because I realise I can really hurt people easily merely by saying some words that are better not said. This will only come with experience though.
14. Get fit. I'm horrendously unfit right now because all I do is eat unhealthy food, sleep and sit at the computer all day. As a result I sometimes pant when climbing overhead bridges <_< So I shall go jogging on Sunday mornings if I remember to lol.

I think that's about all I can remember. I should read this post often so that I remember all this stuff. It's not easy to remember for me at all.

Happy 2011 :)

Niche

2010-12-08T00:43:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm here to tell a story.

People, can be compared to a box of screwdrivers.

You have the ones who can (supposedly) do anything AND have a nice design. Swiss army knife? Yeah something like that. Then you have screwdrivers which can screw different bolts and nuts depending on its shape. AND THEN you have the screwdriver, that can barely fit in any bolts. It's small and unassuming, so it's hard to even twist it. It looks like crap. It can probably only ever screw in/out less than five nails in its pathetic lifetime. Yet, this screwdriver sits in the box waiting for its time when it's needed while pretty much every other screwdriver is taken out, somebody having found a use for it. Hell, some of them can't do shit but are used anyway because they look good, even though they probably break easily. Let's call that screwdriver the 'niche' screwdriver, since it can only unscrew a select few nails which don't seem to even exist.

But why are they picked over this pathetic small non-goodlooking screwdriver? Maybe they simply attracted the attention of the owner. A diamond-laden screwdriver. A screwdriver that was made completely black, A screwdriver with a fucken Winnie the Pooh on it. All these, somehow gets picked over the ugly screwdriver. I don't think I need to explain why. Despite their apparent uselessness.

And so the 'niche' screwdriver, sick of being overlooked all the goddamn time, decided to just walk out of the box and seek a nail that it can unscrew. There were several tables, chairs, desks, you name it. All chock-filled with nails, screws and bolts everywhere. And of course, it tried to unscrew all of them. Clearly you know the result: the screwdriver was unable to unscrew any of them. In fact, some were repulsed that the niche screwdriver actually tried. Others were more kind to it, but ultimately they knew that the screwdriver could never screw the. However, they told it that there was definitely a nail that the screwdriver could fit in - just not them, of course.

By this time the niche screwdriver was obviously quite pissed off. With the bolts that refused to be unscrewed by it. They were made to be screwed by others anyway. With all the other screwdrivers who got to screw them while it could not. And of course with the nails that refused to be found. But it knew it had to be patient. After all, it WAS made for a purpose. And while its purpose had yet to be found, there was definitely a nail it could unscrew.

The niche screwdriver said bye to all the previous nails. He didn't really fit with them but at least they tried to help it and stuff. And onwards it continued with its journey, to other places, searching for The One Nail.

AN: Okay I got this idea when I was in the toilet and I don't deny that it's based a bit off my life and my general frustration, but hey at least I'm not giving up. And I do believe I'm that niche. I mean, I can't do anything that other typical people can do. I do all the weird things that others don't. I don't satisfy people the way others can, and rather importantly, I just don't attract much attention even if I do something crazy.

Yet that's no cause for giving up on everything. For one, my conscience wouldn't even allow it. Another reason, I don't believe that One Nail isn't somewhere. I haven't found it but I sure do hope to find it :P Wishful thinking? Probably. But when the alternative is rotting in a corner begging for attention, I think I'll take the more stoic path.

I'm tired so I won't elaborate more. I ran out of creativity too. Hey, this is my first post in half a year. I said I'd close my blog when I got a girlfriend...I was just on a hiatus and ran to Twitter. Twitter is causing my English standard to go down like crazy since it has that annoying 140-word limit, so I felt the need to start writing again. I really feel like my calling is in writing, not in goddamn IT or eCommerce or developing mobile applications. I'm not interested in any of the three. Just another bad decision in the hundreds I've made. Well tata. Maybe I won't take another six months to get up another post.

Wahhhhwahhhhh - ze hiatus

2010-08-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

I really tried to make a post several times over the past month, but failed every time. This'll remain dead until my mythical keyboard revives it :)

Nightenday

2010-06-19T13:43:00.000+08:00

Has anyone ever noticed that when you try to ask for help ON SOMETHING LIKE FACEBOOK, you're actually wishing, with all your heart, that that ONE person will be the one who'd ask you 'what's wrong?' and you get really happy (well, slightly more happy than previously). Attention-seeking much? Yes. However, I wouldn't fault a person for doing it. Because I do it too <_< Most humans, that is, extroverts, crave attention. Only true introverts would say 'no, there isn't any point in doing something like that; I'm perfectly fine without having to receive attention'. And I realised a few days ago that I AM an extrovert, despite occasional evidence to the contrary, but it was simply because I do have a few introvert traits but on the whole I'm supposed to be an extrovert, albeit a rather shy one.

How extroverted, exactly? If I were to believe the test that I took (yes, I do enjoy taking tests like these), 51%. That percentage, however, is actually a 'socialibity meter', and Introvert is on the far left. Extrovert is, well, on the far right. I use too many commas, forgive me. So I'm just 1% over the neutral rating, but according to my friend that'd just count as being extroverted, so yeah. The description was also similarly neutral, but slightly leaning towards the extroverted side (HURR DURR). I do crave friendships and attention at times but not all the time. Sometimes I also like alone time although I cannot go with either for a long time, i.e. I can't be alone all the time, neither can I be in the company of friends all the time. The result of being neutral.

I also found that I'm really neutral about a lot of other things. I'm middle-brained (or as some would like to call it, a no-brainer), I generally don't have much opinion on things and most of my replies to a subjective question is 'ok lor'. Neutral, that's where I belong, apparently. Sometimes I walk on the line that is Neutrality into the thresholds of either side but at the end of the day, I can't change my nature that easily.

Ramble ramble. I'm kinda self-centered, eh? I don't even talk about other people often. That's because I'm uncomfortable talking about other people. I keep most of my thoughts to myself. Many people see it as having no thoughts, but just because I don't voice them out it doesn't mean I haven't got anything to say. As a result I'm a pretty quiet guy. If anyone's ever noticed, the talkative ones are the ones who just say whatever comes up in their mind. To be honest, my mind is probably as cluttered as theirs but the difference is those thoughts remain thoughts, except when I feel like dumping them of course.

No more juice nao. Not expecting anyone to enjoy reading the Self-Centered Life of Your Mather.

2010-06-09T16:28:00.000+08:00

You know something? The less depressed I am, the less likely I'll blog. HAHA. Y'all better hope I don't post often because most of the time I post because I'm depressed over something or another. Although tbh the reasons always revolve around the same few people one la <_< girls and all. But those problems are (supposedly?) behind me now and I THINK I'm ready to, uhh, have no love interest? LOL. I can't remember a day for the past few years where I didn't have a love interest and having one just makes my life on the whole, sadder. Because it be so unrequited OKAY LET'S CUT THAT EMO CRAP OUT OF THIS POST SHALL WE? Even I'm getting sick of it.

Soooooo I haven't got anything to do besides study, but since my test is at 4pm tomorrow I think I can take it easy heh. Got past two tests so far, definitely not 'A' material, hell, not even B...but when you're on skype with one of the most talkative persons I've ever met while trying to study, not much is going to go in. Yes, being on skype hurts my studying :x

And dota, of course. Because of the damn WCG this Friday most of my brain cells were used on thinking about drafts and heroes and all that shit. And I'm not even sure I can get through the first round, or if I can make it in time for my Database test which is at 4! The match is at 3 and the test at 4; splendid timing, no? I'll just allow myself to be late, this just means I'll have to rush a hell lot but I always rush through my papers anyway. I use the extra time to do nothing just because I have that sort of extra time. I remember never having much time at all during maths papers even to stone, ahahahaha. Nowadays every paper I get at least half an hour to, well, stone. Mostly because I can't conjure walls of text based on facts. If my brain wasn't clogged with so much stuff I bet I'd get AD for every paper or smth. I'll just settle with C's even though I'm not supposed...I'm supposed to get at least B! But if there's one thing I've learned about studying, it's that if I was never good at something, I'll never become VERY good at it. Just...decent. With the exception of Java maybe, but that stuff was last sem work. A miracle that I got B for OOP, but that doesn't count for much in the overall scheme of things...gosh I really hate memory work and how Singapore's education system merely tries to make us remember a crapload of stuff in order to do well. I have half a mind to just go overseas and study instead since I don't think I'll ever get into an university here. The problem is where, and the MONEH.

Guess that's enough of non-emo rambling. Hope you like it more although I've gotten feedback saying my emo stuff is funny as well HAHA.

2010-06-02T13:09:00.002+08:00

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. For me, the keyboard is mightier than the pen :ninja:

2010-06-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

http://ipersonic.com/type/SI.html

Spontaneous Idealists are creative, lively and open-minded persons. They are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Their enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. They enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature.

This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them. In extreme cases, they tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for them is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, they quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Their creativity, their imaginativeness and their originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - they then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. They therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

If you have a Spontaneous Idealist as your friend, you will never be bored; with them, you can enjoy life to the full and celebrate the best parties. At the same time, they are warm, sensitive, attentive and always willing to help. If Spontaneous Idealists have just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and their new partners are showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for them once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for them so that many Spontaneous Idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep their curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, Spontaneous Idealists can be inspiring and loving partners.

Adjectives which describe your type: spontaneous, enthusiastic, idealistic, extroverted, theoretical, emotional, relaxed, friendly, optimistic, charming, helpful, independent, individualistic, creative, dynamic, lively, humorous, full of zest for life, imaginative, changeable, adaptable, loyal, sensitive, inspiring, sociable, communicative, erratic, curious, open, vulnerable

Kinda very different from the previous personality test I did huh? I think this suits me more outwardly though, and also with regards to several things about my inward personality. I like doing such tests for some reason; it really gives me an insight into who I am as a person and maybe even some things I'd never noticed before.

Anywhooo, common tests are mounting and I've seen all 4 common test papers from last year. Not funny. So I won't update much, just wanted to say that I seemingly have a fairy godmother because of my supposed depression who takes the form of a small bug <_<

The Last Day Of The Month.

2010-05-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

Evidently she hasn't read my blog despite all my advertising LOL. Never mind at least I improved my readership a little. Some of you know who she is, some of you don't but that's ok it could easily apply to anyone! Besides I don't want any of you to get a bad impression of her from reading this. She's actually nice and while some people simply cannot see that, I can, and it's to those people's loss that they can't see past certain aspects.

Enough of her, let's talk aboot today instead. Woke up earlier than I was supposed to (okay, like 15 mins earlier, that's not so bad <_<), then had a shaving accident when I started using the shaver in a completely wrong manner and ended up nicking my face, not once but TWICE. You'd think I'd have learned how to use a shaver the first time I nicked myself, but you know me, I don't really do stuff the proper way except when it comes to grammar <_<

Both occured when I was attempting to shave my mustache. Okay no one ever taught me about a lot of things, I mostly just 'winged it' when it came to stuff I didn't know. Using a shaver was just one of those instances where I 'winged it'. It usually goes fine but it was a different shaver (one of those SIA ones) and it's not like it was the first time I ever shaved either, but y'know...accidents happen. I'm sure shaving accidents has happened to everyone, but I don't see any of them making three whole paragraphs out of it! Herein lies the supposed charm of my blog - I don't bother with pictures or even beedioz. I just crit you for 5k dmg with my walls of text. You either love it or hate it, though I haven't seen anyone who's actually loved OR hated it, that's another story for another paragraph ^^

Note: I can't do eye smiles IRL, my eyes are bigger than that. Damn Koreans and their small eyes. <_< DON'T LYNCH ME.

Okay so moving on, the cuts were at a convenient location so I could pass them off as pimples. In fact no one really asked about it either so I never had to use that excuse, only Wallace saw them and figured out instantly that it was a shaving accident, no doubt he's had a few accidents of his own, except I've never seen them.Went off to school after that, but before I reached school something weird occured. First, I forgot to bring my laptop down (as usual, I only ever realise when I find my hands too free when walking out of the lift), then when I was at the bus-stop, I suddenly received a SMS stating that my cab would be arriving in 5-7 mins. I was like 'lolwut' and just, well...ignored it. Besides I didn't know where the pick-up point was.

Then a few mins later I received a call from Comfort informing me that 'my taxi had arrived'. Automated message, so I ignored that too. I hope whoever used MY number to book that cab actually got it. I've never booked a cab in my entire life, only my dad has. Since it was 11am, there was no way my dad could have been the one who booked the cab. This, of course, remains a mystery that I may never solve unless tomorrow that same person books another cab. No idea how to tell the cab company that they're telling the wrong person though...

Then the rest of the day is just rather mundane normal school life. 'Mundane' being a shitload of joking around in class and barely paying attention while still doing work. I get by with the help of my friends <_< without them I'd be, uhh, still in year 1.

WTF MY MP3 PLAYER TURNED ON FOR NO REASON. I SWEAR I DID NOT TOUCH IT. Fucking creepy. Okay I lost motivation to blog so I'll go for now. LOL. This always happens when I attempt to type out a wall of text while doing 1000 other things at the same time.

The heart takes a long time to die. Longer than I know.

2010-05-31T01:33:00.000+08:00

Hayyyyy hiiiiiii it's been a while but I haven't died, as everyone should have known...except my heart, still in the process of trying to kill it. BUT WAI, WAI SHO SADZ. WAI MUST KILL YOUR HEART.

Let's just say I don't want to agonize over stupid things any longer. I thought I'd stopped but, errr, apparently not. I thought doing what I did would have stopped myself but wtf it doesn't seem to be helping! I don't want to do that last resort because well...I can't bear to.

Dammit I'm being affected by things I shouldn't affected by. I HATE IT. Why can't I just treat you as a casual friend? Maybe this is a hint telling me to never reproduce, because I'd progenate stupid kids who think too much and asplode due to total self-induced depression. Fuck.

I want very much to be a part of your life. But clearly this won't happen the way I want it to so I should just stop wishing for it and just fuck off from your life because I'm starting to feel like I'm not supposed to be anywhere around you. Thinking too much again? Maybe it's not that drastic and you're actually doing what I'm supposed to be thinking - that I'm just your friend and I should treat you likewise. If only it were that easy. HAIYA. At least this post gives me a wider picture so it's not all just me ranting on about stuff that no one cares about. Call it a mind-clearing post, if you will. I've had walls of texts and 'release' posts, and I find it always helps to type out your feelings. I foresee myself using this a bit more often in the future. Been lazy thus far since I've got twitter and stuff and even though things have drastically changed within the month I'm still back at square 1. Actually, it's not even a square of a positive number because I seem to be getting worse la.

This isn't really meant for you to read since you'd read it and simply say 'you're thinking too much I'll let you handle it yourself bai'. Such is the polarity that we view each other by, but no matter how sad this notion is I'll just have to live with it.

And maybe find someone else to live for. Scratch that, I SHOULD seek greener pastures. Sticking around isn't going to work out for me. I don't really get any benefits anyway so it's a mystery why I bother moo-ing around you when you're busy with everything else, such that my moos are waved away as noise.

And the metaphors become sadder.

Can't help it, thoughts usually get worse with time. Nothing's really worked out for me.

Oh hay, I just went and removed you from 'Favourites'. It's for the best. You won't read this, but if you need me I'll still be there. Because I'm nice like that. Removing you from Favourites does a lot of things.

1. I won't be able to see whether you're online. This will save myself from having to talk to you because I get this insatiable urge to talk to you whenever you're online.
2. Since I no longer derive any sort of pleasure from talking to you, it makes little sense for you to remain at the top of my list.
3. I don't initiate convos with people who aren't in my Favourites list. In fact I never talk to anyone except my two groups and two others on my list. The rest are just...there. Congratulations, you've just joined 'the rest who are just...there'. This won't even affect you one bit la, but it makes a lot of difference to me. Again, polarizing thoughts about each other.
4. You were at the top of my list. Pretty much the only one I always wanted to talk to. That's how sad I am, that I don't have anyone else to talk to. It's a mystery why I chose you, but I guess it's because you were...nice? Now you've given up on being nice, I don't have any nice people to talk to already. Again, congratulations.

Well, probably for the best. See, blogging does wonders! While writing this I actually stumbled on my solution. Thank you blogger. You did a lot more for me than Twitter ever did. I kinda miss writing walls of texts (as you found to your dismay because I kept spamming you with words and I don't think you liked that much) and despite my pathetic readership I'm fine with that. It's not like I really make an effort to advertise this anyway; most people I know aren't into reading walls of texts, I don't think.

Almost therapeutic, this...blogging thing. Should do this more often. Readership of 1, rejoice! =D

2010-04-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

What happens when you're always there for anyone who needs your help but when you're the one who needs help, you can't find anyone?

Sounds like me.

2010-04-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

Hello kids. You know a hopeless fool when you see one. The guy whose mood is completely and utterly dictated by someone else. I won't give examples, but I'm sure everyone knows such a guy (or girl), the one who's 'in love - and is totally annoying everyone else with his constant yapping'. Love is stupidity, I always told myself and anyone who'd listen. Of course at the time I coined that phrase I was in a particularly foul and cynical mood (which is occuring a lot these days). No it's not PMS, no it's not because of my studies (god forbid), it's just...that.

The reason for my foul and cynical mood was pretty simple. I wasn't talking to someone then. I can't remember when exactly I coined that phrase but it had to be last year. Just a someone can make me so...uh, foul and cynical, I feel quite ashamed now that I think about it.

If I were to phrase everything I'd said thus far in a different way, it would be likened to an addiction. I've never taken drugs, nor have I ever smoked, but I'd imagine it feels similar, how all those druggies and smokers feel and go through. They go insane if they don't get their fix. And they simply can't help themselves. This I can understand, although if they actually had a bit of willpower they wouldn't get themselves into such a situation anyway.

I had no such luxury. Those few months last year felt like cold turkey but not for a day did I manage to break the addiction. And it's just as well that...to put it metaphorically, of course, I eventually got my fix later. But this 'fix' is short-lived and has to be fed, apparently, because I still go crazy after like 2-3 days.

Why am I using such a weird metaphor? Two reasons: I feel uncomfortable actually typing it out plainly so I had to wrap it in a metaphor. The other reason is that said metaphor seems to explain my situation pretty damn well. I suppose this isn't as bad as smoking or being addicted to drugs since...this isn't harmful, is it? I don't know, to be honest.

Cold turkey didn't work, distractor didn't work. For all my 'strong' will I've found it pretty feeble. Once again I feel pretty ashamed that I got wrapped up in all this. At the same time I'm thankful that a repeat of last year hasn't occured yet.

Stars, I'm going crazy.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

2010-03-28T15:42:00.000+08:00

Quoted from...somewhere. Certainly not George Carlin, although it sounds like him.

"What an extremely arresting, august, brilliant, chivalric, commanding, elegant, elevated, exalted, excellent, fine, glittering, gorgeous, grand, grandiose, high-minded, imperial, imposing, impressive, lavish, lofty, luxurious, magnanimous, magnific, majestic, noble, opulent, outstanding, palatial, plush, pompous, posh, proud, radiant, regal, resplendent, rich, royal, smashing, splendid, standout, stately, striking, sublime, sumptuous, superb, superior, superlative, swanky, towering, transcendent idea you got there."

I'm It. I think I'll stay It.

2010-03-10T05:32:00.000+08:00

I find it funny that I never blog about happy stuff and only turn to it when I have a lot of stuff on my mind, mostly negative thoughts. No wonder people say I'm emo <_< I never tell anyone when I'm happy but when I'm sad it just naturally appears.

But the important thing is that when you're happy I'll definitely be happy too.

Anyway, I was tagged on Facebook but I don't like tagging others so I might as well do it here for fun.

1. In case of a fire you:
Grab all laptop-related items I have and GTFO.

2. If you see a dead cat on the road you:
Look at it curiously for a bit then walk off. It's happened twice in my life.

3. When you see an aeroplane coming to crash into your house you:
GTFO.

4. In a fight, you:
Flail around lol. Never been in one so I don't know actually.

5. If you're bored you:
Find stuff to do if I'm online. If I'm like outside or smth I'd...still try to find stuff to do. Sing.

6. When you're in a relationship you:
have no idea because I've never been in one.

7. In a relationship the most important thing is:
TRUST. Wtf if you can't trust your partner then there's no point.

8. If a person of the opposite sex told you they love you:
I'd be like 'Cool'. Let's wait and see if that ever happens <_<

9. When you've lost the person you love, you:
become emo. Probably try to forget that person but fail, lolol.

10. In a jungle you:
GTFO. LOL.

11. If you're alone & you see a person of the opposite sex crying alone you:
well it depends on if I actually know that person. If I don't, I'd wonder why she was crying but I wouldn't ask because I'm not the type who'd do that.

12. When in the night and you see a fullmoon you:
...take a picture of it. Well, that was what I did the last time I saw one <_<

13. In life you:
lose eventually. It's game over when you die, but trying to win never hurt anyone, did it?

14. If you could be an animal what would it be?:
RHINO. I dunno. Random.

15. When it's raining you:
like it because it's not frigging sunny. But if I'm outside and had to go home or smth I'd curse.

16. In this world, you:
are one of 6 billion people and is somehow unique and ubiquitous at the same time.

17. If you became a millionaire you:
would still live the same life that I'd always done. Only spend when I have to. I was brought up frugal =D

18. When you love someone what do u always think of?:
I don't even know if I've ever loved anyone. I always think about what that person could be doing/thinking though.

19. In the toilet you:
read. bath. do my business. all three at the same time. and make up songs that are forgotten as soon as I step out.

20. If you found out the person you love doesn't even like you:
like that's never happened before LOL. I'd see if we could still be friends. Otherwise, I'd cut my losses and move on...or at least attempt to anyway.

21. When you grow up you:
don't know wtf will happen. I'm the sort who takes things a day at a time. Let nature take its course.

I didn't have a nap today and I managed to stay up until now...great I guess. Will probably wake up before 3pm again because I can never sleep past that time. If I want to sleep after that I can though, with few problems. WEIRD HUH.

Still kinda undecided although I've for the most part made up my mind. Nothing seems to be confirmed. Cryptic!

Slam Dunk wins.

And that is all. Until next time.

2010-03-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

It's a ripping cycle. Once again, ripped from Jovi's blog which was ripped from his friend's blog. I got bored.

Who is the last person you sent a text to?
Victoria.

Do you get jealous easily?
...not sure. A little?

Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
Don't know. Only that person can answer.

What are you currently waiting for?
The next WGM episode!

Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too?
I'm not sure if that person actually meant it in that kind of context. But as a friend, yeah definitely.

Is anything wrong with your eyes?
Not at all.

Who were the last people you saw besides from family?
CCA people.

If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to?
Umm...Victoria? I dunno since she always goes to me for stuff too. <_<

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Shao Xi, same block.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Any soft drink with the word 'Diet' in it is frowned upon.

Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
No?

Does your bedroom need cleaning?
It always does. I just never clean it.

July 4th or St. Patrick’s Day?
Neither.

Are you comfortable with your height?
I'd prefer to be a few cm taller, but other than that I don't have problems with it.

Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not really. I just act like I usually do.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?
A large majority don't even know what the word 'love' means. Those who do, good for them.

How fast does your mood change?
A matter of a few seconds.

What do you always take with you?
Wallet, phone, house keys. I need them no matter where I go. Stuff like mp3 player and laptop are optional.

Anything on your walls?
Posters! =DDDD Some of them were put up by my sister though.

Has a boy/girl called you babe/baby lately?
No. And I wouldn't like it either.

Is there something that you want to tell someone but can’t?
Yes.

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
Not really, but I try my best.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Yeah.

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
I can't swim.

Does anyone know your passwords besides you?

No.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Qoo White Grape <_<

How many times have you dyed your hair?
Twice.

Can you count past 1111?
1112? 1113? Lolwut. Otherwise if this is a trick question and relates to binary, no. For 4-bit anyway.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
Maybe. I hate 'what if' questions.

How old will you be in 17 months?
19 years old and...a certain amount of months.

Do your best friends’ parents tend to like you?
Uhhh, no idea.

What’s your all-time favorite ROMANCE movie?
I can't even remember the last romance movie I watched. Skipping this <_<

Are any of your friends taller than you?
Yeah, quite a lot too.

Ever liked someone whose name started with a A?
Let me think...no.

Ever really cried your heart out?
When I was a kid.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
In some ways, yes.

Is there a difference between love and IN love?
Where's the OUT love?

Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don’t?
Yeah. It's a matter of keeping to your word.

Did 2008 treat you good?
Overall? Not really. Years can't treat me to anything.

Do you think you were raised well?
I think my dad's implanted in me some things that I can be proud of.

Are you someone’s best friend?
Yeah. I'm in the BFFs! <_<

Where was the last place you were when you threw up?
My house's bedroom toilet.

What’s worse: liars or cheaters?
I'm a liar myself (on some occasions, when I absolutely have to), but I never cheat. So, cheaters.

Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
YES. No smoking.

What’s usually colder, your hands or your feet?
I don't know...LOL. I think my feet.

What’s your favorite type of flower?
I don't like flowers!

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to:
I can't stop, love love love. - Epik High "Love Love Love"
Mainly because that's one of the only lyrics I recognize.

Do you like competition?
Healthy competition, yes.

Do you think two people can last forever?
No. Nothing is forever.

Do you live in a ghetto neighborhood?
Cool story, bro.

Who was the ugliest person you saw today?
Why would I remember things like that? I only remember pretty people XP

Has a song ever made you cry?

Made my eyes watery, yes. Really cry? No.

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
Yeah, look at the earthquakes! <_<

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
Tiny, and very messy and illegible.

Your phone rings, what do you say?
"Hello?" Barely any exceptions.

Has anyone ever said they wanted to marry you?
Nahhh.

Do you ever cry during romantic movies?
Sometimes I yawn during such movies and my eyes become teary. That's the closest I ever get to crying.

Do you always answer your phone?
Depending on who's calling. If it's someone I want to avoid (like my CCA people calling me to ask whether I'm coming), then no. Otherwise, yes, if I actually notice.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
Yeah...but not in that kind of context. I think it's more of a 'I love you as a friend' thing.

Who was the last person you had a sleepover with?
Errr, YY.

Are you ticklish?
I giggle even if you don't touch me.

No Joke.

2010-02-26T16:39:00.002+08:00

Hello stalkers. I'm back.

So yesterday wasn't much, everything began at night...went to Bugis to meet Les and Renyong, then bought CK's present. After buying a Zippo (encouraging him to smoke more, good one) they actually thought that it wasn't enough. Okay...they were thinking that they hadn't spent enough, but to be honest presents don't have to be expensive...what I was rather miffed about was that they didn't even buy me anything and they were saying right there, after already buying one present that they had to buy another one. In the end they didn't but still...I can't help but feel rather sad. Of course I know friendship isn't measured by material crap like this. Also I don't expect anything because I never do anything for anyone, so don't get it wrong, I'm NOT asking for presents. Besides, my birthday is over and it wasn't special at all. But the way my friends celebrate my birthday and celebrate others'...is totally different. Maybe because I couldn't actually be arsed about it, with my haphazard planning and all, not to mention they didn't get to go to the zoo because I didn't really want to, so my friends didn't bother to make it worthwhile for me.

It might be that I always have a facade I put on, that I can't be arsed about anything, just to make stuff easier for me in general. I don't know if people can actually see through it, or if they actually get fooled. Because I'm not the type to show my feelings in front of people.

So continuing on...we bought the liquor and headed over to Baldric's house. Drank a bottle of vodka (shared between 9-10 people...) and some people got drunk, yadda yadda...talked and slacked around. Men's talk, yeah.

Well, so I ended up cabbing home with Les and Renyong at about 2-plus. And it was lucky that I didn't go to sleep immediately because I had some business to attend to. I won't go into detail but...wishful thinking never had any positive effect on anyone. I was a victim of wishful thinking and UP TILL YESTERDAY, you can say I still had thoughts that were based on assumptions. I got rid of them today. If they come up again, I'll completely disregard them. It's all I can do to stop myself getting hurt.

Yeah I actually have feelings and I was being completely serious in this post, I just realised. Not in the style of my previous posts, I must admit...but I had a lot of stuff on my mind. Especially after the 4-hour chatting session, I realise just how much some people want to make others sad with them when they're down. Everyone knows you're feeling sad, but trying to make the other person sad too is just UNFAIR and SELFISH. If you really like this person then that's not something you should be doing, and more importantly RESPECT THEIR DECISIONS! My gawd, some people are just way over their heads. It really reflects on you poorly on a person and even if it's the third time this has happened to you, it's totally not their fault that they don't reciprocate...you can't force love, dammit. Being nice, sadly, isn't going to get you anywhere. Now I've learnt this, but I won't stop being (very) nice to people I care about, because I don't do it for an ulterior motive. In a way of course I hope something good will come out of it but if not, then it doesn't matter to me. Seeing the people I care about being unhappy and depressed is even worse for me.

And it is exactly this reason why...I cannot say anything.

Well, something more light-hearted, because...y'know, y so srs? I've always been the non-serious type.

There are songs that I like simply for the melody, and then there are songs I like for the lyrics. For most people lyrics are a very important element of a song, but it doesn't matter as much to me. That's why I can enjoy death metal, and it also applies to stuff like J-pop or K-pop since I don't understand much Korean or Japanese. Sometimes I'm interested in some of their lyrics because they can actually mean something. Korean songs are almost invariably about love (I haven't heard a song yet without the word 'sarang', which means 'love', in it), and they seem to have a knack for producing ballads because I really like Korean ballads. Tissues must really hold a lot of value to them because practically every drama is sad. I also like dance pop, though ironically I do not enjoy dancing or actually watching people dance. It's like how I can't really appreciate art in anything more than a superficial manner. Music's different, however, to me anyway. I rely a lot on my eyes, but for some reason they don't 'see' as much as others. And I'm not just talking about eyesight. I mean the ability to observe my surroundings and look out for things when I'm watching something. I don't seem to do it nearly as well as others can. Yet I have apparently-perfect vision. How ironic.

Heh. I suddenly remember that I once said I'd close this blog once I got a girlfriend. I think this blog will live until I die, at this rate. HAHA.

2010-02-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

Okay I haven't updated my blog in years. To be perfectly honest I haven't got anything to say (THAT I WANT TO REVEAL TO EVERYONE). That's exactly the reason why I didn't update. I'd always excercised a certain amount of self-restraint when making posts, always wondering if certain people would see them. I don't think I should do this for much longer but I can't help it really.

Anyway, ripped from Jovi's blog...

Your personality type: "Analytical Thinker"

Logical, original, creative thinkers. Can become very excited about theories and ideas. Exceptionally capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. Highly value knowledge, competence and logic. Quiet and reserved, hard to get to know well. Individualistic, having no interest in leading or following others. Highly analytical, they can discover connections between two seemingly unrelated things and work best when allowed to use their imagination and critical thinking.

Careers that could fit you include:

Physicists, chemists, biologists, photographers, strategic planners, mathematicians, university professors, computer programmers, computer animators, technical writers, engineers, lawyers, forensic researchers, writers, artists, psychologists, social scientists, systems analysts, researchers, surveyors.

Creative yet logical. Somehow contradictory but that's just how I am. I'd always loved being creative and coming up with random bullshit, yet at the same time I've always found that my thoughts are very logical. Therefore I think this analysis is pretty accurate, heh. I love a lot of these jobs too, but I haven't got the qualifications required, except maybe for computer programmer. Lololol.

I know you heard me sing 'Can You Hear Me'. LOL. I still don't know if I sang it well (or if I should even be singing songs with such a vocal range), no one ever tells me how well I sing, which is kinda weird. Not even if it's bad =/ They just ask me to stop or something. I WANT FEEDBACK. SO IF I'M BAD, I'LL STOP!

Hungry. Mum pparently thinks one big pau is enough to last me through the whole night, when I actually have a big pau for breakfast almost everyday when I go to school...barely two hours later I have to eat again!

And since it's CNY, I'll just announce that I lost a total of $0.75 so far from gambling, but collected $390 in angbao money so WHO CARES? Probably my biggest haul, I remember last year I got less than $200. Of course my dad contributed like $250 (on top of the $800 for my birthday and other stuff...sheeeet). $140 from bai nian alone isn't bad at all! Definitely better than past years where I didn't even hit $100...

I swear my luck's getting better, no matter what the zodiac or horoscope says <_< wait I think my horoscope reading's pretty good for once. I still don't believe in it though.

I may/may not update more next time. See mood. Serial killer (judging by appearance alone) signing off.

2010-01-31T03:26:00.000+08:00

Filler post just so that my only post of January isn't a negative one. That post reflects badly on my month as a whole, because it was actually great! Well, kinda great. Good enough that I didn't even have to blog much, if at all.

// ends off with 'PONYTAILS WIN'

2010-01-13T09:19:00.000+08:00

First off, I'm throughly annoyed by my classmate. He isn't doing too well in his studies, but does not make enough of an effort to try to improve his grades. Sure he tries, but he's totally doing it wrong. After seeing the crap he produced for his common tests, he decides that this isn't the course for him. Fuck, this isn't the course for me either but I'm still in it, doing fine. I understand that without interest, you're never going to do well at anything, but he's just taking the easy way out. Who's to say that he will definitely do well at the course he wants to go to? Yet he is so sure that he has 'lost interest' in the course, after, what, 9 months? Sure I respect his decision, and I'm no stranger to dropping subjects since I did that in secondary school. However, I still think it's a hasty decision, and we actually told him to give it one last try. But nooooo. Once again, taking the easy way out, he decides that he has to change course ASAP. He doesn't even want to try. Weak-willed. Spineless. It fucking disgusts me. This is the epitome of the ugly Singaporean, folks. And even after all that talking to him, he decides to ignore it and blames us for not supporting him in his hastily-made decision. It's okay, he doesn't understand our words at all anyway. An obvious issue at hand was a psychological barrier that he'd made, believing that he could never do well. Well obviously you're never going to do well if you don't even study properly, yes? Retaking modules is one thing; completely changing course and starting over is another. I just hope he doesn't come to regret his decision later on, but I wish him good luck and that he'd have fun at his new course, although with his current mindset I highly doubt he'd ever get anywhere. Harsh? Not really. That's just my opinion and it's up to him to prove everyone, including himself, wrong.

He'd probably never see this. That's alright. He doesn't need to read this either since he'd just label it as me not being supportive of him. I'm not his friend anyway, or so he says, since I don't support him *rolls eyes*

2009-12-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

I voice-acted in this! Support! Lololololol.

Story: I was supposed to help Vernon do his project (a commercial) by voice-acting for him as a Chinese guy who's showing his American client around China. We just ad-libbed the whole thing without a script and one of the 'bad' takes ended up like this. It happened to be...relatively funny, I think. I think I channelled the spirits of Russell Peters, Peter Chao and Ownage (from the prank calls) within that one minute alone <_<

Case #284

2009-12-05T14:01:00.000+08:00

Inadequate sleep is inadequate. I don't think I'd had a good night's sleep since...last weekend? Everyday I reach home after 7pm and I end up having no time to take naps or anything like that, except on the bus which barely even counts. Not to mention the steam of projects we've been thrown with. 7 weeks have flown by so quickly that tests are coming in two weeks...I don't feel stressed for some reason lol. I really should be revising my work though, haven't exactly been paying attention in class...

Needs to curb those late night till at least after tests...I hope. Lol.

Short post because I largely don't know what to say, ahaha. I'm usually guilty of over-reading into people's actions, and most of the time I don't get my conjectures right either because people tend to hide the true meaning of their actions with layers upon layers, and sometimes I can't peel them all off <_< but yeah...I know how some people just can't be straightforward with certain stuff; I'm the same way. Take this stupid paragraph for example, LOL. I could have explained it in a much simpler way but I just applied a few layers upon the words making it a little difficult to know exactly who/what I'm talking about, though it's actually pretty simple. *shrug*

Don't over-read my words though, LOL.

...and black is white.

2009-12-01T16:42:00.004+08:00

Okay shit I pressed Enter after typing out the title.

The title's actually a song title that I'm thinking of writing, but I'm not sure what lyrics I should base it on. Any ideas, anonymous and known readers? <_< and I'm definitely sure the anonymous ones amount to more than I imagine because I've started to whore this blog on my MSN. They all probably left with the impression that 'it needed more pics because I can't read walls of text'. Do take note that if you do not like walls of text, this is not the blog to be in. Go look at whatever blogger is 'in' these days (I'm not up to date). Since I'll probably never have unknown people constantly viewing this blog unless I have something controversial (like umm I could say that I'm a transsexual and post pics that I scrounged off the intarweb, but then people will sexpose me), I'll just cater to the ones who know me.

I know I've said this several times but I can't get enough of female vocalists <_< there are too many to list and I'm the lazy fuck we all know (whether you all love me is debatable). Add keyboards with said female vocalists and I'd be 10x more likely to love it. That's why I actually like I've music (trance features lots and lots of keyboard spamming) and Corrinne May lololol.

The ever-growing list of bands with female singers that I like (rather in alphabetical order because I'm using my mp3 player to check <_<):
After Forever (Floor Jansen)
Airi Kirishima (only one song; to heaRt, but that song's fucken awesome)
Akiko Shikata
Aya Hirano
Ayana
Brown Eyed Girls
Corrinne May
Deadlock (
Eclipse (Haruka Tomatsu, Hayami Saori, Nakajima Megumi; as a side note I like Megumi/Citron's singing the most.)
Eiko Shimamiya
Girls' Generation (LOLOLOLOL)
HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR
Hikasa Yoko (from K-On! Mioooooo.)
IKU
Kaori Utatsuki
Kara
Kawada Mami
KOTOKO
Rie Kugimiya
Lia
Maaya Sakamoto (Platinum ftw! Cardcaptor Sakura lololol)
Megumi Hayashibara
MELL
Mikuni Shimokawa
Mizuki Nana
ROUND TABLE feat. Nino
school food punishment (Yumi <3)
Seira Kagami
SNSD (JUST JOKING LOL THEY'RE UP THERE)
Stolen Babies
Stream of Passion (Marcela Bovio)
The Project Hate MCMXCIX (Jonna Enckell)
THE SPIN
Vanessa Carlton
Wonder Girls

Okay most of them seem to be Jap artistes. I don't listen to much English besides Corrinne May. I only discriminate against Chinese singers, other languages are extremely welcome. Just look at the sporadic K-pop girl groups on my list <_<

E.

2009-11-28T03:28:00.000+08:00

Lol, sorry about the previous blank post. I didn't intend it to be like that because I accidentally clicked on 'Publish Post' before I even wrote anything on it, then after that I forgot to change/delete it. I decided to just leave it there since the title was cool. I mean, hey, it's Ninja, and who doesn't love ninjas? Especially ones with death stares.

Okay I'm not exactly sure why I decided to update this hunk of junk so suddenly, but I think it has to do with reading other people's blogs - most of my updates are there because I read some blog before that. For less detailed, but no less random or eccentric musings, look at my Teeter. You can see it even if you don't sign up, so yeah...not that many people actually even remember I have a blog now. Then again I never do much advertising for this blog.

School is uber-tiring, and to make matters worse I can't seem to sleep on buses anymore; when I do I start aching everywhere around my body...I used to really like long bus rides but now it can be torturous to sit there for an hour (sometimes up to an hour and a half during peak hours), unable to get any shut-eye. They're still great for listening to music, and I really like the shuffle function. It can be difficult to listen to 3077 songs (the current amount of songs I have), but this is alleviated somewhat by the shuffle function; not to mention my mp3 player has a 'Shuffle All' button on its main menu, which is, well, great. Hahaha.

Oh snap, the after-effects of the steamboat. I ate alot of shitty stuff, and did some funny shit too, while at Kenny's house. One word: dare. My appetite is rather a concern because I'm anorexic, or so says my friends...I'm not 40-plus kg, so I'm not sure where they're coming from. I just have small hands (and that seems to co-relate to faster typing because fingers get to the letters faster, but it spells doom when learning instruments) and arms. I make practically everyone look fat next to me; again, this is what they say and I don't really agree to this, or rather I've never bothered to. Weight isn't a huge factor for me unless you're really large, or really thin. In short, if you're not either, I'd say you're fine. And that's true, at least to me!

To any new readers (not that there'd be, but I just feel like saying that!), you'd want to know that I'm a keyboard warrior, and that I usually have to think for a bit before typing out anything coherent. When I don't think of what to say, rubbish comes out. When I'm blogging I leave my brain on auto-pilot and my fingers do the talking, and they're known to be trash-talkers, and have an attention span of roughly 3.14592 seconds. You certainly don't want to trust trash-talking, attention-deficient fingers, so don't take anything I say seriously because I either do not mean it or I'm just joking, or I'm really serious but mean no offense to anyone. I do not seek to offend, I only do this for fun.

Not that I've actually typed out anything offensive. That entire paragraph just came out at random. Honestly.
For the nth time, I've revived my blog. It's still not going to die anytime soon even though I just passed the 500 tweet mark on my Teetwer. In fact I'm not even sure of how I got there. A combination of watching other tweets (they come very often, trust me. Especially from one victoriaism, who once spammed about 14 tweets in half an hour), and my own nature of having words of 'wisdom' and the need to store it somewhere, perhaps. Twitter does a good job of fulfilling this need. I haven't got many followers, nor do I follow many people since, I'll be honest, I don't care about most people's lives unless they're really random/eccentric/interesting/LIKE MINE AKA NON-EXISTENT.
The best part of all this is that I've found really good friends who are just like me: with a life-meter of 0. We do the most random shit together, and we just sit in a corner in class and make noise like aunties, BUT WE DO WORK AT THE SAME TIME =O

See, usually my friends are extreme under-achievers at studies much like myself, and as such making noise with them would only kill off any hope of me passing, but I've actually got friends who know what they're doing when it comes to studies so I'm safe there. And also really grateful. I wouldn't survive poly without you guys, seriously =D

I am unable to give out our secret clan name, for it'd be a breach of our rules (and, obviously, secret); we haven't had an official list of 'em drafted yet. We make them up as we go along. But it matters not anyway. (But you all know that I'm really fond of using parenthesis on my blog =D)

Over and out.

Ninja.

2009-11-11T12:28:00.001+08:00

2009-10-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

Infinity! I don't know why, but I just like the word, the sound of it, and its symbol: ∞. And also its concept. Just so happens that a song I really like is -∞-DRIVE by KOTOKO...err I don't think I've talked about KOTOKO much here. She's just another one of those J-pop singers I started liking by listening to anime openings/endings, and it so happens than she and Mami Kawada are closely connected (they're with the same production company I've, they do opening/ending songs for the same anime sometimes, and they graduated from the same vocal school. Lol.), so whoever likes one will probably like the other, though their music is different in some ways. I won't go into them because I'm lazy like that (why else do you think this blog wasn't updated in 2 weeks?).

Anywayyyyyyy, I'm only blogging because tomorrow I need to go to school. No, not for CCA but to STUDY. Yeah holidays are over and it's kind of a bummer, though seven weeks of doing nothing productive has run its course. I've found a new passion though - guitaring! I'm not exactly sure why I chose to learn the guitar instead of something that hardly anyone learns, like the bass. Maybe it was because I didn't need to actually buy a guitar. I was lucky that YY had a guitar that he wasn't using anymore, so he gave it to me! Really convenient too. The amp and stuff like that was also settled. Now of course I'm still a nub, but I'm working on it. EVENTUALLY, I'll be able to do great things. Form a one-man band, maybe. I could also pick up drums (at any rate it seems easier than guitar, though it's also difficult to master) and stay at home in my mum's basement and make music all day. I'd be fucken broke if I did that. You can't earn money with music unless it's tailored to the masses. And the music I make...well I dunno if I want to pander to the masses or not. It's a see first thing. Making decisions for the future isn't really my style, I'm really a 'take things as they come' guy. And since I can't predict what'll happen tomorrow, let alone five or ten years or now, I'll just...take things as they come! LOL.

Suddenly lost motivation to continue writing. I left a lot of stuff hanging but that's again, my style and not your style, that's why it's called my style and not your style. LOL.

2009-10-06T01:06:00.000+08:00

Just two weeks or so until holidays end...on one hand it's pretty dreary to get out of the lifestyle I currently lead (stay up until 5-7am, wake up at 3-4pm everyday), on the other hand I guess I should get back to leading a student's life soon or else I'll become even lazier.

There's SCC chalet but I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay there, because on the 10th and 11 I have events (my dad's birthday and an outing at East Coast Park respectively), but I guess I'll definitely turn up on the 9th. Then the 7th (which is tomorrow) there's SCC activity. For some reason I always find it pretty fun to go there every week. The people there are nice and friendly though I'm not very close to them yet, only with a select group of people. And they're about as crazy as me, you should have heard some of their ideas...doing voluntary work at IMH seems right up my alley, as is theirs, ahaha. The end result of composing a song is not extremely important in my view, it's the process which makes it fun! Performing is starting to become easier as I do it more often, though as someone pointed out, I make a 'sian' face whenever I'm out at the front. It's merely me trying to concentrate, ahaha. Though I'm not sure what'll happen if I sing again.

Now, I really enjoy singing, but I know (and everyone else can attest to this) that my singing isn't anything to crow about. In fact, it probably really sucks. But it's funny how it doesn't discourage myself from singing, one bit. Singing is fun! I'd love to learn to play some instruments though, specifically the guitar and drums. Maybe bass? I don't know, but I know I probably will never be able to play the piano/keyboard properly, though it's my favourite instrument to listen to. I think I've mentioned before; I'm a sucker for female vocals and piano together. I don't know how I somehow cultivated this interest in female vocals. Even while I was mostly a metalhead a year or so back, I especially loved bands which incorporated female vocals (and not those operatic ones), stuff like The Project Hate and Deadlock. Soon it spread to J-pop and even K-pop (to a slight extent; Gee is still on heavy rotation though I don't like their other single as much).

Simply put? Music is my life! =D Not one day goes by where I don't listen to music voluntarily. I even put on music during class sometimes, although I stopped doing it so often when I realised I had to pay full attention during classes if I wanted to pass, and not watch replays or mindlessly surfing the net or talking on MSN. Yeah, I'll at least try to pay attention in class for next sem. That's probably a resolution I'll break within the first day of school, so don't take what I say so seriously =x

Can't write any lyrics. I did think of some, but I don't think I'd be able to make them flow coherently in a song. It's funny how I really love writing prose (haven't written any in ages!), yet for poems and songs (songs are also poetic in nature, but accompanied with music) I can't seem to write anything. I'm just good at following along with people while they sing, for some reason. Hmm.

Well, if anyone has any comments feel free to leave them. I don't care if you're anonymous, as long as your comment makes sense. Don't be a stalker and leave after reading without leaving any comment <_<

The Stars, the Moon and the Wind

2009-09-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

Just woke up from a nap (11pm to 1am is definitely a nap no matter how you look at it) and my neck feels kind of sore...regardless I'll probably be up for a while then go back to sleep when there's nothing to do.

Now I'm just filling the time with this post. The recent chalet I just came back from was...how to say, rather eventful. There was lots and lots of cam-whoring (instigated by Wallace most of the time), an insane grueling bike ride from Pasir Ris to East Coast and then back to Pasir Ris (and for me a detour to Loyang that made me realise that I should never attempt to take short cuts; it just goes against what a 'short-cut' represents to me. I'd much rather take the long cut like I always seem to do whether consciously or not!), a game that really had me laughing my arse off, the drinking games, and the conversations that followed.

Of course, whatever happened at the chalet stays there. Only way you're going to know what occured would be to check the pics or something, yeah <_<

And...I'll just go into a bit more detail of the stuff, since I feel like it. How rare.

Okay the night cycling...we set off from Pasir Ris Park at about 12:15 or so. I can't remember every single detail of the ride, but we ended up at East Coast at around 4. To anyone who thinks that the distance from East Coast to Pasir Ris is 'short', think again. And I'd recommend you try it on bike. We pretty much took the park connector (PCM) route. Like omg the Mac at Downtown East sucks, so we went to East Coast for our Mac fix. Roflmao.

Here's me going Lone Wolf mode. zOMG.

And it so happened that while I was on one of my 'Lone Wolf' modes, I made a horrible decision. After a terrible climb up a slope at the intersection between Tampines and Pasir Ris, I lost everyone in front and back. I was the only one I could see for quite a while, so I wasn't exactly sure of the route to take. Eventually I saw a route that turned right into some ulu-ulu place. Somehow I thought it'd be a shortcut and after 7 hours of riding a bike, who wouldn't want a shortcut? Until now I don't know why I didn't just go straight; as I found out later, going straight would have taken me back to the chalet within 5-10 mins! But noo, I had to be a retard and get lost around some industrial place, circling around because I couldn't find the path that I came in from. Eventually though I found the PCM for Loyang through following a bus' route and took a loooong cut back to the track that I was on before I turned in. Long cuts still work best for me! And so I reached the chalet at 7:30am, about half an hour later than everyone else. Cool.

After that nothing much of incident occured for the rest of the day. There wasn't any space to sleep, so we (whoever was still awake) waited for 10am to return the bikes. I was so tired that the bike kept wobbling when I rode it back the short distance. Then...came night, since we were just slacking around the whole afternoon. More slacking ensued, except it was mostly done outside since there was food. I don't recall doing much then, and I didn't eat much either.

Then there was the 'Truth Game'. Essentially everyone just wrote down a question they wanted to ask, to everyone else present. This was done with the aid of small pieces of paper. While the concept was rather alright, the execution...I wouldn't say it was badly done, but it was plain that most of us didn't have many questions to ask the rest. Or rather we couldn't think of many questions. Take me for example, I didn't have a serious question to ask to anyone, somehow. So for half of them I asked some very retarded questions (like 'Why is the sky blue?' and 'Why is the earth round?'.) and the other half, I left the papers blank. It seemed to rub some people the wrong way, always picking up blank pieces of paper, but I think it beat having to write something even lamer. Still, there were several questions the rest came up with that made me laugh, and also some terribly personal ones...but whatever came my way I just answered. They won't be discussed here because...what happened there stays there.

Then we just drank all through the night. Obviously I didn't dare to drink too much or drink any pure shots, as the memory of Christmas Day last year still lingered (if you didn't know, I got drunk and was sent to hospital. Nothing serious though, but it was enough to make me not want to go through that again). Still, I had my fair share of drinks. Thank fuck it wasn't enough to make me drunk. Unfortunately the drinks claimed a casualty in Mengkit.

And that was the result. As Wanyee put it...'SCREW THIS PHOTO. SERIOUSLY. EWWWWWWWWWWW.' It was apparently a combination of tons of food and the liquor (also shown in the picture). I'm still not sure why people even drink so much alcohol. It certainly doesn't taste very nice and in some cases the taste was so strong that...it just sucked. Red wine's an example of this. Gawd, it just sucks. It sucks so much that I had to say it thrice.

And then after the chalet was officially over, we decided to go back to secondary school, like 'wtf so random, but steady lah', we thought. We ended up doing little there, but I got to eat alot of free pizza. I prefer much cheesier ones, but this chilli-filled one wasn't too bad.

I guess this ends the post, since there's little else I could say. However, the chalet opened my mind to something very horrifying and and worrying. I don't know quite how to explain it, but it has alot to do with my introverted nature. I don't seem very introverted, but it really shows when I'm talking to strangers and even some people I know. Sometimes I'm just too afraid to ask questions or talk to certain people, which is why I don't talk a lot on MSN. Somebody told me that if I could just break this 'barrier', I would come off it as a hell lot of a better person. And I think I agree with him. Of course such stuff that has already been ingrained in my personality for so long will be hard to erase, but I can say that I'm trying...

Which is why I have a blog. Usually I post thoughts that I just can't seem to share with anyone through a normal conversation, so I 'talk' to myself, by blogging. I also found that people don't really take me very seriously...I can see in a lot of people that they wouldn't trust me to be able to listen to their problems. I don't know how to convince them that I'm a lot more trustworthy than I seem. When it comes down to it, I know how to have fun and I know when it is time to be serious and listen to problems without making any wisecracks. Okay so I can't help very much, but I know for sure that telling someone else your problems is almost therapeutic, which is why we have psychologists and stuff like that. Like Wallace told me, I'd probably do pretty well in his course, the only thing that's stopping me is my 'pathetic' L1B4. I believe I'm a decent listener and people have told me as much, though I have to think a while before formulating any constructive reply.

By nature I don't like to see people suffer in silence. Yet I'm pretty much unable to ask them 'what's wrong?'. I leave it up to people if they want to share their problems or not. And everyone knows I'm no gossip, or at least I don't run around sharing secrets about others.

Maybe it's a matter of changing my entire personality to becoming someone who can be taken seriously, though it wouldn't be any fun for me...I revel in making people laugh and I really think that without this aspect, my life would become even more boring and lifeless. But it is this personality I have that is somehow alienating everyone else from me on a core level. I built up this facade that I am a 'heavy metal retard who likes porn' to counter my introvertedness but I see now that it wasn't the best move to make. I'm still not open enough to the right group of people. I used to think that it was becuase people simply didn't care about my problems, so I didn't bother with them. Which was why even if I had a problem, I wouldn't voice it out, which really made me think while I was attempting to fall asleep after the drinking, that I really needed someone who would listen to me. Currently I haven't got such a person. And to be honest this thought always makes me tear up, though never to the point of crying. Loneliness it might be.This air of detachment to the rest of the world is really something I don't like at all.

Everyone has their problems, be it family problems or more personal ones. On the surface I don't look like I have any family problems, but in truth I never talk to my parents about anything. There's little to no bond between us, and it's almost like I'm a guest staying at a hotel everyday, except I'm not paying for a single thing. I never paid much thought to this, and I'm rather reluctant to talk to them too. I really wish my mum would stop smoking but I can't voice it out. My parents aren't fighting now but one day they may start fighting again and I never want to see that day come.

On a more personal level...I just can't say it here, although if anyone wants to listen they can just talk to me and I'll spill everything immediately.

Random Post #277

2009-09-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

As the title states, it's apparently my 277th post, not including several more, unrecoverable drafts I deleted, because drafts are just that; they weren't the finished material. I imagine I could have gleamed some interesting stuff from the numerous drafts I made, but I hate publishing unfinished work (unless it's homework). Every post you see is finalized. Yay.

Soo um, nothing much happened these few days but I just got my hair coloured and shit. Good thing is my mum's eyesight is rather pitiable so she didn't notice it. Bad thing is...I don't think there's any yet. Oh, I look like Mengkit from the back! That would probably have been bad a year or so ago, but now he's a good, mature gai with a girlfriend. Though he's still as 'jiao' as before. Some people never change.

And indeed...change. My appearance changes every so often right after my haircuts, and not for the better too. Been going to too many shitty hair salons. Also, secondary school ruined whatever nice haircut I could have had. Now that I'm in poly I can 'express' thyself and shit like that. Yes, I use shit the same way others would use the word 'stuff'. Guess I'm just real vulgar. And I don't attempt to hide it, except maybe in front of my parents, though my dad's given up on censoring himself when he's around me. Although I tend to act different depending on who I'm with, the same, wisecracking me remains throughout. You could say I 'adapt' to others. If they speak to me in Mandarin I just speak to them the same. My Mandarin's at conversational level anyway. Ditto for Singlish and even English (the PROPER ENGRISH VERSION). I'd imagine this applies to most others out there. I could count on one hand how many people I talk to in real life using standard English, although to be honest I just use Singlish almost all the time. Online's pretty much the same minus the Mandarin.

Marvel at my ability to weave a tale of uninteresting facts out of something only loosely related to the topic beforehand. It'd explain why most people would prefer not to have a long conversation with me; I just babble on and on whenever I get the chance.

On to music. On my last.fm account, (which can be viewed here: http://www.last.fm/user/ZeroDamageTCP) it shows that after Nana Mizuki, Mami Kawada is my second most-listened artiste. She used to occupy the top slot before I went crazy and got three Nana albums too.

The first song I liked from her was Akai Namida (Red Tears). It's from, um, Shakugan no Shana. I didn't have any interest in watching it until I heard the song, although the song only appeared in the movie. I don't know why, but I'm a sucker for piano and female vocals individually, but when put together the awesomeness is magnified tenfold. And so it was on constant rotation for quite a while...then I went and watched SnS sometime between last year and this year. Anyway, during the holidays. The OP was another favourite of mine. Basically every song she did for the show I loved to bits. Eventually I got her second full-length album SAVIA and it was, well, good. And that's my story. Great voice, and she doesn't look that bad although I'd prefer someone more...petite. Like Bunny Nana or something. Rofl. She has a new single coming out, once again for Shakugan no Shana, and I'd jizz in my pants the day the single is released. Of course, I'd watch the OVA as well =D

And...I slap on an anti-climatic ending. End post. If I feel like it I'll blog about the chalet I'm going for tomorrow. Should be fun. Bye for now.

Nana Post <_<

2009-09-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

Don't you just feel the despair and desperation in this song, even if you can't understand the lyrics? Amazing song.

Speaking of Nana Mizuki, she's probably my favourite J-pop artiste. Hime Murasaki is just one of my favourite songs, there are tons of others which would be pointless to list, simply because I'm too lazy and there are too many of them.

Until next time, maybe.

Holy Schmoke, This Blog Is Back In Black

2009-09-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've changed my blog skin to one of the default templates...it was the one I used to start with, three years and ten months back. I've had some really shitty blog skins since then, and I decided that...well, I didn't need a tagboard, or links, or a silly Slipknot blogskin. Back to basics.

And I realised my previous post was the second time I was ranting about the same topic. Ooops, my bad about that. The second post has been deleted. I'm sure nobody wants to see me rant about the same topic twice.

Well...that's about all, I didn't really have anything to say.

2009-08-29T00:32:00.002+08:00

Okay uhhh 'sorry' for the lack of updates even though I didn't owe anyone any. There was certainly stuff I could have talked about, like the fact that the majority of shoppers at my department are Indian, said Indians ask a lot of questions, and most of them do not even know how to fold clothes. Please don't attempt to fold clothes in your own way shoppers, I'd still have to fold them again later. Save your efforts and just dump them there for me to fold later <_<

And that's all! Mebbe another post when I finish my work tenure. TIRED.

2009-08-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

Okay...HOO. First day of work done, five more to go...maybe four if I plan to not work on Monday. It wasn't all too bad, just being a normal 'temporary sales associate' like my nametag states. I found out my shirt was probably a little tight, especially at the biceps area. Like whoa I has muscles. And you can see my nipples poking through when they're- okay, too much information LOL. I probably wouldn't wear my 'uniform' out once my work tenure is over. Maybe if I feel like being gay. My pants are apparently tight-fit and accentuates my arse. Thank fuck I don't have to wear those pants going to work or going home from work. Really.

Yeah by now you should guess that I look kind of...gay in my work uniform. Don't come find me please. Actually, ok, yes, come find me because it's so boring there and there aren't many people to entertain. Orchard John Little, between Centrepoint and the Hippo place, fourth floor, catch me there before I stop working ahaha. Because there's no way I'm working there after my contract's over. Retailing is kind of sucky, what with a few select customers thinking they're VIPs. Like this one middle-aged Indonesian woman (I won't even call her lady) decided that she was the president of Indonesia and marched in asking for 'L' size for certain clothes while messing up the entire stack. When she couldn't find them, she threw the clothes to me and made me bring them around while she picked other shitty clothes for her undoubtedly spoilt daughter and son, all the while speaking in Bahasa Indonesia to me as if I could understand. Yes I know I look a bit foreign but this is just retarded, especially since I never replied when she spoke in Malay. Now here's the fun part. She acts rich but has three cards declined in her face LOL. Guess her husband got sick of her spending sprees (one would assume that she terrorizes other shopping centres in the same manner). Yeah I know I sound like a girl. And I didn't really complain much; my colleagues, who were female, did. So I'm just conveying how they felt, since that was the only noteworthy thing that happened today.

Like I said, I don't have much to do there. Just fold clothes. And stamp '50% Off' on clothes with a GUN!!!! Shit's cool. Similar to a nail gun, except it shoots those...stuff that tags price tags to clothes.

I haven't received my PIN number for manning the cashier since I didn't go for cashier training. I didn't think six days of work was worth going for that silly training session. And my colleague did go through what they taught there anyway.

Legs aching. But I burnt fats today <_< Tomorrow is from 10am to 10pm, whoo. Fierce. Anaerobic respiration doing their thang.

And yadda yadda yadda.

2009-08-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

Writer's block plus my attention span of three seconds prevent me from writing anything constructive. I shall now leave everyone with a simple video instead.

2009-08-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

Music, is best enjoyed when it is either played in surround sound with a home theater system in a sound-proof room, or with headphones and nothing else around to distract you. I usually do the latter since I haven't got money for a home theater system, sans the 'distracting' part. It makes me think that I should just get a pair of headphones for taking the bus. I do have a headset but obviously that's for computer use and I'd look darn stupid if I wore my headset on the MRT, with a wire for the mic sticking out and of course the mic stuck to the left ear of the headset. It kind of makes me regret buying that earpiece; the right one just can't stay in my right ear, it's always dropping off, and it's always getting tangled. Hell, my $12 headset that's obviously made in China by a Chinese brand (I mean, Somic?) is still working fine after 4-5 months. Actually, just about everything around us is made from China anyway so I don't know why people choose to go for branded stuff when the quality really can't be guaranteed even with a higher price tag. Take Sony earpieces for example. They still spoil after a few months and I don't see why they cost more than a say, a earpiece made by a Chinese brand.

Okay, back to what I was talking about. Music. Best listened with headphones. Normal earpiece just doesn't cut it in an outdoor environment. Take the bus, for instance. There's so much background noise going on that I can never seem to listen to songs properly with all the past earpieces I've owned, thereby ruining my experience for the most part. However, I have to constantly traverse by bus pretty much everyday, and more often than not, by MRT as well. It's not much better on the MRT with all the 'DOORS CLOSING, BEBEBEBEBBEBEBEBE' and 'NEXT STOP, PUKIT BUTTOCK' I'm subjected to. I'm just a young adult at the age of 17 though, and because I'm a cheapskate I'll never buy a car. People in other countries may be shocked (like my friend from Australia when I told him I never travel by car) but I believe Singapore's transport system is decent enough to get me to any place I need to go. Time isn't much of a factor unless I'm running late.

What am I trying to get at here? I'm a cheapskate, and because of this my listening experiences outdoors is basically ruined/diluted/fucked-up by all the music that mats blast on the bus and the shit ringtones people have. I know my ringtone is a wall of noise to most people out there, that's why I actually leave it on silent mode even though I really like it. People out there actually think others love hearing when their phone rings (don't lie, half the reason you blast your ringtone is to show it off to people around you)! Sorry uhhh I'm not one of them. I'll probably wait for my current earpiece to spoil (fuck knows when that'll be, that was kind of $17 wasted), then get an actual pair of headphones that can somewhat ensure a nicer listening experience on the bus or where-ever else. Because I'm sick of barely being able to hear my music. I know my converting all my songs is somehwat the cause of this, but equal blame has to be placed on the earpiece! Not forgetting the background noises. I could go on all day about this, but I think my point has been made.

Okay something else. This might get confusing but just ask me if you're unclear about anything.

Look to two posts back and you'll find that I was talking about some 'her'. I'm sorry to say that, I believe it was just an infatuation. Why do I say this? I guess at that period of time I was just looking to distract myself from the one that resides in my neighbourhood. Basically my mindset was that 'anyone will do, just get me away from her!' and since she was being friendly to me and all, I just settled on this person...for a while. You know how idiot guys like me think that everyone who is friendly to them has intentions of being more than friends...I'm finally starting to resist thinking like that though. Turns out that instinct was totally wrong and she didn't really give two shits about me so I decided that it was just a passing phase. Still, she did her job. Distraction. I'm always having to find them. I'm surrounded by them. I'm consumed by them. Anything to distract myself from boredom and the general emptiness of the soul (I somewhat believe I have a soul due to some weird incidents involving my dreams which I will not elaborate on here).

And what happened after that? Actually during this time I kind of...sort of...found another distraction. No, I'm not frivolous and am not distracted by every single girl (actually to an extent I am but not to the point of infatuation or anything further). I'm actually rather...stubborn and will stick to someone for a long time if I find that they distract me sufficiently, to the dismay of these subjects. It's funny though. I'm just laughing at my futile persistence back then. I think third time was the charm though, to finally knock my senses (what senses? lol.) back to some normalcy and FIND SOMEONE ELSE. And I guess, maybe I did but I'm hesitant to take the next step, because it always falls flat on my face. You can say I've become 'hum' after all those failures. Soooo...I'll see how it goes. If the winds are in my favour after a few weeks then sure I'll go for it. I mean why not this person is a NINJA. LOL. Inside joke between my friends here...

This is probably more personal than anything I've ever blogged about here. Your eyes are in for a treat. Just what goes on in my mind? Nobody ever knew, except myself. Today I have extracted a few brain cells, though. How strangely erotic.

These walls of text aren't as intimidating as you think, I swear!

2009-08-02T12:06:00.000+08:00

Waawwwwww it's already August. With it comes final exams. Waawwwwww. Thank fuck I only have two papers, but they're fucked up enough as it is. COS, the module I failed, and BS the ever-confounding Maths-related topic. I'm just relieved there's no FSP because it'll fuck me up even more. I'm not failing any shit YOU HEAR?

Ahh, been a while since I wrote any essay. Essays being the walls of text you see on my blog. I don't even know if anyone remembers this place. I'd been using the twit-breeder called Twitter (everytime you 'tweet' a twit somewhere around the world is born. I'm aware of this fact but I do it anyway <_<) and well I just do it for the sake of doing it, like how I blog for no other purpose than to relieve boredom. Twitter's posts are so short that I can't write any essays on them, so it's just random musings. I don't use Twitter from my phone either since I find no need to shout to the world what I'm doing at THIS PRESENT MOMENT. Not that I have a problem with people who do.

Anyway a lot's happened since I last blogged and the lazy fucker in me says I shall not talk about the past. Well, lost interest to blog already LOL. I'm perpetually distracted by anything and everything and half the time it makes me get things done a lot more slowly than if I just did stuff one at a time. People sometimes asks me why my, um, whateveryoucallit has so many tabs. My Firefox usually has over 10 tabs while the toolbar is brimming with stuff as well. My answer to that is that I'm always doing too much shit on the comp at once, which is why I bought a laptop with 4GB RAM...any lower and it wouldn't be able to handle the bajillion things I do at the same time.

Random fact: when I'm holding two things in my hands, I tend to mix up their purposes. Like I'm holding a cup and handphone, I nearly tried to drink from my right hand which held the handphone. True story LOL.

I'll end it here, maybe next time I'll feel like blogging again.

2009-07-15T00:26:00.003+08:00

Like a sumboodeeeeeeee.

Okay as can be seen from my Phaseboots I'm supposed to be doing some IT assignment. But uhhh the powers that be, otherwise known as Procrastination takes over. No, really I don't have much of a clue how to do it. This shit about thinking of my future is rather alien to me. Maybe I always had a vague idea on what I wanted to do, but I always either scrapped it as impossible to fulfil, or I left it in the back of my mind to be remembered someday, when I'm down in the dumps, and laugh (or cry?) to myself, knowing I had such lofty ambitions.

This coming from a person whose aim was to get into Mass Comm, simply because I wanted to put my English to good use. Unfortunately their criteria doesn't rely on English alone to get in, and with my other shit subjects I eventually 'fell' into MBS. I don't quite regret getting into this course, but it somehow seems...unfulfiling. Like I'd never be able to do what I REALLY want to do. How many others feel that way? Countless others, I'm sure. Never being able to do what you really want to do, be it because of parents, your own results, sheer bad luck...the reasons are endless. But the end result is the same - we're stuck doing something we're not 100% into. That, unfortunately is life, especially in Singapore's meritocratic society where grades = everything. If your grades aren't good, you can forget about doing anything you want to do. We may all hate on muggers who get good grades, but the fact remains that they worked hard and we didn't, and we're in our present situation - only left to stare at the opportunity that could have been there had we actually sat our arses down and mugged.

Perhaps it's true that muggers are simply hardworking, while we who consistently underperform when it comes to tests/exams are intelligent but plain lazy. I've heard that shit a million times but it's not going to help my laziness, unfortunately. Basically I only get my arse into gear when a major exam comes up, and then I get some average score and shock my tutors who think I'd never get even a pass. Well, that's me. Forever last-minute. Even this silly assignment, I was supposed to start during the weekend but I figured I still had time to play. That was rather a mistake, another one in the millions I'd made, but somehow never paid very dearly for.

Maybe my lofty ambitions may be realised in the future? I'm never certain of that. I'm not even certain of what will happen tomorrow. Like I told someone before, you never know what tomorrow brings. Will it bring happiness, sadness, or just some neutral emotion that borders happiness and sadness? For the record, the third emotion is what I feel just about every day. Sometimes it tips over into either happiness or sadness but it doesn't happen often. In any case, I've wasted enough time, that I can never get back.

Now I'd be really surprised if voicing out those thoughts that were at the back of my mind actually helped me to get serious. Then all this time typing (it only took 10 minutes) wouldn't be wasted. Yeah, I wish.

Hell, maybe I can finally strike up a conversation that doesn't consist of just a 'hi'. Okay, so now I've completely switched topic. Ninja topic switching is ninja. Funny thing is that now everyone has 'Naruto' in their mind when they think of a ninja. Don't lie, I can read minds, just not girls'. Black-clad dudes need to be recognized again and not be stereotyped into a 'pop' ninja, i.e. Naruto! Or even Sasugay...

Wait, where was I again? Ah, yes, conversation-starting. No one seems to have noticed a minor difference in the way I refer to stuff on my blog; that I've replaced the previous 'her' with another 'her'. Or you all noticed but never said anything. Typical. Maybe the previous 'her' doesn't realise yet, but I guess she will eventually. Or she already knows, but never said anything. TYPICAL. Sometimes I think she needs to voice out her thoughts more, but it never happens. It doesn't matter though.

And now with this 'her' I'm at stage 0. That is, I only know her name. Oh snap. Yet she refers to me as her 'friend', which is nice I guess, but 'acquaintance' would probably be a better term. There's nothing much to this, just that I feel like my balls are strangled when she's around. I'm still as shy and introverted as ever, although I try my best not to. What can I do *shrug*.

Try as I might I can't get to sleep...yet. Pressing shit to be done. Yet this pressing shit refuses to be done. I guess I'll stay up with Jovi and spread Hina-ism. Yeah the one in my DP on MSN. She's mai waifu, no touching!

2009-07-06T21:43:00.002+08:00

Ah, July. Always one of the most uninteresting months of the year, nothing going on in the world of music apparently. Harry Potter doesn't interest me as much as it did a few years back since I get the feeling that the craze has died down a bit...maybe the movie will do something about that (make even more money out of Daniel Radcliffe fangirls). Heck, I don't even know why I'm talking about Harry Potter. I vaguely remember one of my first posts on this blog was about HP, which was pretty rofl to be honest...

Okay, back to semi-regular update. No, not on H1N1 since I never get the latest statistics. The only statistics I know are for Business (bad joke detected BOOPBEEPBOOP) and it so happened I got a B+ for the recent common test, considering it's pretty much MATHS. And there's even a bit of A Maths, WTFFFFF. Here's where I'd channel the Onyxia Wipe (link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtvIYRrgZ04) and scream 'FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK'. But I think I can hold up enough if I just study...and study I'll have to. Failed COS, and noooooooo that's not good indeed. FSP I thought was a sure fail, but I got a D, which still looks like a fail in my books. Notice a change in my attitude here? Lol. If this was last year I wouldn't give two shits about a fail, culminating in a L1B4 of 33 for my mid-year. But everyone knows I do way better for a major exam =D when the shit hits the fan is when I perform.

Maybe a recap of the weekend would be nice here, since nobody knows what I've been doing since I last updated. Remember that spate of bad luck? It seemed to carry into Saturday, when the DotA competition finally happened. I wasn't expecting very much, but I definitely wasn't expecting getting knocked out in the first round by a team who had definitely practiced a million more times than we did. Basically we did not practice. At all. Also, I forgot about certain heroes and it led to our downfall. Oh well, better luck next time.

Saw Victoria when I was walking back home. To my considerable surprise she didn't ignore me or anything like that, so it wasn't so bad. Did nothing for the rest of the day while Ervin came over to leech the intarwebz. Again. Didn't matter much though, since I leeched other people's intarwebz way more frequently in the past

Sunday, went to Suntec to see ACG. Funnily enough, it was my first time going to the event. For the past three years it had been held, I'd given it a miss. When I reached there it was already the semi-finals, between Malaysia and Singapore. Malaysia apparently pwned them, thanks to the nonsensical picking of Storm after Doom had been picked by Malaysia. Similar to how we screwed up. And it does show how 90% of a DotA game is won through lineups alone. I do need better drafting skill.

Got a free Garena T-shirt, and played in some silly COD4 tournament. I'd NEVER played COD4 in my life, so I was basically trying it out (as well as the Alienware notebook and mouse, which were pretty nice and colourful but ultimately unneeded and overpriced). We got owned, of course. LAI DOTA 2v2 LAH LOL.

Finally the grand final between Malaysia and Vietnam started, and I got a kinda-front row seat - I was seated right in front of hamchoy's TV which was broadcasting from his perspective live. Those TVs were a nice touch, allowing the spectators to see every player's movements. Basically I was seated at the Vietnamese side since I hate sohais <_< and I knew Vietnam would win by picks alone anyway. The game itself was one-sided but showed very good teamwork and strategy by StarsBoba - they knew their roles and all of them performed well, while Malaysia simply got outpicked. Congrats to Vietnam.

And well, that was the weekend. Seemingly DotA-filled. Now I shall stop playing for a bit (maybe) and start studying (a huge maybe). Uh-huh.

Eiko Shimamiya is good lol.

2009-06-30T18:21:00.004+08:00

Ack, been rather unlucky since yesterday. Spilled my drink...twice. Had nausea while on the bus. Got back one of my test papers (F, as I expected), although I wouldn't put that one down to unluckiness. Nothing really good happened, still couldn't figure out Jarva. Then today I overslept (after falling asleep at 3am) and I decided to skip my S&W since even if I went to school I'd still be considered absent. There wasn't any CATS lesson either so there wasn't a point in going to school...spent most of the day either sleeping or using the comp. It's freaking boring.

Before you ask, no I didn't check out my horoscope. I don't believe in that.

Well, so ends a boring day.

PS. Forgot to add that my earpiece also spoilt and I had to buy another one. Then when opening the case for the new earpiece, one of the covers dropped and I couldn't find it. Jolly good day yesterday was, yes.

2009-06-28T13:19:00.002+08:00

Okay I really have nothing better to do now so I'm here. Recently I...not to say I was busy (because I wasn't, if business relates to anything productive) had some kind of writer's block. Especially after Wednesday. I did try to type out a post but it ended up all cryptic and reminiscent of some of my older posts (those that I felt like being cryptic...you know) and I decided against posting it because it looked silly. And they say a blog is for airing your feelings, although I think most blogs don't serve that kind of purpose anymore...as for me my blog is simply to fill some time when I'm bored, or when I feel like writing something.

I did have an idea for a story a few days ago, but I was too lazy to make it into fiction. It related to the moth infestation that had been raging my home for the entire month. Moth carcasses could be seen sometimes - I had a theory that it was the work of LIZARDS. Yes, these friendly lizardy creatures coexist with me and my family and in return for not bothering them (I actually bothered them once...I threw a videotape at one, smashing it. But I digress, and that was in Primary 1) they eat all the pesky insects. Then the ants PROFIT!!!! from the carcasses that the lizards are too lazy to clean up. Hence my idea was...Moths Versus Lizards. Too much AVP or MVA, perhaps. I mean, I got the idea when I saw a moth and lizard staring each other down at 2am in the kitchen. You know inspiration can just spring out of nowhere (or in my case, on the bus)?

So yeah, the idea's still stuck inside my head but I haven't felt like writing it out. Besides who'd read these shitty stories? It's not like I could write it for a compo since I don't do anything pertaining to the learning of the language of the Queen in poly. That said, I did say I'd continue writing. These feelings come and go, unlike some others. They come and like chewing gum, they stick there and they're difficult to get rid of. Highly annoying.

Then, um, let's talk about my muzak. I realise just how much my tastes in music has grown. Maybe a year or two ago I would have been repulsive to the idea of getting a J-pop album (I used to get J-pop songs only because I kept hearing them in anime openings and endings) but well...I have about 3 Nana Mizuki albums and a few other assorted ones like School Food Punishment and shit. Most (if not all) Jap songs I have are from those aformentioned anime openings and endings...they have this annoying way of making viewers want to go get these songs in full. Catchy as fuck, some of them. So my music collection's probably about 8/10 metal and 2/10 J-pop. I listen to the J-pop on repeat alot more. Maybe because they have those silly hooks that made me want to get them in the first place...well that's how pop works. If it isn't memorable, it's shit. To prevent this over-saturation of J-pop I just set my mp3 player on Shuffle All. People are always like, 'why do you need so many songs?' It's partly my laziness and partly my fondness for not abandoning those 'old' songs. Most normal people would be like 'that's so OLD' for a certain song that was just released last year. And I listen to 80's songs. The 80's was probably the best era for music, no doubt.

Lost my train of thought because Henry asked me to play DotA. Lol. Dude hasn't played DotA in a while, mostly on an on-off basis. I guess I'll stop it here. There are plenty of stuff I'd love to say but I don't know what's keeping me.

Oh and one last note; I can't believe I want school to start.

2009-06-18T01:49:00.003+08:00

Don't know if I made the right decision in not going to school today. Ahh, I doubt I'd have missed much.

So ahhhhh, been a while since I did anything here. Awokened from its dormant state yet again, the blog with the dubious title that only I know the meaning of has been...awokened. Yeah. -.-

I don't know if it likes to be revived every now and then but I know I own it so whether it likes it or not...yeah. I'm repeating myself again. I'm really just letting my fingers do the work - my brain isn't functioning right now. My fingers have a mind of their own and they're flying at light-speed across my keyboard.

Since my fingers have access to my mind they shall now handle the rest of the essay while my mind takes a backseat.

Now, I kind of think that my brain is never getting enough oxygen. I'm almost always having to take deep breaths (as if I'm a smoker, which I'm definitely not...) and I get exhausted pretty quickly when playing sports. Whether it's the cause of second-hand smoke, I may never know. I really should get my mum to quit smoking although to be honest I can't really be arsed - all I can do is stay away. Also, I get this weird feeling sometimes after doing strenuous activities; one of my ears would become blocked for no apparent reason. You know, like I'm deaf on one ear temporarily. Maybe my lungs/heart isn't strong enough, since, well, I do/did have a heart condition.

Anyway, I finally got some exercise after three weeks of absolutely none (not to mention I was eating junk food almost everyday). I mainly rely on my S&W and CCA for exercising, so when both were suspended due to tests, I guess I kind of lacked in it. I'm probably a little fatter now, but it doesn't bother me much. Afterall, fat guys are the ones who get the chicks! At least their bulk might be able to protect their lady...unlike skinny guys *cough*gangsters*cough* who only know how to call people come down.

So...yeah what was the exercise again? Ah yes, cycling! Think it's been two months since I cycled. And this time with my poly class zOMG. First class outing, somewhat. Well as usual there were less than 10 people but it still counted I guess. To be honest there wasn't too much to say about it, we just cycled for three hours, I had my dinner (no one else did) and we went home. I guess my main point was that I got some exercise. In a way I don't mind school resuming quickly, I'm about to turn into a hikikomori again temporarily next week. I don't think I've got anything planned next week, that's why.

Then again there's no lack of stuff to do, although most of it is pretty loser-ish stuff like playing Championship Manager (yes that dreaded game that I've talked about before on here, don't think anyone would know though), watching anime and playing DotA...speaking of that, I'll probably quit DotA soon. Fucking waste of time. Well, maybe after the competition that I 'sponsored'. I don't believe I can't do anything with 4 good teammates. I DON'T BELIEVE.

Okay I for some reason during the course of typing this out decided to do some push-ups. I'm rather tired now <_<

So

I'll

End

My

Touch

Typing

Lessons

Here!

Ciao.

2009-06-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to say, my mind's FUBAR.

Ehh, so I had my first common test, and it was a royal fuck up. Maybe I really should pay attention in class instead of playing around, but well...yeah. I best be paying attention from now on if I don't want to end up graduating from NP in 4 or more years...as fun as poly life is, it'll be a torture learning the same shit again for another year. Still worried about BS though. And probably Jarva. Goddammit, all of them look like possible failures.

Yeah I had to dredge up the topic of studies because of a lack of anything else I want to say here. My mind's full of shit I don't want to think about. As such they'll not go on here.

I still want a Ramly burger though.

2009-05-29T21:04:00.002+08:00

Nao Plaeing: school food punishment - flat.

Can't get enough of it :D

Woooo. Okay. Back from another pseudo-hiatus, the usual reasons, I got lazy, lost my way in the path of life, etc. Yeah, that's life.

Finally done with that stupid COS/FP project, but common tests are coming. They aren't much to worry about though. Another thing that I'm not too worried about is that my back is peeeeeeeeeeeling. It's quite noticeable too because everyone asks about it <_< I throughly dislike shirts that feel like they will strangle me - neck gotta breathe too! So I haven't got no turtlenecks or anything like that...anyway turtlenecks are gay.

Once again, short recap for the week so far...Monday, Jovi's birthday so we had dinner at some place called Aston's. Nice steaks. I was late too, because I was playing DotA at school, rofl. Lost. And they aren't even pro, ffs. Sigh I haven't got any reliable teammates in my class *shakes fist* Slacked around at his house for a bit after that, mostly to tease him. Then went home, of course. Reached home at 12. You'll see why I mention this later.

Tuesday, nothing much happened I think for IS. I discovered that my shooting's getting much, much better. No, not shooting of white liquids, but at basketball <_< Went to watch Angels & Demons, simply to see what was all the fuss about. Note that I've never read any of Dan Brown's novels. I don't know why. Just never did. The movie was decent though, even though I don't like Catholics much...good thing the movie/novel seems to ridicule Catholics in a way. Since we watched it at Jurong Point which is at Boon Lay...once again reached home at 12. Along the way we went to Joo Koon station to looksee a bit. Practically deserted. Scary stuff. And I saw a lady leave a pack of cigarettes on her seat as she was leaving the MRT. That's good, because as you all know I really don't like smokers...any money they waste on NOT smoking is great in my books. Also I discovered the almighty RAMLY BURGER~~~~~ I'll never eat one of McDonald's burgers again. And by default it has no veggies too, which is always a +++++++. Amazing shit man. I think I can eat one everyday, LOL. Provided they actually sell those near my place, which they don't. Haven't seen a pasar malam near my house in ages...blasphemy.

Wednesday, uhh, SCC day. Adrian and Desmond Tan followed me. They had the monthly performance thing and shit. Nothing really outstanding, but one song almost made me tear for no apparent reason o.0 of course it was the best song of the night, based on the ratings. Lack of bass in the club, as usual. Maybe I should take up bass, I like the sounds it produces. Of course if possible I'd learn to play every instrument in a band so I can actually make my own music, but I haven't got time or money to buy said instruments. Sad. What wasn't sad was when I was waiting outside the SCC clubroom to take attendance. She said hi to me YAY. LOL. And I was thinking of doing something like that but...I wouldn't budge. Rofl. There's something terribly wrong with me. The shit ended at about 8, so we went looking for Haikal at the field behind block 50. Went to eat at Clementi after that and...BOUGHT ANOTHER RAMLY BURGER! w00000ts. Also we found out something rather...surprising about Haikal. Obviously I won't say it here, although I think no one in the class reads my blog. Still, I'll just keep my mouth shut. Reached home at 12 AGAIN. Took the second-last 7 bus. Three days in a row. Thankfully Thursday and today I didn't reach home so late...my parents don't actually mind but...yeah.

Thursday was rather uninteresting. Notice how I haven't said a thing about my school work. That's because poly life has little to do with school work. What makes poly life so great is the shit you do when not studying. Even in lessons I'm playing, although I do listen. I love the fact that my lecturers allow me to listen to music in class. For some reason I study better when I'm listening to music. This doesn't seem to apply to maths, which would explain my C6 for O's. Other than that I think the music thing worked because I got pretty decent grades. Played more inhouse dota with the other class and lost both times. Of course I could say that it was 4v4 and we could not have full synergy for our lineup, but the teamwork was really lacking. You could say I got outpicked too...Haikal and I were pretty adamant about using Omni/Pudge, which of course fell flat on our faces. Would probably work better in a 5v5. This time I reached home at 8:50 or so, since I didn't go off to have dinner or wait for Haikal. I find Makanplace pretty shitty now. The food isn't that nice tbh. The canteens haven't got much to offer, besides long queues and a general lack of seats. Seems 3 canteens and Makanplace can't house all 5000 NP students, and those SIM people who keep coming over to eat. The food's cheaper because it sucks. Places like Kopitiam has higher prices but generally better food I find. Then again this is a poly and people are more concerned about price than quality, I guess. Teenagers haven't got much money. Oh and I saw her, but she didn't see me. Lol.

And today, didn't do too much again. Played some CS at OURspace (not myspace, selfish fuckers <_<), then went home. I sat at the bus-stop from 5:10 to 5:24 watching every bus come two, three, four times, but no 61. But I saw her. AGAIN. LOL. Three days in a row w00t. Said hi and shit, but nothing else, because her bus came. Damn I need to get her contact. Funniest thing is that I forgot what course she was in, and I don't have her msn or facebook or number, but I keep seeing her. Sounds like more coincidences. And unbelievably I tense up when I see her...haven't felt like that in ages. It's good and bad I suppose.

Badminton tomorrow yay. Last week there was no badminton and I went to the beach to get sunburnt instead. Not good. Lol. And it appears I might be going to the beach again...better get sunblock. Ugh.

Well that's all. Don't ask me who is that 'her'. I know yuan will ask, but you know her name already so buzz off <_<

2009-05-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

Whoop-de-doo, I'm back. So the past week I've been doing a lot of nonsensical stuff...maybe just a quick summary will be fine since I really don't want to type everything in detail.

Can't remember anything about last Monday; it was probably boring anyway. Monday is my most disliked day. Tuesday was IS day, basketball was decent as usual...had some trouble with the silly formation because I'm pretty bad at step-by-step stuff. No idea why. Then Wednesday was SCC day...learnt to play drums woo. And met some girls as well <_< they didn't ask for my number though, how sad. Never mind I'll probably see them again this week, assuming they haven't forgotten about me <_< and one of them really resembles . LOL what's with the space you ask? I don't know. Maybe it's funner if you all try to figure out who the is, LOL.

Then uhhh Thursday I did nothing of note, played L4D at school until 9:30pm, LMAO. Friday I went to buy my racket (Carbon-Yonex, otherwise known as Carbonex <_<), and Saturday my leg muscles ached like no mother. Racket served me pretty well although I had a few knocks with it - sorry! Yes I'm saying sorry to my racket LOL. And I'm in Level 3! They rank people from Level 1 to 5, Level 1 being the super-noobs like Yi Siong and the other guy whose name I forgot (<_<) and Level 5 consists of the uber-megafathers like Why So Serious. You'll know why I (or rather Wallace) calls him that if you ever see him. Still, he's godly in singles but not so much at doubles :P And I...am at lebel 3! You pick the racket and you lebel dem arp. Kind of expected since I found I could beat noobs but barely survives against school team guys - pretty much my status at DotA too, lol. And Wallace reminded me of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-m9uG50mSw

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES! WHERE YOU FROM, YOU SEXY THING? LOL.

And there's this uber-cute girl at badminton too -.- not sexy though, no <_<

Yeah come poly life it's all about girls, girls and more girls. I mean, they're swarming all over the place <_< no, I haven't gotten any numbers. Geegee.

Uhh, Sunday went studying with Desmond, Edmund, Adrian and Haikal. The usual shenanigans occured...5 guys sharing one power socket is FAIL. Just because we absolutely had to have a table instead of sitting on the floor <_< and I borrowed a novel for the first time in five months, I think. Am-zing. Read it on the bus home and when I got home, I didn't even turn on the laptop. Decided it was pointless since it was already 11:30pm...and yesterday was the fifth day I hadn't played DotA. Even more amazing isn't it? Well today I stopped being abnormal and played DotA again. Like, holy smoke. All I played was Necrolyte, gayest hero in existence provided you've got heroes to back you up. 500 cs in 60 minutes, anyone? We even won a 3v4. When I played at home it wasn't as great thanks to YY who just HAD to join a gang of pubstompers. Never mind that though.

Now uhhh I've got a bunch of projects, thankfully no more assignments for the moment since I finished FSP in school, and Nana Mizuki is a great singer :D Naturally I sing along...I have no idea why I like female singers so much. That's something to ponder. Maybe because my vocal range is something like 'relatively low' to 'wtf is that a female singing?' Okay not really LOL, but you get my point. So three-quarters of the time I'm listening to Nana Mizuki...just look at my last.fm. She doesn't look half-bad either, although she could easily be mistaken as a teenager or 20-year-old <_< but then again idol worship is not my thing. Not a (fanatical) fanboy, I am.

Hope that sates your appetite. And do my quiz on Facebook or something. No one's gotten above 50% yet, how sad.

2009-05-10T22:51:00.002+08:00

hat said smudge? hat said smudge mill my.

I exist not as an entity but as an appriation.

Monotony rules my life. Mono mono namo amitabha, in monochrone we trust. I'm in a very random mood now so...pardon the random. That is, if I actually have any fandom, but I do not think I owe it to gundams that I have a lack of wisdom.

School's been meh. My class spirit reading is about -9000, few people are even willing to cooperate, and as a result we put up one of the most lacklustre performances I've ever been a part of. It was riddled with problems and to be honest I'm rather miffed at these people who can't even get their arses moving, to even get to know the others and would rather simply go through three years never really knowing their classmates. I look at the other classes and they're way more united, and they have a LIFE. Simply put, MBS/04 is devoid of human beings. We're all a bunch of lifeless souls, and something has to be done. I've never been the 'leader' type to be honest, but in times of war, someone must stand up and lead. Tonight we shall dine in hell.

Fufufufufu the skin comes right off.

Now hit it like this.

Hit it like this.

-random.

Anything that comes up in my mind I'll type out. It's more to alleviate my boredom than some truth of life. Well, the truth is 42. How many roads must a man walk down? THE ANSWER IS...42!

42

42

Yeah, you've probably figured out that I really got nothing better to do. And I'm still sleepy after 12 hours of sleep WHAT'S THIS? All these damn projects, plus with some teammates that are all either too quiet and has no initiative; is never online or has communication problems. Read: they're from China. Sheesh. I don't even know how to contact them. Thing's probably due on Thursday and we haven't even started discussing shit. I've probably been relying on Haikal too much for my projects thus far, but now without him it's hard to get the others to work. Argh.

This is a difficult class to work with, definitely...I hope it'll all work out in the end.

Well no one really wants or needs to read this but it's a zlobogr efter orhhh. Gawd so boring. And I can't teach Maths gg. LOL. Simultaneous equation also forget. GG me.

Sigh. I need something better to do. More friends maybe <_< DAMN I should have gotten that girl's number. Silly me convieniently forgot. Ewwww. *bangs head on wall*

Supposedly I have a badminton tournament tomorrow but I'm not sure if I was even registered for it, and I don't even have a racket now because Ervin took them back. So I'll just fuck it and run off to Toa Payoh after school.

End Task.

2009-05-05T19:15:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I forgot to mention this yesterday - School Food Punishment is my official favourite band. I don't think I ever get tired of listening to them...sorta like Mami Kawada. They're Japanese, but I can't even classify them into any genre. The vocals are relatively J-pop styled, but I love them anyway, and the keyboards are also like a lead instrument, and...keyboards are probably the favourite instrument that I can't play XD In fact I can't play any instrument at all. Maybe it's because of the combination of small hands and really slow learning pace (need to repeat and repeat until I can 'get' it). I'll elaborate on that later, back to school food punishment!

So basically there's no reason why anyone would shun this band. I first heard of them through a certain anime named Eden of the East (also a good anime, recommended), and upon hearing it just once...I went and got the entire discography. They'd had three mini-albums out, indie releases. And
I've never heard indie music this good :D I avoid indie bands in general since they all tend to bore me, but this one has some unique qualities that I really like, such as the aforementioned vocals and the keyboards. Besides that, the music also bears some similarities to post-rock, something I used to listen to while I did my work, so it's rather soothing and probably resembles something you might hear at a bar. The bass is also very prominent like most J-pop bands, while the guitars take a backseat most of the time. As I said, there doesn't seem to be any way to classify them into any genre, so...just listen to them, dammit. Chances are you won't regret it.

I'm too lazy to post a link so just go to youtube and search for 'school food punishment - futuristic imagination', which got me into the band. Don't be lazy like me and go search it! Don't say 'lazy'! <_<

2009-05-04T23:58:00.003+08:00

Eh-oh! Okay, that was just me trying to act cute. Ignore that <_<

Once again, Monday bleus were upon the unfortunate class of MBS/W04. Essentially a Maths-filled day (if you've been following this blog since at least last year you'd know that Maths is one of my favourite subjects...that I wish to be abolished from the education system), with the deadly combo of the teacher who speaks in Ind-glish (Nitty-nitty spider) and the Wicked Witch of NP. Even fellow lecturers don't like her, let alone students. It was almost as if she came in with the intention of curing insomnia, not that we needed it. Whoever decided that this module required 3 hours in a sitting (probably the Witch herself)? In fact I could not comprehend anything she was saying; but going over the lecture slides enabled me to do my work. So the conclusion is that lectures are useless, anto a certain extent, lecturers too...although some are not too bad. It's just the Wicked Witch.

And if I somehow get tracked to this blog (which I highly doubt to be honest; barely anyone in NP knows of my blog)...I'm just voicing the thoughts of the people. I wonder who is responsible for the cure for insomnia; the module, or the lecturer? Since I could figure out binaries ONLY AFTER going over the slides after she'd taught them on the whiteboard, there seems to be something wrong here, truthfully.

Well, Monday is over and with it, les bleus. In other news...saw another primary school friend (NOT AGAIN?), and this one actually remembers me, LOL. Even before I did. Basically I sat beside her in class in Primary 6 and...that's about it. And she's in IT...not really, Business IT to be exact <_< mostly business with a bit of IT, as her shirt read <_< and to think she was on my contact list the whole time and I never talked to her once. I should talk more to my contacts, eh?

Speaking of MSN, some girl added me two days ago and now we're...god-siblings? Kind of a rush there, but heck, I'll take anything for a distraction these days. Henry...I think it's better to act like I forgot everything. I sure wish I didn't remember anything either. This is what I get for never blowing the candles on my cake <_<

While I figure out the mystery of why this girl decided to ask me some VERY personal questions the first day she added me, I'll end this post right here. Getting sleepy...oh and I'm going to some museum with a red dot, or was it called the Red Dot Museum? Ahah.

Tata.

PS. I saw a pleasant-looking girl in year 2 of my course...wtf why aren't there any such girls in my year. Blasphemy.

2009-04-27T20:44:00.002+08:00

Ahhhhh I'm back again. Regressed back to my usual update pace after three updates in a week (!). Anyway I got too tired to update so much, especially after Saturday. I'm still feeling the effects from badminton. My arse aches, my arms ache, my legs ache, my kidney area aches...pretty much the whole body. Good too, because it means badminton trains the whole body :D

Badminton was pretty fun, really, especially with Wallace, LOL. He pretty much made everything approximately...50% funner <_< Lots of pros there as expected, but it's not like I can't take them on, me with zero experience in school team. Allahjihad. I suffer a bit at doubles though.

So basically it was tiring as fuck, and made worse afterwards by my two-hour bus-ride. Screw 61 and SMRT buses. For no reason, halfway along the journey we were all told to get down. Then I saw 51 behind me and ran to board it, only to realise later that it was headed towards Jurong East. WTFFF. So I had to stop at Haw Par Villa and board 175 back all the way, culminating in a 2-hour bus ride. Imagine how tired I was by then.

But that's over and done with, so we'll just skip Sunday (since it was kinda boring despite it being BFF outing, just slacked at Sentosa and honed my singing skills <_<) and move on to today. My god, school has never been this boring. First was some Indian teacher (NITTIA) who kept calling me 'Jo Na Dan', making sure to carefully pronounce each syllable on its own. Then was Business Stats, which turned out to be Maths, OMFG. The subject I hate most that I didn't drop. My most hated subjects were really Art, D&T and Chinese, but I didn't take any of them for O's so Maths took over. All that practice and tuition and I got a C6 for my troubles. Since then I'd never touched Maths, until today...and of course I'd forgotten everything. It took some teaching from Henry (best teacher np) to recall some stuff. The pseudo-Vietnamese teacher (Mr. Pham) wasn't too bad but the stuff he teaches is really not my cup of tea...I better not fail any module.

And then the 'best' teacher ever, the one I'd heard so much about...Connie. She certainly lived up to her standards, managing to make me fall asleep in class for the first time in poly. The two breaks she gave didn't really compensate for the three hours wasted. Monday blues indeed. I don't think my other days can top this cesspool of boredom.

After that took 61 back home with Henry, and we had a nice chat. Before that I was 'flirting' around too, I don't recall ever doing that <_< I'll have you know that I was alot more introverted as a kid, for reasons unknown. Maybe it's part of my nature, but I've countered it somewhat. I still get symptoms of it though, like when I'm on stage. My feet start trembling like no mother and I have no idea on how to stop it. Also, my voice starts screwing up the moment I touch a mic and speak to the audience. Sigh. I might never get rid of my introverted-ness, but I'll be damned if I don't keep trying. I can sing fine without a mic but with one it's a different story...maybe I need one of those hooked mics to sing normally, because holding on to a mic and speaking into it probably gives me unneccesary pressure.

Also my throat is screwed up, no thanks to the BBQ I had on Saturday at Jovi's house. My 4-week-running sickness just continued. I tend to be sick more often at the first quarter of the year I find. Must be the hot weather. Then the classroom is so cold...I might have to invest in a jacket soon.

I need to find a distraction, and soon. ANYONE LAH. knn stop popping up in my mind.

2009-04-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

I've removed a few links from my...links, either those blogs were dead or it became privated. Unlike some people I'm not THAT lazy already so I actually do stuff like this when I feel like it.

2009-04-21T22:42:00.003+08:00

Anddddd, day two of poly began rather normally, what with 67 leaving just as I reached the bus-stop, AGAIN. So that's 10 minutes wasted waiting for the bus, and I realised I couldn't use my card until I activated it, but I had no notes to top it up (I use NETS), and I forgot that I could activate my card at the control station. I thought I could activate it by simply topping up $10 at the ticketing machine <_< So I ended up paying $1.50 in coins for the bus-ride, and I ended up having not enough money for food again. Now I owe Vernon 50 cents, LOL. He suay suay always stand my behind so I always ask him for spare change. It's good that he doesn't mind, but I'll probably repay him all the petty cash when we graduate <_<

Okay so I'm basically summarizing alot of stuff at the same time. My attention span isn't long enough to type up too much stuff. Moving on...I missed the King Albert Park bus-stop and stopped a little further up. Or rather, quite further up. I ended up using the back entrance into NP instead, and took a tour of the sports complex while already late. Now that was one area I hadn't explored at all. At least next week for S&W I can use the back entrance since it's nearer to the sports complex. Ahhhh. Good discovery I made there, LOL.

Anyway, since I was late for S&W there were no slots left for badminton. I ended up taking a slot for basketball since I didn't feel like playing soccer. In retrospect I could have joined soccer, but then I wouldn't have met Hu Rui! Very coincidentally, he had come late, right after I did, taken basketball just like I did and sat right beside me. However I did not notice who he was until we were made to write our names on a paper. Then I was like, 'You're Hu Rui?' and he said 'yeah'. 'I'm Jonathan'. I think he didn't realise who I was at first, until I asked another question...'you were from Hong Wen?' and then he finally remembered. Haha. He hadn't changed all that much but two-three years of not seeing him kind of removed him from my memory. And I'd apparently changed so much (I think everyone from primary school still have that mental image that I'm botak...), etc. So we had a decent chat and he got introduced to my classmates from MBS, haha. S&W for the first week was merely a briefing so as usual we were let off early, and we had breakfast. Traditional kopitiam breakfast ftw, yesyes.

Then was CATS. Met a bunch of new people and of course with my youthful exuberance I managed to introduce myself to some people rather easily. Who said introverted people can't change their nature? Sorry I can't remember everyone's names because my memory's bad like that, so I'll probably ask for their names again next time round. We watched some video based on a book, Peacock in Penguin Land or something like that. From there the lecturer splitted us into what bird we represented. Practically no one besides me and a girl were 'peacocks'. Lots of 'swans', i.e. quiet people, a few leader-types, about 3 (hawks) and the rest were 'penguins', and to put it bluntly they were the orthodox kind and I wasn't surprised that most of them were from engineering. Someone like me certainly doesn't belong in engineering...I can't follow a rigid set of rules and I usually make up stuff as I go along. So once again from there we were seperated into groups and this time I ended up with 4 people from the 'penguin' category. Doh. It was like a draft, everyone took turns to pick out someone. Since most people didn't know each other it was pretty much random. Surprisingly those 4 were pretty cooperative and threw out plenty of ideas while I could barely think of any; I took care of getting them to churn out ideas and wrote them down. I really should pay attention more often.

Short day overall, but made longer by Haikal because he wanted to go to Vivo to get free ice cream from Ben and Jerry's. Obviously we knew the line would be long but there was a hidden line that was outside...we failed to notice it until we came back from lunch. So we just gave up. And I nearly got fined for drinking in the MRT station, LOL. Even though I was just holding the cup there and I wasn't intending to get on the train, the guy was so law-by-law...anyway I took the trouble of throwing away the drink before getting my concession. Haikal's good to talk to because he never runs out of stuff to say. I like people like that, rofl. What was more surprising was that he'd already had a few girlfriends. Quite the ladies' man, despite his build (BROAD SHOULDERS), proving that girls really like fat and funny men because they're more secure like that. Of course this is just my conjecture and I have no source to prove this. Anyway, was fun talking to him.

Then went home and played some .a with Rayson and his friend. If you hadn't realised already .a is DotA <_< damn he's good, around my standard I'd say :P I worry facing him when we start in-housing in school, rofl. If we end up in the same team we're likely to own everything though. Was fun playing with him.

Well...nothing much else to add, I managed to go over everything that happened today and that's...well, great. Rofl. Probably won't be so detailed tomorrow. People are saying that poly's really boring but I don't think it's all that bad. Come on, talk more to people and it'll become a much funner place. Obviously it's going to be boring if all of you are going to sit there and keep quiet. Initiative...most of my classmates lack that. And to think I was the one lacking initiative in secondary school. St. John really helped with that, LOL. Gotta say, as much as I hate that damned CCA, I can't deny that it's helped me alot in my leadership skills. Not so much first-aid because I never once treated a casualty. I'm careful to keep my CCA a secret so that no one calls me a nurse. Another thing that I don't really mean on keeping a secret is my musical tastes...apparently I look little like a metalhead so I'll probably go to Peninsula to get some band t-shirts, as if I haven't got enough T-shirts already! I need bottoms more than anything. No one's noticed that I'm a 'heavy metal freak' yet, which I suppose won't stay that way for so long...yeah.

Good enough for today, methinks. Bye now.

2009-04-20T21:18:00.003+08:00

And now I'm at home after my first day of school. It was a day fraught with surprises and coincidences all around. Alot more people I knew from primary/secondary school appeared in NP. That brings the total to...um I think it's almost 20. A pretty formidable amount, but not exactly surprising. NP's hugely popular for whatever reason. And they do live up to that status, having plenty of girls to ogle and stuff. Remember, ogling girls is a past-time of mine. It'll be nice having more people to ogle in my class...but no such luck.

About the people whom I've just realised were in NP too, they are my primary school friends Tiong Kiat and Zoe. Since I hadn't been talking to them, and they haven't seen me in quite a while (and vice versa, obviously), they failed to notice me when they got on the bus in the morning. I recognized them, of course, but since they didn't acknowledge me I couldn't ascertain whether they were really who I thought they were. Yeah, let's just say it'll be pretty awkward if I somehow mixed them up with someone else. Well, about the bus. I think I recalled saying I usually take the train to Clementi before switching to a bus. Or maybe I didn't, but I definitely did now. Today since I was going to school really early (left the house at 7 when my first lecture was at 10) I decided to try taking 67, which was a few minutes' walk away. It was packed like sardines. Indian sardines <_< Not to be racist, but I was sandwiched between several people with my considerable baggage, which included my laptop, bag, and mp3 player. Yes, a mp3 player counts as baggage because it's cumbersome, not to mention my screen protector got torn off slightly. I don't know why people insist on bunching up at the front and middle, I nearly couldn't get on the bus. Later, while I was around the middle of the bus (it was a bandy bus w00t) a middle-aged lady was trying to get down. In my attempt to free up space for her to move, I inadvertently elbowed her on the shoulder. It probably didn't hurt much because all she said was 'anyhow bang people' in Mandarin and got off. Keep in mind that I was carrying my laptop, mp3 player AND phone because I was SMSing. I'm putting my laptop in my bag from now on. Too cumbersome in crowded places to carry it around.

So after that the two got on the bus. They didn't appear to notice me at all, because as I found out from them later (again, on the bus but on the way home this time), they couldn't recognize me. Have I changed so much just because I was wearing a pink shirt? I certainly wasn't known for wearing polo tees in the past, let alone pink ones...hmm. It was intriuging. Zoe's hair was what I believe to be in bangs, and Tiong Kiat looks different every time I see him so I can't comment on him. Usually Zoe keeps longer hair, you see. So I didn't approach them then because I might have been mistaken. It does happen. But after I saw them at lunchtime at Makanplace, and then again on the bus back home, I decided that I had to confirm their identities. Another reason why I could not ascertain their identities was because they were acting...couple-ish. I never knew they got together, you see. So on the bus back home I talked with them for a bit. I won't go into detail now because I've gone into enough detail, and I haven't even started on anything about school yet!

Now on to school...met the 4E4 alumni for breakfast. Pretty much everyone who had been in 4E4 and entered NP were there. The spirit is still going strong it seems, sans girls. I don't know why I'm in such a rambling mood today. When was the last time I went into such detail? I don't think anyone would read this either. If you do, drop me a tag, kthxbai.

So I had breakfast (CROQUETTE~~) and after some of them left for their lectures, the remaining ones walked around doing miscellaneous stuff. I found out the numerous routes to get from Makanplace to my school, bwahaha. I haven't ventured very far into the campus though, will have to do that one day.

There's more stuff to add, but I'll just end off with one final anecdote: when we were all in class before lesson started and I started MASS COMM. Everyone was at there quiet, preferring to type into MSN. What a world we live in.

2009-04-19T22:54:00.002+08:00

Lol it's been 10 days since my last update. Of course this isn't anything to be surprised about.

For anyone new reading this blog...welcome to my little domain in cyberspace. w00t! It's good to know that even I, an insignificant being owns a domain in cyberspace, and it's free <_< whether this blog actually mirrors how I act in real life is up to you to decide, but for anyone wishing to pry into my deepest, darkest secrets...they aren't to be found here. Sad, eh.

Okay so tomorrow I'm starting life in poly, FINALLY. It's been a long-ass holiday and alot of stuff has happened, but I'm here now, having lost a friend that I befriended, un-befriended, befriended and un-befriended yet again. Yes it's weird, and no, none of it was instigated by me, but that's how life goes, and the term 'friends forever' is kind of bullshit going by this. But enough about stuff that supposedly makes me sad. Let us delve into the 'happier' stuff, like making new friends...while they aren't likely to be remembered till I die, I'll still be with them for the next three years and I'll just embrace them like any other class I've been in, even if at present they're still a relatively quiet bunch...and I thought any class I'd be in would automatically become every teacher's nightmare. Just like 4E4, or 3E5, or 2E1. Rofl. Great classes as far as tormenting teachers went, but the studying part, not so much. They're classes that actually stick out in my mind even now that I'm not in secondary school anymore, and I hope this class will have the same effect. I don't really want to have a forgettable class like most of my primary school ones.

And so...yeah. I'll probably update another time this week.

Have fun at school people. For those who aren't in my class anymore...don't miss me LOL.

2009-04-09T20:23:00.001+08:00

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Full of WEEEEEN.

2009-04-08T07:33:00.002+08:00

Well...I'm awake now, at 7:30am, having not gotten an ounce of sleep over the past few hours. Believe me, I've tried...but the caffeine in the Panadol tablets I took made me restless. Oh snap. I only realised Panadol contained caffeine at 7am. Only then I realised I'd been putting myself...awake for the past four hours. Why was I taking Panadol? Duh, it was because I had a fever and some nasty headaches, although I choose not to make a big fuss out of it. I don't have to go to school, nor do I need to see a doctor because he'd just give me more of the same pills which I already have (or rather, my mum has).

The best part is? After I read the box that stated Panadol contains 500g of caffeine...I took another pill.

*facepalm*

What else could I do, I had another headache while tossing and turning around in my bed, puzzled over why I just could not get to sleep. It'd been a while since I unsuccessfully fell asleep within 15 minutes, even with the light on and my sister still using her laptop in the room. Then I thought of the Panadol...should I have taken 2 tablets at a time instead? Curious, I 'woke up' for the third time (I'd been trying to get to sleep two other times but failed both times) and well...I've already explained what I read. And for the record, 1-2 tablets is fine. Damn you Panadol, works better than coffee. Ironically whenever I drink coffee I start feeling even MORE tired, rather than the other way around. Since I always felt like sleeping after drinking coffee I decided that caffiene just didn't have much effect on me...until now. It's nice to see the morning sun though. Normally I wouldn't even attempt to go to sleep at all, but my dad kind of dislikes it when I play until dawn, and of course I was sick (probably because I stayed up too late every night). And when you're sick you should get more rest, right?

And as if I couldn't talk enough about this subject...I go on and on and on. My eyes feel as awake as they did 6 hours ago. And somehow I can have MSN convos at this hour wheareas at almost every other hour, despite the amount of people online they all never talk to me. Fucking ironies.

I can't get to sleep now so maybe I'll sleep in the afternoon or something...when the fucken caffiene finally disappears from my system.

2009-04-06T23:16:00.003+08:00

Now looks like a good time, to blog. Because I'm dying of boredom.

I never really plan this stuff beforehand, I just start doing it when I get bored. So you see mindless rants, stories which I come up with on the fly...I'd love to do more writing work but I have to broaden my scope of inspiration. In any case I'm turning into a hermit. Haven't gone out since Saturday (and that was an all-day event, I reached home after midnight as usual...), and it wasn't even my class's gathering, LOL. It made me think about whether any of my previous classes should have any gatherings in the near future. I'm always too lazy to organize anything so any organizing work won't come from me! Although it was funny on Saturday to see Jovi the organizer doing nothing of note; even the place where he suggested to eat, we didn't go to in the end. Even though it's not my class, I do know some people so it was pretty fun regardless.

It's official, I'm turning into a hikikomori. Thankfully it won't be anything long-term because school starts soon, but GOSH these few weeks will be torture. I've never been more eager for school to start because I need to start making new friends fast <_< Even though I don't really know what kind of people I'll meet, hopefully not too quiet ones...I don't really like people like that. You ask them something and they just answer with monosyllabic responses. Yep, these kind of people will lead to some very colourful and interesting conversations [/sarcasm]

Hopefully I'll meet people who actually TALK! I'm getting bored of my MSN contacts, I can't talk to any of them and that sort of frustrates me because I'm getting bored of EVERYTHING. Watching an entire season of Shakugan no Shana only makes me have a headache because I'm wearing my headset all the time...owning a headset has caused me to forget about the laptop's speakers because they're pure shit. The best part is that it costs only $12 and has good sound quality. I play DotA only when a friend asks me to, otherwise I'd rather not play on my own. Playing on my own only increases the chances of my having more noob teammates. Losing isn't fun so I'd rather not take any chances.

So most of the fun things to do involve friends. See how important they are now? I can't imagine having no friends. Despite my introverted nature I make friends surprisingly easily, so that's not a problem...the hardest part is sustaining them and having a worthwhile friendship with them.

Ah, heck, what am I saying. So...yeah, nothing else to report. Signing off, Johny the one who sent Joanne <_<

PS. I did actually meet a Joanne o.0 Pretty quiet, looks like Philene <_<

2009-03-28T01:27:00.002+08:00

Ohhh hai. Errr...I don't really know how to start off this post. Too much stuff I'd like to start off with.

Hmm, let's just go with 'I went to Wild Wild Wet today'. Yeah, that's pretty good. It being the first day since I went out on Monday, I decided to go out pretty early, at noon. Big mistake. Maybe I was too excited about using my mp3 player, but I ended up staying inside the SMRT system for two and a half hours and had to pay $2 because of it. I won't elaborate on how this happened because I'm rather lazy and tired right now.

So due to these unforseen circumstances which I am too lazy to talk about, I went out at noon but reached Wild Wild Wet at...3pm. Well to be honest if the admission wasn't free I wouldn't go, but having gotten a 'free' showcase of the place I might not mind paying to get in next time. I don't know. Anyway despite spending 'only' about 4 hours there it was enough time to try out everything. It was my first time there too because I had previously boycotted the place due to what I thought was its extravagant price...and last year I wanted to go but lost my wallet on that very day.

Well, it was a Friday so I wasn't expecting much in the way of pretty girls (Wanyee didn't go so there was some kind of void for chio girls, or so she might have said. Actually I made that up <_<). So it was some kind of testesterone-charged group playing around all the time. We got blown at by the lifeguards at least three times, all of them either for doing something stupid or in the case of Kenny, having a cramp. Play play until can get cramp.

Ehh so my favourite ride was the inverter-thingy (I forgot the name). Imagine falling off a building. Yeah that's probably the feeling you'll get. I guess I'll enjoy roller coasters too, I haven't been on one though...don't know why. After two times on that thing though I didn't really feel like going on it again, lol. Kind of like a NDE, it sticks in your mind. Humans live for thrill though, that feeling of having your heart in your mouth. That's why there are roller coasters in the first place...humans love to be scared.

I'm pretty sure I got sunburn. And I thought I was tanned enough. Maybe it's the amount of time I spend at home nowadays, I'm turning into a hikikomori already. And if you don't know what a hikikomori is, google it. It's my best friend, I don't know why people don't use search engines more and keep asking me where this and that is, when it's at te tip of your fingers. Instead I do the searching for them. Well I don't mind, I like helping people.

I think my shoulder's peeling already, and I'm getting really tired so I shall take my leave. The road to erasure is tough, but I suppose it'll come naturally when school starts. It's a new life as you say, yes?

2009-03-26T01:30:00.002+08:00

thank fuck I don't subscribe to the mentality that 'if I don't exist in her world, I'm dead in all worlds', or you'd see me in the newspaper.

and I've forgotten how to smile. if I knew how to smile in the first place.

you don't need me. but you have no idea. oh you haven't got any idea.

you say you're nice. you don't block people. oh how nice.

guess why i seem to annoy you to no end. you're unresponsive.

no matter how near we may be, it may as well have been that we lived in different universes.

i've already tried to not be so cynical. sorry i failed.

i'd really liked to have talked to you for as long as possible. this is about as far as it went.

i regret nothing. those feelings were too much to suppress anyway, they'd have come out sooner or later.

well i guess that's the end. the end of what? you guess for yourself. certainly not the end of my life, i don't do that kind of thing.

so long.

2009-03-23T22:08:00.004+08:00

That momentum to blog at least every two days or so had died down (as expected), so I'm pretty much back to my once-every-few-weeks posts. Bad luck for the masses, but it's not like I really care, lol.

SO...err, not sure why that O is capitalised, but it's a small matter really. My friends have been engulfed into the diabolical clutches that is...Asiasoft! Yes, they are whoring MapleStory as I'm typing this and it leaves me with nothing to do since I swore never to play any RPG game even if the entire world does so. And Maple is one of the worst MMORPGs ever, in terms of playability...not to mention the amount of twits it has spawned. I don't care that people can make 3k a month off 'playing' that game, it just shows how much idiots can actually spend on a game that is merely 'cute' in terms of graphics (for the record I don't remotely agree with that statement), but fails at everything else, BUT STILL manages to make suckers buy their pre-paid cards and buy fake money in exchange for REAL money (I don't think I need to explain how silly this concept is). Sure I did buy a pre-paid card for Garena but I probably won't buy it again because I found I didn't really need it at all; paying $6 just to enter rooms on Garena at will and some other miscellaneous stuff isn't what I'd call 'worth it', then again I'm a cheapskate.

And Garena is another bloodsucker as well. Pre-paid cards are the spawn of Satan to con unsuspecting gamers to waste their parents' money on stuff that cannot be touched. I bought one pretty much on a whim, and believe it or not that was the first time I ever bought one. I never played Maple so I didn't buy any of those money-sucking cards. Those guys at Garena and AsiaSoft must be laughing all the way to the bank. Imagine this: you pay $10.70 for a Cherry Credits card (10000 credits), and $6 goes into being a gold member on Garena (which is probably the only reason why one would buy such a card). Wow, so what do you do with the rest of the virtual cash? Obviously I can't get gold membership for another month. Duh, this is to make people buy MORE of these cards. Gawd, these guys are geniuses and I wish I had their brains so I can scam kids (and even adults!) of their money. Perhaps this is part of business? Perhaps this is why business courses are the most popular? Holy smoke.

Ahaha, enough with that rant. On to my daily mundane life...*yawn* *everyone leaves*

Ahem, *now speaking to an empty theatre except for a guy who's on a seat snoring* so I went to school today to top-up my software. To be honest I didn't need to go that early, but Nelson was being a kiasu Singaporean, etc...in fact I didn't even know I had to top-up my software. I guess this is because my course doesn't require much software to top-up in the first place. Interesting. So I'm not so sure what my course is doing in the school of IT. Oh and I saw a girl from my course, holy smoke. I thought they didn't exist! I didn't talk to her though. Maybe I kind of over-reacted about there being no girls in IT and IT being 'fail'. It's not that bad, and ironically it was what I wanted to do when I was in Sec 1, since I was in the IT club in primary school (not counted as a CCA though). So I'm somewhat, sorta, a NERD. *gasp* *dramatic pause* A NERD. And I have gotten comments that I look nerdy, well I can't really help that since I don't FEEL nerdy.

Oops I shouldn't be so dramatic. But life is so much less fun without drama. A normal life isn't FUN, and don't we all aim to have fun before we die? Okay, maybe not everyone but I sure do.

And I went to buy a mp3 player with Dom and YY after that top-up software thing. The hour-long rides will kill me if I don't have a working one (my earpiece and mp3 player are both spoilt). As Yuan Zhi always said, I'd love to go on a never-ending bus ride, just sitting there listening to music.

Uhh, well, tata my darlings, and remember I'm always fabolous. And Junru is pretty. *nod nod*

2009-03-17T00:36:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, I just feel not-so-lazy to blog these few days. But it's for the best because you all can see top-quality retarded posts from someone who should already be in IMH but is able to deceive psychiatrists into believing that I'm a sane person. Yes yes *nods in agreement to myself*

So um...I went to the dentist today. No, I have no problems with them, nor do I need braces (I wouldn't wear them even if I 'needed' to). In fact, they're fine! Don't know why my mum insisted. Anyway did a routine checkup and that was about it. At least the dentist isn't some demon like many people seem to believe, this one was not too bad, lol. And I'm not exactly talking about appearance, since she was wearing a mask and everything. A hockey mask *shudder*

Paid my school fees after that at the SAM, way overdue. I leave everything to the last minute...in short I'm a procrastinator, as if anyone out there didn't know already. And I still have a bunch of forms to hand in by...today. 17 March. LOL. When it comes to paperwork I always forget about it, ESPECIALLY when it requires my dad's signature. It is only a day or two before the dateline that I remember about such stuff, because when he comes home I'm usually playing some game, CS or DotA. It'd be a good idea to shake off this (very bad) habit or I'll suffer worse consequences in the future...but hey! That's something to think about, IN THE FUTURE. =P

Yeah, I just shove everything to be done in the future rather than completing it early.

Gawd my headset is making my neck sore. And I need a haircut. And I may need some new clothes for poly, and I DESPERATELY NEED to stop asking retarded questions or my future is in jeopardy. Oh wait, it probably is already. Bleh, what's done is done.

Did you expect a long-arse post? So sowwie I can't be arsed. I update almost everyday leh!

2009-03-16T00:20:00.003+08:00

Argh, feeling so nauseous.

So I went to the library today with Ervin and um, along the way there a tree had fallen on the shelter. It looked like this:

Yeah. See that lopsided, uprooted stick-like thingy leaning on the roof of the shelter? That's the tree that caused me to walk on the grassy area with all the muddy water, in effect heavily dirtying my slippers and feet. Ughhhh. Then Ervin went and bought 3 bottles of water to help me clean up, lol. He said they costed 25 cents each. Cheap.

So anyway by the time we reached the library Ervin's original purpose for coming in the first place had already left <_< No matter, he just studied his whatever-JC stuff while I used my lappy. So if you saw me online from 6:30 to 8...I was at the library then <_<

Ehh, basically I was talking cock with Wanyee on MSN (been doing that the whole day) and she wanted to buy some retarded T-shirt which you all will probably see the next time we go out, assuming she actually buys it. I'll just say it's super bhb <_< and then I finished Roadtrip and did some other miscellaneous stuff that I could easily do at home to be honest, but no matter. After that we ate dinner at IMM and I took 51 home. By gawd that was the worst choice I've made in a while (rivaling that silly question that got me into all the trouble I'm facing), the bus shook so much and I was ready to puke. Fortunately thanks to my unwillingness to puke, EVER, I held it in. And I'm still feeling a little sick, but I'm fine otherwise. Obviously I didn't puke in the end, I REALLY dislike puking. You learn something new everyday, now you will learn that the act of vomiting by another person WILL induce me to vomit as well, in certain circumstances. Imagine that. Adding to the scenery. Last time I puked, I puked 6 times in a row and it certainly wasn't pretty. No prizes for guessing when that happened.

2009-03-13T10:15:00.003+08:00

A man was diagnosed with cancer, and the doctor had told him it was in its final stages; the cancerous cells were rapidly spreading throughout his body. While the man was sad at first, he soon got up on his feet and decided that he had to do something meaningful, something to stamp his mark on the world before he left.

And so he decided to build a sculpture. The man was an artist, and his works had gained international recognition. On the very day he conceived the idea, he held a press conference to explain his condition and his intentions. The arts world eagerly awaited what would be the man's final masterpiece, and were saddened on hearing that the great man had to be robbed of his life at such a young age, at only 29.

The man went for long walks around the park, around the city, but lacked the inspiration to begin working. Finally after several days, on a routine walk around the city, the man took notice of a ravishing maiden, through the window of a coffee shop. Her poise, her elegance as she sipped on a cup of coffee daintily while reading a book was far too stunning for the man to ignore. Simply put, it was love at first sight. Taking out his sketchbook, the man began to sketch out the lady.

Before he knew it, the man had been staring through the window for two hours. He was planning to have a chat with the lady and show her his sketch, but then he remembered his condition. He did not have long to live. Should the girl ever know about this, she'd leave him in an instant. But his mind suddenly thought the reverse - if he died without even saying hi to the girl, he'd have passed on with a regret. Upon having this thought, the man marched into the coffee shop - but the lady was gone. Lost in his thoughts, the girl had somehow eluded him. The man decided to come back the next day to see if the girl would return to the coffee shop.

However, she never appeared the next day, even though the man waited from opening time until it closed. The man wasn't ready to give up so easily after he had finally met the woman of his dreams. It was then that it hit him - he would build a sculpture using the lady as his model. Perhaps, that would enable him to find her, since his works attracted a lot of attention from the world of art. There was a chance that the lady appreciated art, as she was refined and had very good fashion sense. Unfortunately, all he had to work with was his memory and his sketch, but he decided that would be good enough.

The man began to lock himself up in his studio, working day and night, for days on end. He refused to see his family and friends, as he had no time to be mingling around accepting their sympathy. He had a job to do, and time was running out. He had to see the girl another time before he died.

The doctor had told the man that he had barely three months to live. That wasn't nearly enough time to finish building a life-sized sculpture, but that was no reason to give up. Once he started working on something, he would never give up on it no matter what. Usually he would take his time on a project, but of course the time constraints made this impossible.

During his time on working on the sculpture, the man began to fall very sick. He began to cough more and more violently as the days went by, culminating in his coughing up blood. Also, he felt very frail and he lost a ton of weight. It was getting increasingly difficult to build the sculpture because of his condition. Despite all this, the man soldiered on.

One day, as the man was resting on his chair after having coughed up more blood, he heard a knock on the door. It turned out that a long-lost friend had just returned from overseas. Upon hearing the man's story, his friend wasted no time in starting work. His friend had decided that he would help the man as his last act of gratitude, as the man was the inspiration for his current job as a architect. With his experience as an architect, the design of the sculpture was refined and made easier to complete.

With only a few days before his expected departure from the world, the sculpture was finally completed. By this time, the man had barely enough strength to even walk, so he was being led on a wheelchair by his friend. The sculpture was finally ready to be shown to the world, but that was not the man's true concern. Of course, his concern was that he would not get to meet the girl before he died. At the opening launch, the press were in awe at the marvelous creation. The sculpture was entirely made out of glass, and it depicted a likeness of the woman sipping on a cup of coffee while reading a book; the man's only memory of her, and also what attracted him to her in the first place. It received rave reviews from artists and connoisseurs alike, applauding it on being a 'true declaration of love'.

The man stayed at the gallery during his final days, hoping that the girl would appear. So far he had not seen anyone resembling her yet. The girl acted as his dying will, and there was little other reason to stay alive, having completed his final masterpiece. After all his hard work, if the girl never arrived...

With a final round of violent coughs, the man slumped on his seat, having breathed his last.

At that very moment, his friend had gone to the toilet to wash up, as he had been with him throughout. When he returned, he found his dearest friend had already passed on. However...there was a woman by his side on the wheelchair. It was such that anyone would be mesmerised by her beauty, with a petite figure and long, flowing hair, clad in a flowery dress. The man's friend knew right there, that that had to be the woman that his friend had longed to see so much, to the point of overworking himself. But it seemed that it was too late.

The woman noticed his friend, and went up to him. "This man...did he really build this sculpture in my likeness?" she asked. Her voice was so sweet and soft that the man's friend could barely hear what she was saying. With tears flowing down his cheek, the man's friend slowly nodded.

"Yes...he loved you very much."

---------------

Okay, so this story is just some rough draft. It is not completely fleshed out, as I was more set on completing the story before my creative juices ran out, so I wasn't too concerned about the vocabulary used, as long as it got the job done. Maybe in the future I will make some improvements to the draft, but for now this is it. The original ending I had in mind wasn't nearly as touching, it was considerably more violent, but I don't know...somehow the ending changed as I wrote it. Maybe there's always a sliver of hope in all of us, hoping that the man does get to meet the girl. I guess it's never too late though.

2009-03-10T14:57:00.002+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you...rocket science. Right at my lift door!

And that's all.

2009-03-09T22:27:00.002+08:00

OMGWTF two posts within a week? Impossible, you may think. But rules are made to be broken and...let's get this started.

Yeah, so while in the shower I got this weird idea: why not write a children's story? By that I mean a story targeted at, you guessed it, little brats! All it means is that I won't have to think so hard to come up with a story, because it can be (and should be) simplistic. Also this means that Junru might actually get what I'm writing! <_<

So here goes.

Ben is an 8-year-old boy, in Primary 2 and he is very contented with his life right now. I mean, what is there not to like? He lives in a bungalow and his parents are very, very rich. His daddy works as a 'general manager' and his mummy works as a 'CEO', whatever that is. He only knew because Mrs Foo asked the class to describe what our parents worked as. So he went to ask them. That is how he knows, and although he did not really understand what they meant, he just told the class and they were all 'ooh' and 'ahh' and 'Wow Ben, your mummy is a C-E-O? You must be very rich!'

And he was. After all, living in a bungalow already shows this. Ben could have all the toys he wanted, and all the video games he wanted (or even not wanted, but his parents bought them anyway, because they had alot of money). He had piano lessons, violin lessons, tuition at Kumon - his school was the famous Raffles Primary School and his parents could afford to send him to such a good school, where the teachers like Mrs Foo are nice and did not scold him when he talked to his friends. One time Sunny told him that the reason why teachers like Mrs Foo did not scold was because his daddy donated a huge plasma wide-screen TV to the school. It is in the canteen, and Ben had to admit, it was very huge and clear and nice. He would always watch Dora The Explorer and go around on adventures, right there in the canteen! And so would Sunny, his bestest friend ever. Sunny was very smart and clever, and he knew a lot of things that Ben didn't. One time Sunny told him that when he was going to his parents' room to pee, he saw his parents on the bed with their clothes lying on the floor and his mummy was on top of his daddy and his mummy was screaming 'OH GOD I'M COMING!' and Sunny looked up to the ceiling but he saw no god up there and he ran out of the room forgetting that he had to go pee and he peed his pants instead, but that was not important, said Sunny. Ben wondered if his parents did things like this too, because he had heard the exact same line before but he was very sleepy and could only wonder if God was coming. After that he had asked Mummy whether she was going to Heaven because she told Ben before that God is in Heaven and is watching us, every step we take he is there to guide us and before every meal we must say thank you to God because he gave us the food on the table. Ben was a little confused by that because it was his maid who cooked the food and he did not see God giving him the food. Maybe Maria was the god. So anyway Ben asked his mummy why she said that, but she told him that he had heard wrongly. Ben was sure that he had heard something about God but his mum told him to shut up and don't talk when you're eating, so Ben shut up and ate his Kobe beef, which was very delicious and daddy told him it was expensive because it was air-flown from Kobe, which he said was somewhere in Japan. Ben had gone to Japan before, it had a big Mickey Mouse and Disneyland. He had a lot of fun there and even got a picture with Donald Duck, which was his favourite Disney character ever. He also likes High School Musical and had sung and danced to all three movies, all of which he enjoyed very much.

One time Ben wondered why Sunny was named Sunny and Sunny said that his mummy told him that he wanted him to be as bright and cheerful as the sun, so she named him Sunny. His daddy had wanted to call him Donald. Ben did not know why Sunny was not called Donald; Donald was a very nice name and was also the name of his favourite Disney character Donald Duck. Donald Duck is so cute! But Ben never sees Sunny smile or laugh before. He never smiled and never laughed at anything, however he was very curious. One time Sunny told him that while looking for his Transformers toy that his daddy had taken away from him, he found a weird toy in his mummy's drawer and he went to bite it because it looked like a hot dog but it was hard and smells funny. Ben had never seen any toy that looked like a hot dog before. He asked Sunny to bring it to school next time so Sunny could show him what it looks like, but Sunny said his mum saw him playing with it and took that away from him too saying that Sunny cannot ever touch this toy and he cannot play with it and if she sees him playing with it again she will ground him. So Ben never got to see the toy, however he had searched his very big house for it but never found it anywhere, so maybe only Sunny's mummy has such a toy.

And so ends this retarded story.

2009-03-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane.

Okay so I haven't updated in a long while...I figured that my mundane life wasn't much to blog about (EXCUSES. LIES. YADDA YADDA XD). Yeah so as if you haven't figured out by now, I was just too lazy. Besides I didn't say I'd update everyday (which is plain impossible), so I don't owe you all anything, lol. I update whenever I want.

Could have said something about the chalet I had, but I forgot most of it. It was QUITE sian, but it had its moments, definitely. Every minute spent in front of the TV was a boring minute, of course. Watching some silly show with Barney-like dogs (by that I mean they were wearing costumes) and growing is...educational to say the least. I forgot the name of that show, but it was mind-numbing, as is most kiddy shows anyway. Come to think of it I didn't watch that much 'educational' TV when I was young, besides Sesame Street maybe. Unlike now, I used to watch alot more TV. Now whenever the television is on, it's definitely not me watching it. Seems the only shows I'm interested in are anime, and that I can watch online on demand. Me no like waiting for next week's show.

That and TV is more likely to spoil your eyes than the computer monitor. To be honest though there's just little on TV that entertains me. I don't even bother watching HK dramas anymore, maybe if there's something particularly 'good' (by good I mean Victoria asked me to watch it. LOL).

I haven't got Animax at home. I don't think it's good either, since most of the anime they show, sucks. So here I am, on the laptop. I find I return to this topic more often than I'd like, the issue of me being on the laptop 24/7 when I'm at home. Maybe because it comprises 3/4 of my life right now? That's a distinct possibility. Doesn't mean I haven't got friends though.

Wow, I've run out of stuff to say already. That's astounding, because this post is still shorter than my usual length. Oh well, I'll be back another day.

School of IT is fail, massive fail, EPIC fail.

2009-02-20T01:44:00.005+08:00

Well I didn't really have anything to say, so I'll just put pics. No, not of me, but of OUR GLORIOUS LEADER KIM JONG-IL.

http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee116/code_karasuhebi/509ac1e5.jpg
http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee116/code_karasuhebi/c8a79403.jpg
http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee116/code_karasuhebi/2f2b87dc.jpg
http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee116/code_karasuhebi/efba86c7.jpg
http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee116/code_karasuhebi/1b7f29e3.jpg

I cba to put tags on the pics so just c+p because I'm a fucken lazy arse.

Also, the retarded pics I took while at work:

2009-02-17T02:27:00.003+08:00

Hello, here's another one of my late-night posts. I don't think the time I write stuff really matters but I'm being battered by songs which I have zero interest in and to take a break from...that, I came here. Don't know what nonsense I'm going to type out, but it'll be something fruitFOOL. GEDDIT? FRUITFUL. FRUITFOOL. Okay that wasn't funny. MOVING ON...

I'm still too lazy to get another blogskin. Ahh Vermilion. The song I've listened to the most, for whatever insane reason back in Sec 2. Methinks it was because I was an emofag back then. No prizes for guessing who caused this. Anyway, that phase is over and I don't think I'll ever give a shit about that person again. Maturity! Unlike someone who's the same age as me and acting like I was in Sec 2. Grow up pleaseeeee you has a mustache already!

As you can probably tell by now I not only had nothing to say when I first started the post, but I'm also a master of conjuring up something from nothing. This is partly why my posts are so long. To 'compensate' for having such long posts, I refrain from making too many of them, or else my reader(s) will experience a cranial overload, and that can't be good for my viewership, because overall viewership will drop. In fact I think there are loads of unknown strangers who see this blog, decide that I do NOT, in any way, enhance their life in any way and leave, unknowningly having gained a sense of enlightenment, which unfortunately does not manifest in any way thereafter. Although I think it helps power their lightbulbs. Sitting in the dark does not improve your eyesight! Be like me and use your computer when there's an adequate light source, or *this part has been removed due to complaints LOL*

Ohh, well, my current lifestyle is boring yet exciting, productive yet unproductive, healthy yet unhealthy. What the flying fuck am I talking about? As has been said a million times before on here already, I spend most of my waking hours in front of my laptop. It's boring at times, but I wouldn't really call it exciting. Errr, maybe scratch the 'exciting' part.

It's productive because I learn new stuff everyday! But according to adults like my dad I learn about nothing productive while sitting there. He has no idea. Lol. Apparently if I don't go to school I'm learning nothing.

It's obviously 'unhealthy' to sit in front of a screen all day. I take breaks, of course. I stare out the windows, like a hawk, trying to spot if there's some cute girl at the bus-stop that is situated opposite my house. Good eye habit, yes? =D I've seen some terribly weird stuff while looking out the window. Like police checks at 3am and random pieces of litter flying down from a higher floor window (AKA Killer Litter). Luckily, no bodies flying. No one attempts to commit suicide here. It must be the 'sense of enlightenment'. I did write a post about suicide before...I think. I don't know, I don't read back on my old posts since I always wrote them on the fly and I'm just plain lazy.

Damn, my posts always take so long to complete. Hours and hours of rubbish is collected on this zblogor and forever left to rot in the dirge of the Intarwebz. Maybe someday, I'll get noticed for my amazing talent for conjuring up rubbish and I'll end up like Terry Pratchett.

It is also funny how my posts practically ignores all public (and unoffical) holidays. Valentine's Day? LOL. As a single male I don't see any point in it. I've never seen more sulky males on any other day before, it's amazing. And there's nothing to get emotional about if you're left without a date (if you're a male that is...). For girls it's an entirely different story. And I'll leave it as that since everyone understand. I'll go watch anime, getting tired of this. It's been more than an hour since I started this, it's ridiculous!

2009-02-10T21:42:00.003+08:00

My dad's quite the funny guy. Not funny as in witty, but the unintentionally funny funny kind. The sort who means well but really...what does he know? As most of you might know I'm at my laptop just about all the time when I'm at home, and sometimes I even play LAN outside, so even outside I'm usually facing a computer screen. And I don't know, my dad doesn't seem to like it. Staying up late just to play computer games to him is something unheard of - afterall the night time is for sleeping! Also to him it's a bad habit to stay up late in the first place, even thought he himself stays up most of the time, and my mum does too and he doesn't say anything about THAT. And staying up late probably means watching porn to him, I don't know.

Why am I talking about my dad all of a sudden? Because this afternoon when I woke up after playing DotA until 6am, I saw a newspaper cutting inside my laptop cover. Initially on seeing it I simply crushed it and threw it into the bin, but for the purposes of this post I dug it up. I'm not sure why he wanted to show it to me, but I think he's going to attempt to cut down on the time I spend on the computer/laptop/whatever. Maybe he's concerned because of a line on the cutting that went '...since one-in-five kids report being solicited on-line for sex, and one out of three admit that they've seen pornographic websites, even if by accident.' I fucking LOL'ed when I read that. I mean, what does he really expect me to do if I don't use the computer? I don't just play games, and it's not like my eyesight has disappeared because I stare too much at a computer screen - I still retain my perfect eyesight to this day, for some reason. And the last line from that cutting is too priceless - 'Remind them that there's a whole world outside just waiting to be explored.' My gawd, he's making me out to be a hikkikomori (someone who just stays at home all the time and plays video games)...anyone who knows me knows that that is certainly NOT the case. And I'd attribute most of my good English to reading stuff online. I read more online than you think. There's so much interesting stuff to read, the Internet is not all filled with porn you know, although the Internet IS for porn (inside joke). And now my blog will appear in online search results for the keyword 'porn'. I'm so screwed. <_<

The Internet (and the computer) is definitely not without its merits. Without it I'd be bored off my arse, and I'm not sure anyone likes a bored me. I know I don't. I'm not stupid enough to get conned online either. Either way I don't think I can stay up to 5am anymore, not that I really want to, it's just that there were friends to play with, or else I'd go to sleep early.

I always thought my parents were more laid-back than most, but this just proved that my dad's like any other - wary of his child's influences and wary of the Intarwebz. All he uses it is for reading email, so I'm not surprised. Maybe I'll grow up like that too, I don't know. I'll find out when I'm older. But I know I'm not going to fret too much if my child ends up watching porn. Hey, they've got to learn how to procreate someday! I feel sorry for those 20-plus guys whose first encounter with sex is when they get married, and it ends up being a very awkward experience. Not that I actually know anyone like that, but you don't just magically 'know' how to do it. Most people learn by, you got it, watching porn. But porn is more fantasy than anything and I wouldn't take it too seriously. Am I going to rape someone because I watch porn? No, I'm a level-headed person. People who commit sex-related offenses are usually fucked in the head. It's just like blaming violence on video games - you'd have to be fucked in the head to think of shooting someone after you've played a violent game. People who can actually differentiate being reality and fantasy wouldn't do that, meaning video games are NOT to blame for violence. Blame yourself for being mentally fucked-up enough to be influenced by it. As you'd expect, I shit on censorship in all forms.

And so I'll probably have to find a new hobby from now on <_<

2009-01-30T09:51:00.002+08:00

He is apprehensive. As he stared at the phone while it was being turned on, he felt a sense of foreboding, more than anything else. There wasn't much chance of him actually getting into any course he wanted, but he had to try...

The phone continued to start up. He started wondering why he turned off his phone the night before in the first place - didn't he know there would be an sms coming? No matter. In his half-awakeness, he picked up the phone, very slowly, and opened the message.

MOE: YEE CHUN KIT JONATHAN, you are posted to NGEE ANN POLY, MOBILE BUSINESS SOLUTIONS (N63) under 2009 JAE

With a sigh, he waited for his friend to get back on the line. Half-heartedly he told his friend of his posting. Tired and bored. Was this how he was going to feel for the rest of his life? Everything which had been smooth-sailing from the start - he had been able to choose where he wanted to go all his life - had come to a standstill. Sort of. Of course, life goes on. But what sort of life is it going to be? Is he going to drop out like his sister did? If so, where would he go? There was no chance of applying to another course - if they wouldn't accept him through JAE, there wasn't much point trying. The only conclusion he could draw from this was that MOE was smoking crack, based on other postings. It was relatively ok though. The haphazard way with which he had inserted his choices was ill-advised, to say the least. It could decide his future...yet he just randomly inserted courses based on whether he had even a vague interest in it. This particular one...he wasn't so sure what kind of interest he had. His friend was in there, sure. But who gives a fuck about friends getting into the same course? One has the capacity to make new friends.

*back to first-person*

Maybe I need to think a bit longer before inserting stuff at random. That's all. Did I really want to do this course? Not really. I just wanted to fill up slots. But it so happens that polys have such a OMGWTFBBQ high standard that the courses I want to go are obviously over my head, if based solely on score. But ability? I'm sure I could do them. Elitist fucks pushing up the COP. I, who got screwed solely because of one subject, am being overlooked by people who gets 8 distinctions. This is how you do business. This is fucking retarded. For once life doesn't go the way I want it to. Either way, it's time to embrace this new life and try to do something with it. I'll write more frequently now, I think I'm going to be a novelist in the future. If I can't do what I want to do through education, I'm going to do it on my own time. This DOES mean that I'll update more often. Yay?

2009-01-25T22:59:00.004+08:00

I'm a mental therapist, with a mental problem. Beat that.

EDIT: Shortest post ever? YESH. =DDDDD

2009-01-24T15:32:00.003+08:00

I can't be arsed to talk about the past, so I will not. This is some epic laziness I've got here. Maybe I should do something about it, because this laziness essentially cost me a job. For some reason I'm not so lazy that I'd refuse to go out in the morning or anything like that...if I have to I'd just wake up earlier, without a second thought. Weird, huh.

Anyway I don't really feel like working atm. Money's not so important. It's pretty obvious that I'm not cut out for logistics, since I hate maneuvering jacks/trolleys/metal cages. Motor skills = cmi. All I was good for at work was doing sampling. I don't know, I think I have some advantage that I won't elaborate on here (lest others start saying I'm bhb LOL). Also, I can't sit around and do nothing, even though I like slacking. I'm the sort who has to be doing something 24/7. Even on the comp when I'm bored I'll sometimes resort to mindlessly clicking on the mouse. It's a habit I think.

Uhh I was planning on doing some picture story, on some random (and retarded) pics I took while I was at work. The pics are a tad too big so I'll scrap that idea for now. A picture story is where I'll construct a story based on pictures, with some words of course. Can't make an entire story out of pictures, lol. I'd have to take a zillion more pictures. Just know that it's going to be silly, very silly. Obviously I cba to do it or it'd be up by now.

Oh and I cut my hair, after incessant pestering from my parents. Say what, CNY must cut. Do I look like the sort who actually follow TRADITIONS? Sorry I only collect money and sit there and rot. That's what I do every year.

I'll just end off with one pic I took, see if it fits on my blogskin:

EDIT: Okay it was too large as expected. Might have to resize them.

2009-01-10T01:14:00.002+08:00

It's a boring night as usual. The people I usually talk to aren't online or are doing some other shit which I do not know of. There is no DotA game. I forgot where I stopped watching School Rumble, so I'm not watching it at the moment. Besides, I think I'll go to sleep soon. Work starts tomorrow (or rather, later). And I'm alone. And it's relatively complicated, and I have zero working experience. I have no idea if this counts. Bah, everything will sort itself out.

So O level results will be out on the 12th. And I just block it from my mind. Worrying is useless. I'll leave all the worrying on that day so I can shorten the amount of time I'm worried. I have a holiday going on here, I better spend it as a happy person. Although this might get difficult sometimes (other people's 'auras' spread to me). Well, I do what I can. And although I scolded Square for being dumb on my tagbox, I'll just wish everyone...good luck. Don't want to see any crying. Seriously. I might end up crying myself, but I hope not. See, that's why I don't want to think about it. So retarded. All this thought of 'OMFG I'M GOING TO DO BADLY' won't do anyone any good. My dad has asked me about the date of my results no less than 5 times, but luckily he hasn't pestered me about the results themselves, maybe because he doesn't think I'll do that well and decided that it wasn't really worth asking. I don't seem to be concerned, myself, to him anyway. Afterall all I do is play right? But that's the least of my worries, probably my only worry, in fact. Even work doesn't seem that daunting to me, at least not right now. I really am a emotionless shell.

So I'll shove all thoughts about results and where I can go, into the back of my mind, until Monday. Like what I've been doing. If anyone is surprised, don't be, lol. I'm the sort of person who can laugh and crack jokes mere hours after I've lost my wallet, which happens to be pretty important to me. Rather, it's simply troublesome if I don't have my wallet. Who knows what I put as priorities in my life. I'm the eternal slacker; I don't give a shit about most stuff. I take things a day at a time. Less stressful, you see.

The only thing that gets me down is you. Yet it is you who takes me beyond the stars.

2008-12-30T19:43:00.002+08:00

Good lord. The year will soon come to pass. Most other new years have been terribly eventful, but I think this one will be anything but. The year when I turned 16 is probably one I'm not likely to forget anytime soon (just like any other recent year <_<), a shitload of stuff happened just this exceptionally long holiday alone. There's a first time for everything. My music tastes seemingly regressed (or expanded, depending on how you see it), and now among my collection, there are some weird songs that don't include gurgling and screeching. One's tastes grow with age. I was probably alot more elitist about music at the start of the year (POP? EWWW!), now I hum some pop songs unabashedly. Not forgetting SUPER SPECIAL, still the gayest song I've ever downloaded and not deleted. If I bothered to tag it properly it'd appear on the top of my 'Most Played' list on last.fm.

The extrememly shitty OHMYFUCKINGGAWD Levels have come and gone, and there's no way am I going to retake it. Ever. Too stressful. There will probably come more fearful exams than the OMFG Levels, but right now I'll enjoy my freedom of not being tied down to school. That said, I hardly ever think about my results. It causes gloom and worry more than anything, and I won't subject myself to such shitty emotions. It's how I stay crazy.

And um...my class! How could I forget such a wonderful class. Such great people to wreak havoc on the school with, and just generally to have fun...but mostly at the expense of others. I regret this, but anything for a good laugh, they say. So long as it's not too extreme. Definitely the class I'll remember the most.

Pretty much this year went low (at the start of the year) to high to low (during O's) and back to high again. Fun times. Good to end the year on a high note.

I got bored. This post has been sitting on my browser for more than 4 hours, so I'll just end it like that. HERE'S YOUR POST. Eeeet it, liiiiick it, felllate it!

2008-12-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

Hi. Just felt like making nonsense post before going to sleep. It'll be pretty short though, depending on how much I feel like deviating from the original topic.

Here I go.

Ever wondered why I always have the same, 'SIAN!' face on? I'm sure everyone has, or they wouldn't ask me to smile more or ask why I'm so sian all the time. My emotions are simple enough I think. I don't really hide them, so what you see is what you get. When my face shows I'm bored, I'm definitely bored, and probably thinking of something far-fetched in my mind. Or some music is playing inside my head and I don't realise what face I'm making.

Basically I was at my dad's office and on his table were a few photos, of my sister and I, and my dad taking pictures at the office's Christmas tree. I never smiled in any of them. Lol. To be honest I never had any idea what face I was making in any of these photos...I just felt bored. You might think I'm some nihilist who's bored of everything and wants to commit suicide, I say NOOOOOO. There are things worth living for even if sometimes I get bored. Not bored of life...just, bored! I don't know how else to explain, and this might sound very confusing, but that's just how it is. I go around in circles.

And so...everyone fake-smiles in photos. Never was a fan of that, for...some...reason. I can't smile if I'm not happy, yet camwhores smile in pictures like reciting the alphabet. The English one, mind you. Sure I wonder how they do it. They act like 'eh smile more leh look less gloomy'. MAKE ME HAPPY LOR. Then sneakily take a pic of it. It'll look pretty stupid. That I can guarantee. Perhaps I was never meant to be captured as a smiling, happy person. Who the fuck is happy all the time? I might not be happy but I'm rarely sad. I don't know, I'm probably somewhere in the middle most of the time. Shit happens, urination happens, defecation happens, excretion happens...and we get through them eventually, none the worse for wear, but probably more relieved than before he started shitting. Believe me I've gone through that before. The shitting part may be EXCRUICIATING, but you feel so relieved afterwards it was probably worth it. And I have no idea what I'm talking about now.

I can't believe I typed all that out. Woe be unto you, silly person who was unfortunate enough to reach this part. Adios. Gotta sleep early today. No reason to stay up either.

2008-12-05T01:59:00.003+08:00

Album I'm Listening To While Typing Out This Retarded Post: Demon Kogure - Girls' Rock

The end justifies the means? Whatever happened to the process? Oh I'm being dumb and the means IS the process.

Okay the holidays are...lol. To think I was looking forward to them so much during the O's, that I pretty much slacked off towards the last few papers. Now I'm having the longest holiday ever. January, other people are going to school, I can still stay at home! Ahaha. Or I'd be doing jobs (blowjobs included *nods*), since everyone else has a job and it makes one feel all adult-like! Like WOW I HAS JOB I CAN MAKE MONEY CHA-CHING I CAN RAISE FAMILY I CAN BUY CAR I CAN HAS MISTRESS YAY! I'm probably getting carried away here.

On to today...it being Kwong's birthday we went out to...rejoice. With a NC16 movie and expensive lunch (for me anyway, I'm a poor man. No, don't mention my laptop please). Now you can finally watch NC16 movies legally! How agonizing the wait must have been, watching everyone turn 16 while you remained 15. It doesn't really matter since we were all born in the same year and that in effect means we all turn 16 on Jan 1st...a birthday's just a ceremonial thing. Still, people treat them very importantly. We all want something to shout about once in a year, that being the coming of our existence! And I'm getting carried away again.

Oh yeah what was I saying? Rejoicing. Yes. My funds were running low owing to my dad canceling my ATM card when I lost it. Now that I've gotten it back, that card is as useful as a Pokemon card: worthless. Maybe I'll leave it lying around somewhere and watch some poor sucker attempt to use the card, only to fail. Then I'll catch him in the act and make a big ruckus about ugly Singaporeans...YES! Write in to ST Forum, post pictures of the incriminating act on STOMP, THE WORKS! IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES. MUHAHAHAHAHA.

I deviated from my original topic. AGAIN. That's how most of my 'creative' thoughts come about: key words. 'Bored' is not a key word in my brain. In fact it does not stimulate my brain cells to think of anything. Please do not mention that word, or the word 'sian' on MSN or whatever, I can't do anything about that. Hell, talking about what you ate for lunch/dinner would generate more talk from me than saying 'I'M BAWWWWRED'. Yeah...you've been warned people. When I'm bored I spew random crap. I suggest you all do the same, for it works. See I've spent so much time not being bored just typing out this! About...15 minutes. Time that could be used for a good wank at www.fuckfoo.com or whereever, but instead I used that time to satisfy the masses. The masses being...you there, at the corner? Yeah, you. Fanny with no fanny. So fanny.

Errr so we watched Quarantine. Not much to say about it. First time I've watched a zombie movie at the cinema, I guess. The surround sound does make a difference, lol. But I don't watch these for the OMFG SCARY moments, since violence and gore in movies don't scare me one bit. Real life is a different thing altogether, but I won't talk about that today. I watch them for the lulz factor. Like when the cameraman stepped on the rabid rat, that was fucken hilarious. Years of being weaning on brutal death metal and gory crap have contributed to my stance on horror movies. Remember my name's Goremeister? LOL. Wanyee was like 'omg I hate these kind of movies'. She didn't know what she was getting into, while I only vaguely knew the storyline (errr someone with rabies? Wasn't expecting them to be zombie-like...). And the ending was half-assed. I won't spoil it here, but it's half-assed. Yes. All you can do is take my word for it, until you actually GROW THE BALLS to watch it. Oh and it's not scary. Not one bit. It's a movie. They aren't real. As long as I know something isn't real I won't get scared by it. Now, there are abominations that roam the earth, far worse than the ones spawned in movies. They might even be nearer to you than you think. Keep your eyes open (or closed if one is in your midst). They walk among us, the living. The dead ones pretending to have a life. As NYDC would say it...GET A LIFE LEWL.

A life I should get. Essentially my day (which stretches to the next morning) consists of playing dota and talking on MSN. Oh and the rare expedition to the outside world. Although I've found a job, but it's not what I'd call regular.

Well um I think I've run out of things to say for today. My blog's not dead! It'll never be dead. Even if it dies I can revive it. This blog will exist until the day the internet fails. Till then, I'll spew more random crap on here so check back like every few weeks or so. Rofl. Because that'll be the frequency with which I update. It's the holidays...wtf do you want me to blog about. I might start writing again but I haven't got much inspiration. Also I'm too lazy in the first place.

So much for not having anything to say. When the line is reaching its end I'll just keep drawing it! And now I'll stop that line. For now, anyway. I've rambled on long enough.

2008-11-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

Hai gais dis iz one dae overdue so I'll get to it nao. Wall of text crits you for 5k damage.

The 'adventure' began at 3pm, at Lavender MRT. Apparently the Toa Payoh gang had already reached there and it was shocking because if you know them like I do...they're never on time! Ahaha. Anyway, we (the 980 clan) ended up being late because of a blur rabbit who waited at the wrong end of the station...I'm lying about that but if I hadn't reminded him about where to wait he'd be blurly sitting at the opposite end. Anyway we reached Pasir Ris and decided to walk.

Fast-forward to when we got there...from the start I knew it was going to be one cramped-up affair. It was fucken hot too so I took off my shirt on the pretext of losing at cards <_< I also knew that we were going to be so rowdy, that people would inevitably complain. I was right.

Okay the first day was pretty boring so I'll skip through most of it. Just went to arcade and all. Then we rented bikes...it was rather silly, people were being chiongsters and shit and I couldn't have my leisure cycling, as usual. WE HAVE THE WHOLE NIGHT FFS, WHAT'S THE POINT OF RUSHING FROM POINT TO POINT AND GETTING ALL SWEATY AND TIRED AND WHATEVER ELSE <_< then I think we sat down to watch movie or smth. Anyway as I said it was boring so I'll skip that.

Actually my mind's pretty skewered at this point and I've forgotten most of what happened. We didn't do many activities and it was mostly...do-whatever-the-fuck-you-want there. The chalet was perpetually cramped so I spent most of my time either on the floor or outside, playing cards or staring at the TV (which doesn't really serve as great entertainment for me). Half the time I was there, I was playing cards.

Then I had to go and buy Red Bull. So I brought my wallet out...and ended up regretting it. Well, it's over now, and I'm not one to dwell on 'what ifs' since the past is past. If it's gone, then it's gone. But the manner with which I lost it could have been easily avoided.

Okay I got bored of writing about this crap. Let's just summarize now!

So it was the best, yet worst chalet I'd been in. It was a lot of fun, sure, but it was marred slightly by my wallet loss. But I is are happy-go-lucky, and I didn't spend all my time emo-ing, nor did I go home...can't believe how worse I'd feel if I went home and missed the fun. Playing Tunak Tunak Tun while cycling was fun. Playing on that...fuck knows what it's called thing and hitting my nose was relatively fun too. I don't really like spinny things. Having no money is no joke. Not bothering to buy anything for BBQ and relying on others to provide us chicken wings was funny too. Saving people from fits was...okay, that wasn't fun, but we actually found it out first, and AS A FIRST-AIDER...who am I kidding, I didn't do anything. Five hours of sleep over the three days was fun. The walk I had when I lost my wallet was pretty fun as well...before the wallet-losing that is. Learnt alot more stuff about that former vice-chairman of St John than I'd have bothered to care about, but it was interesting to say the least. Ratana is pure r-e-t-a-r-d, LOL! Owning him with consecutive royal flushes was funny as well. I hate humj i kias (COUGHWEIXIONGCOUGH) who don't do forfeits. COME ON LAH ASK FOR ZINGER AT MAC ALSO DOWAN. STILL SAY YOU CAN OWN ME AT DOTA LOL. Funniest shit I ever heard. ANOTHER HUMJI KIA DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP.

So just like that the three days came and went. Of course the space was a problem, but by the second night the amount of people left was sufficient for me to be able to get on the bed, for once. After I got down from my hour-long bus-ride I went to the police station, got my report and that was that. I don't believe the police can do anything, but my dad kept asking me to make one, so anything lor.

And this post somehow took an hour to make. I don't know, it wasn't the wall of text that I believed it would be.

2008-11-16T02:28:00.002+08:00

This blog might die periodically, but it'll always be revived! I'm a first-aider after all <_<

So yesterday I helped Ervin move his computer to his mum's house in Marsiling. Wow, $27 cab ride. Peak hour and all (it was at 6). Retarded cab fares. Thank fuck I didn't have to pay any of it. It's no wonder that taxi drivers are so rich. I could even fall asleep during the ride, it was that long.

Return journey was even longer. For some inane reason I decided to take the bus home. And it took an hour and a half, as expected. While on the bus I had LOTS of time to think. I thought about stuff I could write on here, but I forgot most of it, as usual <_< Initially I tried to sleep but...just didn't feel like it. So I sat there listening to Kalisia and it was like I was talking to myself inside my head. I managed to finish Cybion (70-plus minute song) while on the bus. I miss such bus-rides, really. But it'd have been better if the Woodlands library wasn't closed...I could have gotten a book to read.

Damn, I haven't read a novel in months. Exams and all. Even before then I wasn't really reading much since I buried myself in DotA at home. Now I have loads of free time, I can probably pick up one of those books I never finished reading...although I'm not so sure anymore where to look. I want comedic books. Not sappy romance novels that apparently forces me to grab the tissue box. NOT THESE.

And to whoever has been unfortunate enough to be the recipient of my rants on MSN (almost everyone I talk to LOL)...sorry. Ahaha. As you can see I get carried away way more often than anyone would like. Normally you'd probably ask, 'won't that mean you'll go out of point in your essays?' that's only happened a few times before in my life so I'm not that worried. But I can only write nice essays under exam conditions. Otherwise I'm too lazy to write one. And it's rare, inspiration...

Well...there are few things that manage to make me smile. Somehow, one of these things appeared today, in the form of a note. It was very sweet. Thanks. Haha. And I learnt that I'm sadly misunderstood, if I were to be judged on first appearances alone. 'Very quiet and somewhat fierce'? OH NOES. After reading that I'd really love to seek more opinions about people's impressions of me, when they just look at my face. Probably several 'fuckface!' ones, but who cares <_<

It's my blog, so I'm entitled to be self-centered on here! Ahaha.

Is this what you call a second chance? I think so.

2008-11-09T14:49:00.002+08:00

Three days until liberty. Ten until LOLSUPRIZE (for only one person <_<). Eleven until shaving expedition. No, not shaving my hair.

??? days until I get my new laptop. Ughhh.

...

I didn't really have anything to say. I just thought I should finally make a November post. November is lulz month! For no particular reason.

Damn my sister and her perpetual locking of computer. What's her problem anyway.

Spamming anime these past few days. Finished three seasons of Zero no Tsukaima. Started to watch Chaos;HEad. Any moar recommendations? <_< I'm unusually picky about this, I don't just watch ANYTHING. It needs to have humour before I'll like it. What to do, I'm bored. Can't play DotA at home since my laptop exploded and my sister refuses to loan me hers (even when she's not at home!)

So the only alternative is to go play LAN. But it's mostly a waste of time since everyone ends up leaving. Retarded. Other than that there's the rare inhouse, but there's always too many/too few people around, and the skill differences vary widely among the people I know, so there aren't always competitive games.

And diu my connection. Disconnects every 2 minutes. RETARDED. I WANT MY LAPTOP.

There's seemingly a way to reformat my laptop before it even reaches the Windows screen. I don't care that I'll lose all my songs, I've got most of them as backup on my mp3 players. And my sister's giving me hers when she buys her new one...not that I really need the extra space, but I'll at least be able to use my earpiece properly (with my mp3 player, only can hear one side). In effect my hearing will desert me faster. I'm not the sort to blast my music anyway...

Oh, I was talking about reformatting my computer. Kianwei's not the topic changing master; I am. LOL. Anyway, it shows a BSOD for a split second then eternally restarts. Never does get to the Windows screen. I had this problem before, but I forgot how I fixed it unfortunately...really shouldn't skip CHKDISK from now on. Or even turn off the computer from the switch. It does cause problems.

Going to the internet doesn't really solve my problem...I can't understand a shit they're saying. Oh wel

PS. I have nothing against people with special needs.

2008-10-31T22:35:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Okay. My mind was unusually chatty last night, so I could barely get any sleep. Saddening. And I'm still preparing to go for overnight LAN, as if my O's are already over. Rofl. I didn't take O's as seriously as I should have, I don't think. Before the actual thing I was fretting about this and that, but when it came to the actual 'phase', I was...um...playing Pokemon? LOL.

Anyway, I hope I don't come to regret this. Hope. Lol. What a strange word. In my opinion hope should be prefixed at all times with a 'false'. For the idiots out there, I'm saying hope equals false hope. Am I optimistic, or pessimistic? Do I think the glass is half-empty or half-full? Am I extroverted or introverted?

The answers to all these questions is: yes.

To all of them. No one is completely something, and I'm perhaps the best judge of that. One cannot be eternally optimistic. Nor is he always confident in front of a new group of people. Kind of funny, isn't it?

But to me, that's what makes people 'round'. No, I don't mean rotund. 'Round' characters in a novel or TV show means that he's not a one-dimensional character. And this tends to be a focal point for my essays: 'round' characters. I like building up characters, with a lot of...character! Haha. These make for fun essays, as opposed to 'flat', one-dimensional characters. Because I know such people don't exist in reality. There's an exception to everything.

Humans are like blobs - they have an undefined shape, they are not bound by a cell wall that gives them their regular shape (that's taken from the Bio paper I took today LOL). No one can be said to be 'square' (except Edmond, but as I said there are exceptions to everything), or any other shape. There's no definite answer to anything, except what is written in textbooks, and quite often that isn't the whole story.

What I'm trying to say here is...categorizing people is something that will never prove to be accurate. Due to genes and natural variation, no two people are completely alike. No one person can be fully predicted. No race can be truly described with just a few descriptive terms, there's always, someone different from the rest of the pack.

I am that person.

Or I'm thinking too highly of myself. As I said before, everyone is unique. Maybe we are all 'that' person, the one who's different. The truth is, we're all different!

Okay, wtf did I just type out? All this began with a single word: Hope. No wonder I'm always worrying about going out of point for my essays, even those single-worded titled ones. I go off on a tangent and deviate so much from my original point that I never really know when I began.

One wonders if that's a good thing. Maybe not during exams, but I hope (there's that word again!) you actually enjoyed reading this bullshit. Does it make for better reading than a good novel? I don't know, but I know I haven't read a novel in ages. Damn exams.

Speaking of which, I'm almost done with them! :D

Having run through a gauntlet of five papers in three days, I now know what it's like to sit for such grueling papers. Perhaps I have been in such a situation before, but I probably didn't realise it. O's are important. And one thing I learnt is that they aren't difficult. They are difficult, only if you do not study properly. As a few people might have figured out, studing 'properly' just means following the rubric. That's all there is to it. They aren't going to test you on something which is not in the rubric. They set entire papers based on it, so unless they really want to challenge you (which they aren't, let's be honest. Or the papers will be alot tougher), one shouldn't have too many problems.

That said, I feel the education system still has its flaws, but I at least now understand what they're going for. Except I don't need ten years to study. All I need is a month, apparently.

Rambled on too much. I need a coin.

2008-10-27T21:39:00.002+08:00

My laptop asploded on me. HDD crashed, due to me skipping Disk Check on startup way too often. And because I turn it off by pressing the 'off' switch, equivalent to pulling plug: it can destroy your computer. Well, it's destroyed now. Restart times infinity ftl.

So I won't be on MSN much, if at all. But I'll try to install Warcraft III on my sister's laptop (of course, without her knowing), so I MIGHT still be able to play DotA.

DONTE MISS ME.

Anyway, that means I'll definitely get a new laptop (yay), but as for when, I think it'll be after O's. Definitely after O's. Despite the financial crash I don't think my dad's affected too much by it (I think). AFAIK things haven't changed. So yeah.

All I want is an explanation. Lol.

2008-10-24T14:29:00.003+08:00

.S. My first post in 24 days...shall be a 'release' post. What is a 'release' post? It is where I unleash all the thoughts circulating in my head. I try to suppress them, but one, maybe two incidents may force me over the edge. It threatened to spill today, so I decided I had to...release. Before it blows out of proportion. Therefore, do not expect any coherence from this post. I blog whatever I think of. You do not need to comprehend.

So...maybe I sealed my fate from the start. I thought I had gotten rid of that bitter taste. In an attempt to seal myself away from the bitter taste, I coated it with sugar...which suddenly ALSO turned bitter. Initially I was mad with rage. Incoherent ramblings. Bitter incidents. But I tolerated. And delivered on my promises, while unfortunately I can't say the same for the other party. Sugar gone bad.

Tolerance has its limits. I do not know how high it really is, for it's rarely been tested. The last time I exploded, it was likened to a slap in the face. I wonder if you'd like a slap in the face too, judging by your actions. Maybe I misinterpret. Maybe I over-read. Maybe my inferences are unfounded untruths, like in the past. But there is no doubt about one thing.

The symptoms. EXACTLY THE SAME. Maybe not so severe...yet, but of all people. I could not imagine this sort of behaviour. Two months appears not long enough. Hell, eternity does not seem long enough. In compliance with your so-called 'orders', I kept quiet. Because otherwise you'd be SO SCARED. What, my words can kill? Or is it you have some voice-misinterpretator?

'Excuse me thank you thank you' can turn into 'FUCK OFF BITCH?' If it were anyone else I think they'd have done something insane by now. Badmouthed. Whatever. Some other bad things, maybe. I didn't do that...and I wonder why. Maybe I held out hope, against my better judgment. Maybe I took the wrong step. Afterall there was already a warning. Knowing full well of the likely consequences, just like Curious Cow...I went on. And perhaps I'm reaping the consequences now.

Come to think of it, I knew this would happen long ago. But...I just couldn't help it. And I thought somehow you'd understand. I don't think you ever understood, or you wouldn't act this way...maybe?

Too many maybes. The possibilities are endless. 'What if, what if...' USELESS QUESTION. I should stop asking useless questions like that. But the same sentence appears again - I. Just. Could. Not. Help. It.

I think I'm too nice. I also think I'm exceptionally stupid and foolish. Meaner and you cower. Nicer and I get the same result. Just what the fuck am I supposed to do? I sincerely wished that I wouldn't have to suffer the same fate as I did before - all that hatred, all that bitterness that eventually overloaded. A few months later and WTF, the same thing is happening again.

PLEASE TELL ME. Oh wait, you can't. Because you're SO SCARED. DO REMEMBER. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. IT IS NOT ONLY YOU, WHO IS ENTITLED TO FEELINGS. I'M PROBABLY EVEN MORE AFRAID. AFRAID, OF REJECTION. AFRAID, OF MAKING YOU AFRAID. Everything I did, all the bullshit I tolerated. IT HAS ITS LIMITS. AND I THINK I'M ABOUT TO BURST ALREADY.

But I shall grit my teeth. See how it goes. It might end ugly, but my mind only knows how to take its chances. I dearly hope these thoughts are also unfounded, and that I'm really thinking too much.

Well I think I feel better now.

P.S. This is not a threat. By no means is this a warning that I'll lunge in like a wolf. NO. They're thoughts that will never come to fruition, that's all. As I said...it's just a 'release'. No. Worries.

2008-10-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

furst of happi chewren dae n hari wat ya!!!1!1111!

todae wuz produktiv dae ii do pfesic paper den den i do bio paper den i do maths paper YAY

all while downloading (WHOOPS DID I SAY DOWNLOADING) and listening to music. and a few breaks, and a 2-hour nap. oh, and I found time to get a haircut. Good way to spend Children's Day yes? Hari Raya doesn't apply to me so I won't comment, but I liken it to Eat Pork Day. Do not correct me if I'm wrong kthx.

I 'got' 4 albums today w00t. But no one cares about that.

u no evridae i dink of dis n dat n i dink one dae i hve 2 doo eet soon bcuz no time liaoz but but i dunno whether i shud or not coin no halp meh i no idea whether wan head or tail so sian choices so difficult so easi 2 just not do but but i hear frm smewhre hor better 2 do smth n regret den nt do at all so i dink i shud do eet soon n i dink i dunno i tokin wad liaoz i go sleep bah

FOR THE LITERATE: Comtemplation. That's all I'll say, really. No point dwelling on stupid shit.

Ironically now the illiterate knows more than the literate. HOW'S THAT FOR IRONIES?

gg I'm out.

2008-09-25T22:08:00.002+08:00

This is a post, born of boredom. I shouldn't even be here, tbh. But what better way to waste my precious time. This is surely easier than facing my mountains of papers and struggling with them. I need serious help.

For all intents and purposes, I only feel two emotions most of the time, that of tiredness and OMGBOREDHAX. Of course there are other assorted emotions flying around at any given moment, but I'll leave them out because they aren't important.

...and while I was typing this random-ass post a fly was...flying around. It made the mistake of landing on the wall in front of me and with one BAM!, the fly was injured. I left it crawling around because I can't be arsed to kill it. Benevolence, people. Amithaba. I'm not as cold-blooded as you think (well, maybe sometimes) <_<

and wtf it just flew away again. I thought it was injured. Such is the tenacity of a mere fly, many times smaller than a human. And I've seen humans give up at the first attempt after stumbling over a hurdle. For shame.

Speaking of giving up, there are plenty of things I can't give up on. My studies, my laptop, my music, my...life. And then there are things I'd rather give up on but can't shake off. Go figure. It is an endless cycle of violence...whoops, sorry. That's a song title.

Okay, I'm bored of blogging now. LOL. I'll keep my laptop after today, so I probably won't be online for a while. Until temptation forces my hand again.

2008-09-16T21:17:00.005+08:00

QUIZ LOL.

1. The Person who tag you is
Jovi.

2. Your relationship with him/her?
Friend.

3. Your five impression of him/her?
Um...has a tendency to get 'high' extremely easily, DotA god (LOL), interesting guy? Because

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
Umm, not sure. Constantly reminding me of the time I scolded the elevator door? <_<

5.The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?
"人世间，情为何物？只叫人kaopehkaobu."

6. If he/she become your lover, you will?
FUCK NO.

7. If he/she became your lover, he/she has to improve on?
I don't even want to think that far.

8. If he/she became my enemy, you will?
Ehh, generally I don't have enemies, so if he ever became my enemy I wouldn't know what to do. But judging from his personality we'd quarrel alot, that's all.

9. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
No idea.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her is?
None.

11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
...interesting?

12. How you think people around you will feel you?
With their hands. GET IT? <_<

13. The characters you love of yourself are?
Grammar Nazi, bullcrap-spouter, being spontaneous.

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are?
Has a tendency to brood about problems a little too much. I need to change that.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
No, I'm happy being myself, and there's no one I'd rather be.

16. For people who care and like you, say something to them.
Yay! ^^v

17. Pass this quiz to 10 person.
You don't have to do this quiz if you don't want to. (I'll just randomly put some names in there for the sake of the following questions. As stated above, no one will be required to do the quiz, I'm not going to torture anyone with it.)
1) Jovi
2) Wanyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(eee)
3) Yuan Zhi lololol
4) Renyong
5) YY
6) Kwong
7) Kianwei
8) Junru
9) Basil
10) Kenny Tan Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

18. Who is no.6 having a relationship with
Um, nothing.

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
Male.

20. If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
Together with no. 2, they'll form a club. What club, I cannot mention here. :P

21. What is no. 2 studying about?
No clue. I think not studying anything. Lol.

22. When was the last time you had a chat?
16 minutes ago.

23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
Christian music? Hillsong United or some shit <_<>
24. Does no. 1 has any siblings?
Think not.

25. Will you woo no.3?
Yes!

26. How abt no.7?
Um, no.

27. Is no.4 Single?
Yes.

28. What is the surname of no.5?
Liu.

29.What's the hobby of no.10?
Doing Undertaker eyes. LOL. Okay, serious...reading manga. Otaku <_<

30. Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?
They don't know each other.

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
Balestier Hill Secondary School.

32. Talk something casually about no. 1.
Err, we can has game? <_<

33.Where does no.9 live at?
Rowell.

34. What colour does no. 4 like?
No idea. He doesn't seem to have any preference where that is concerned, although I can't be sure.

35. Are no.5 and no.1 best friend?
Sorta.

36. Does no.1 have any pets?
Err, no. I think.

37. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
RABBITS ARE SEXY YES.

END.

2008-09-14T01:23:00.002+08:00

This blog box looks so foreign suddenly. It's been a while, friend.

I've had the intention to blog for...the whole of today, but I've been busy watching GTO, and DotA, and going out, and for the past two weeks, EXAMS. Yes, that dreaded word. Part of the reason why I didn't blog for so long (and made some stupid 'going-on-hiatus' post) was because of STUPID exams. Examinations are supposedly meant to test what we have learnt over 4 years. I prefer to think that examinations only require a few months of hard work, and the rest of the school years are meant for what else...FUN!

Fun funny fun fun. Ooh, I'm digressing.

Back to exams. So yeah, the past two weeks have been slightly strenous. While I don't feel confident about doing well for any one of them (in fact I always wonder how many marks I'm going to lose. The estimation ends up being understated every time, from past experience), I think I've done okay. Better than mid-year, that's for sure. Maybe it was because I had so many distractions then, including THAT distraction...ah, let's not talk about that. In any case, I lost most of those distractions this time round. Probably for the better, but it makes me a sad panda.

For example, my emaths has never been better :D can't recall the last time I went into an emaths exam so confident. Having two of the best students in maths as friends and study buddies help too (Dom and Kwong :D) and for that I thank them. And my tuition teacher too, been a great help. Of course he's a great help, I actually pay him! And he watches Code Geass too, so that makes him 10x more awesome ahahahaha. And there's Mr Pang, my

Meanwhile, I wasn't having much hope for my Physics. I do hope I pass it this time round. Same for Bio. Currently my most uncertain subjects for passing...I'll fix it before O's, methinks. Huh.

SS was rather screwed up (forgot EVERYTHING about managing resources effectively), and for Lit I only did well for the set text question and went on a tangent about religion in the unseen prose. Not too sure how well that'd sit with the context of the question.

English? Ummm. I'm only not sure if I can get an A1. That's all.

BAH, enough about exams. It's only the prelims anyway. I wasn't even very serious. Well, maybe before the prelims I was very serious, motivated, etc., but during the prelims I was the opposite. Lol. You wouldn't believe what I was doing, going to LAN everyday after exams, reading Bio textbook while playing DotA/watching anime...funny thing was I didn't have to FORCE myself to go out and study. I could study pretty fine at home, although I still went out on weekends to study. Didn't do anything productive during those study sessions, but it was fun anyway.

Hmm, I don't feel like continuing. Maybe some other day. Tomorrow sounds interesting. You'd never notice I still have exams (although CME and Science Paper 1 barely count in the importance scale), the way I go about my business. I've still got O's to jump over :(

Bye.

2008-08-13T22:04:00.002+08:00

Okay.

Today's pretty much the last day I'll be on the comp, because I'm going to 'CHIONG AHHHHH!', quoted from the Art of Nelson. Chiong studies, to be exact. Final wake-up call happened today. I won't need any more, I'm fully awake. Awake enough, to make my last blog post in quite a while.

Going on hihihihihiatus. Although no one really cares. Well, just informing y'all.

So long, folks. All the best.

2008-08-11T02:00:00.002+08:00

Holy mother of fuckshit and all other things holy.

I...

Have...

Revived...

My...

Mp3 player.

Once deemed to be certified braindead, I, for some reason never threw it away. Perhaps I always held out the hope that it would be revived someday. Then today, I tried. And the Internet proved to be my friend, once again. Google, oh how I love thee. After searching for stuff for about an hour, I finally found the solution, ran the programs and the rest, as they say, is history. So ecstatic I was, at having revived it, that I forgot one thing about it.

Only one ear.

It's a niggling problem. But with some tweaking I can get it to work on both ears. Minor annoyance. Now it only means one thing...

I CAN HAS 2 GB HAX MP3 PLAYER YAY.

Perseverance can lead to miracles. I believe that now. I never gave up for a minute on the bloody thing, or I'd have thrown it away. All the while it was sitting on my table waiting for the day when it'd rise from the grave again, for my listening pleasure.

Rofl. I'm ecstatic. I'm going to stuff all the songs I have into it. NAO. :DDDD

2008-08-09T23:46:00.002+08:00

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh.

GUESS WHICH SONG? LOL. Hint: NOT METAL. AHAHA.

I can't believe I never mentioned Coheed and Cambria in my previous post. One of my favourite bands. And they aren't metal, although sometimes they cross the line into heavy metal.

Oh, um...went studying! At Toa Payoh. As always, Moe the hilarious. Finished some miscellaneous emaths papers, then went to slack for a bit, then met Wanyee at the interchange. Then Mengkit and Dom came and we went to Cityhall to meet the rest. Fucken congested, it was. Saw some other people there, I won't go into names, too lazy. As it is, I'm summarizing the day into so few lines. Practicing my summary! :D

So, everyone arrived, except Kenny who came later. And we set off, in the drizzle. Walked to some congested places, before finally stopping at the open space outside Marina Square. Saw air show, and later fireworks. Dom, Kwong and Kianwei missed the air show lololol. And we weren't with those three half the time, we split up. So I was with Wanyee, Renyong, Mengkit and Kenny. Usually I'd be off with those three stooges, but today was some kind of exception. 'Because it's national holiday', says Renyong. I took like 53 seconds of the fireworks (second wave, which just wasn't as nice as the first one, but it didn't occur to me to record the first wave for some inexplicable reason). My shoulder hurt like fuck from carrying my stupid bag all day. Walk and walk and walk we did. In the end, because I had stomachache I went home with Kianwei.

Amazing. I managed to summarize my day instead of writing some thesis like I usually do. Insignificant thoughts and happenings do not have to be typed <_<

Did I mention that 'inexplicable' is my favourite word of the moment? I'm getting more favourites by the day. I never used to have these, always been a neutral guy about pretty much anything. Hardly took sides. When it comes to sports, I only support Arsenal, and that's only because my dad influenced me. I don't like any particular country in soccer. If not for my dad I wouldn't even be watching soccer. No favourite DotA team/player either. You see? No 'most favourite' band, although Coheed and Cambria comes close. I don't like picking stuff to love/adore/obsess over, you see. Except girls, but that's a whole different story :P

There goes I, with my random rants.

Everything serves as a reminder.

And silence, also speaks a thousand words.

2008-08-02T21:43:00.002+08:00

Just felt like blogging, so here goes.

You know the actual title of my blog is actually 'A Life of Wishful Thinking'? Bet no one knows, because my blogskin changes it. I swear, I'm such a good prophet of my own life without even realising it.

No matter. It's the last thing on my mind right now.

Hmm, I just updated to say that crap?

Oh wow. Another album that screws up because it wasn't properly ripped. Fuck.

lol anyone wants to hear about my music? Although it's the most 'alternative' collection of albums you'll probably find from a 16-year-old Singaporean (it includes post-metal, not something that most people listen to, at all. I'm not just referring to metal in general, or even br00tal death), there's value to it, really. Most of my music has some melodic elements to it, you know. Of course, there's some death metal in it (3/4 of my music is like that), but it's all good. An acquired taste, I'd call it. So far I haven't gotten anyone I know to listen to this stuff, they all think I'm crazy. Therefore I have few friends who share my interest in music. But that's okay, there's Baeser, who'd gladly accept anything I send to him :P

You'll find that I'm really 'into' my music, if you sit around me while I'm listening. Drumming my pen, air-guitaring, even singing. I love music, and I can't live (for too long) without my mp3 player. I want to get a new one though, one that doesn't rely on AAA batteries. What a waste of money, batteries. Eventually I got a pair of rechargeable ones, but my charger spoilt -.- so I've not been using my mp3 player for a week. Still...it's lasted two years, and it's even 'exploded' once (in the DnT sense). But I repaired it with some scotch tape. Good as new ^^ I think I've had 5 different pairs of earphones.

In the absence of my mp3 player, though, I have my phone. A pity that I don't have a 2GB memory stick. Of course, it's run out of space. I have 3000-plus songs, and it's increasing day by day. I wish I could just get a 30GB mp3 player and put everything in. There's some stuff that I don't mind re-listening to, but I always forget. I'd rather 'stumble' upon it while shuffling my playlist. There's tons of shit in there from a myriad of different genres, because I find out about different bands almost everyday. One day I might post my playlist, although if one were to browse through it, he'd find few bands that he's seen before. Having collected music for quite a while (nearly 5 years), I've see the evolution of my music tastes go from nu-metal like Linkin Park and Slipknot, to fully-fledged metal (Roadrunner bands <_<), to brutal death, to post-metal and several other assorted genres in between.

2003-2004: Nu-metal, mostly wrestling-related because I watched wrestling back then. You know on PPVs they had a theme song? Yeah, I collected those.
2005-2006: A bit of death metal like Cannibal Corpse, but mostly bands from Roadrunner Records (Trivium, Slipknot, Chimaira, Ill Nino).
2007: Brutal death, along with lots of other stuff. But brutal death was my dominant genre last year, hence my name Goremeister.
2008: Way more varied than before. Too much stuff to list out here. But it finally includes some non-metal stuff (I was rather adverse to such stuff before) that makes people go WTF because of my 'HEAVY METALLLLLL' nature I portrayed in the past. Now people know that I also listen to J-pop (anime influence) and some oldies. Less brutal death than before, but it doesn't mean I don't like the stuff anymore, just that I'm not spamming it as much as I used to. More melodic stuff in return, and quite alot of post-metal/rock as well, I was crazy over it in Janaury/February thanks to Pelican.

As one grows older, his scope of influence increases exponentially. I used to be some sort of metal 'purist' in the past ('BAHHHH POP SUCKS') but that changed this year, I think. But that only applies to old-skool stuff. Modern pop music still sucks.

I always thought of being in a brutal death band (where I'd do vox because I can't play any sort of instrument) last year, but now I don't mind almost any sort of metal band because I can sing (as in really sing), finally. My voice finished breaking, rofl. Just ask Yuan Zhi about my cover of Almost (by Bowling For Soup LOL) back in Sec 2. I managed to screw that one completely, but I STILL sent it to him. And that remains as a reminder of how shite my voice was back then. It might still be shite now, but my voice doesn't crack anymore. Not much anyway.

However much my collection might increase in size, the base of it will always be death metal. There's a lot more value to it than you might think. Just because you don't understand what the person is singing, doesn't mean it's garbage. I for one am not too concerned about what they are singing/growling/screaming/gurgling/puking. Instrumentation is what matters most to me.

Hmm, I guess I've rambled on about music long enough. I can see the crowd falling asleep. So there, the exit's on the right. Thank you for your attention ^^

2008-07-28T21:53:00.003+08:00

it appears that I can't force anything any longer, no matter how much I'd like to try. I never really 'got' it, until now. Now I do. And I shall withdraw. There's nothing I can do now, but to leave this alone and let it decompose.

Happy birthday, in advance. I won't ever get to wish you this, either on the actual day or any day after, so I'll do it now. Don't expect to hear from me again.

A nice distraction you were, worked so well until it started replacing what I was trying to distract myself from in the first place, and for that I apologize. I apologize for whatever I did. I won't question anymore why you act in this way, because there's no point. It was only to sate my curiosity, but now...if I continue asking I'd just make things even worse (as if it wasn't worse enough already).

Fear is in the eyes of the beholder. I have no right to question this fear, even if it concerns me.

Goodbye. I'll always remember what a friend I had, and never remember what became of it, because that just brings up bad memories.

I can't smile without you, but I'm sure I'll find another way eventually *shrug*

Fuck, I'm such an emofag.

2008-07-26T16:00:00.003+08:00

Hmm. I've just come to a conclusion.

I shall...not torment teachers with my 'witty' remarks any long, not talk when there isn't a need to, not act retarded (because I'm not retarded), and well, I'm just going to keep quiet in class because there isn't a need to talk, really.

Hopefully this'll make me less 'weird' in the eyes of everybody. Normally I wouldn't care about how others perceive me, but...there isn't any point in acting retarded, is there? So there. Made a promise that I'll break sooner or later. Hell, it'll probably be forgotten by Monday.

And maybe, just maybe I can improve on my handwriting. I can't exactly write VERY neatly, but if I write slowly I can make it readable. Anyone who knows me (especially my teachers!) can attest to my horrid handwriting. I wonder if I'll ever have the time to write properly during exams. Part of the reason why I don't bother writing neatly is because I do Lit and SS, and there isn't time for me to write properly if I'm to have a hope of finishing them. Another part is well, I'm just plain lazy. I'll somehow try to change that too.

Maybe I can attempt smiling! LOL. Previous attempts to smile without meaning to, have failed. Time and again. So I won't embark on such a mission, because it's just impossible for me unless something funny happened. Or I can just think up funny stuff and I'd have a smile permanently on my face. The downside is that everyone will think I'm crazy. Ah well.

So what's the point of this post? To tell people that I'm going to start becoming 'normal'? It's going to be a difficult journey. The word 'normal' has never occurred to me before.

2008-07-25T23:12:00.002+08:00

I'm bored, so I'm going to type nonsense.

Yesterday was fun. lol. Got called up early in the morning for the gambling thing (NOT GAMBLING LOR, but can't argue out of it lah), what a honour. At least they didn't announce why we were being called out, so it was all good. Anyway, not much to be ashamed of.

Talktalktalktalk. In the end we were able to go back to class at 9-plus. After school see Koh again.

Rest of the lessons went by boringly. I can't believe there's such a word, boringly. It's not underlined in my spell-checker. THAT MEANS IT EXISTS.
So anyway, boring, until after school, when we received our verdict. No caning (I expected it), instead we'll do CWO, and go up on stage during morning assembly and do a speech! Fun. I volunteered. Speech-giving is fun.

And thereafter we slacked until night study time. For a while at school, playing soccer (Dom sprained his ankle. Sadded...), then at Toa Payoh, while waiting for Dom. Did some misc. stuff during night study, and then...

lol. This incident I'm going to tell you, was once deemed as 'impossible'. Not only by me, but by the general consensus. Simply put, the possibility of it to happen was thought to be zero. The fact that something like this can happen means miracles are at foot :O

Okay, I think two miracles happened.

One: I said bye to xh. In four years I've done this twice. The other time she didn't do anything. And this time it seemed like she wasn't going to do anything either, until I convinced her otherwise.

And so we come to our second miracle: she responded.

Yeah I felt it worth blogging about because hardly anyone knows about it. And I feel like telling the whole world because miracles like these don't happen often. I might sound like a loser right now but anyone who knows me would know how important this shit is, to me anyway.

Aiyah tbh I think she doesn't hated me in the first place. I just need to open my mouth, as Felicia said some time ago. But I'm not getting my hopes up, obviously. She has Wallace :P

Then after her came someone who resembled a char siew bao. Char siew bao is mute, so I didn't say anything.

Girls = Aliens. Likewise for buns, I don't get how they think.

2008-07-19T12:39:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You like to play like that, huh? NO PROBLEM. TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME.

BYEBYE. YOU CEASED TO EXIST AS OF 19 JULY 2008.

GOODLUCK, HAVE FUN, THANK YOU COME AGAIN!

2008-07-18T22:37:00.002+08:00

I can put a million and one quotes. But who cares? I can write a thousand-word essay on just why, as Mrs Wong puts it, 'I haven't been smiling for the past few days'. Does anyone really give a shit?

Sure...there's some respite from being with friends. When I'm alone...oh, it's a different story. Obviously I don't slit my wrist, that's just idiotic and doesn't serve to help me at all. Nonetheless...I have to release all this frustration somewhere.

So I channel it to what I happen to do best: writing. It doesn't matter that no one sees anything that I write. Call it a 'release'. Like how certain people have to release their pain through cutting their wrist (again, it is idiotic and I don't recommend it at all), I have to find an outlet to channel my frustrations. Well, there are a pathetic few people I can actually tell, and telling people doesn't help me because it doesn't change anything. That and they'll just tell me more negative stuff, which is just what I don't need.

The green-eyed monster is threatening to take over. Fuck.

Therapy, you can call it. But really, it doesn't do THAT much for me. I just do it out of boredom. I wish I weren't so bored. I want to submerge myself in things to do, play, work (more of work obviously), basically anything that distracts me from reality. It includes sleeping, although I hate it when I'm just lying in bed unable to get to sleep.

WHO READS THIS CRAP ANYWAY? Why do I even bother...

Oh yeah. I haven't got anything to do. That's why. stml.

Now for a million dumb quotes that I thought up.

'As quickly as you entered, you left, leaving a gaping hole.'
'The rain is pouring, everyone has an umbrella, but where's mine? I haven't got one. I'm left to stand alone in the rain.'
'In my dictionary, hope equals false hope.'

Okay so I don't feel like going on further. You get the idea. I'm downright emo. And telling me 'don't let it affect you' won't help me because...it's plain simple, it DOES affect me. I can only stare and watch helplessly. Nothing is within my control now.

Do I need counseling? LOL. The matter is simple but I choose to blow it beyond all proportions inside my head. It's my own problem. I'd try to prevent it, but obviously I can't help it.

And let's play the waiting game, again again again again again!

2008-07-15T22:09:00.002+08:00

HAI THAR.

LOL. Everyone must be wondering what happened to this. A...*shock horror* DIARY has replaced my blog. YES I AM GOING OLD-SKOOL. For all intents and purposes I'll keep this blog dead, but feel free to come tag if you want. Getting a little dusty, you know. And get rid of that incriminating tag for me pl0x. Ahahaha.

Dunno why lah. Suddenly in a good mood, when I've spent the entire day brooding and being emo and all that crap that I shouldn't be associated with.

And no, none of you will read my 'diary'. I won't even tell you its appearance.

Maybe dead isn't the word. More like, dormant. So thar, check everyday in case I feel like talking cock on my blog again. SHAMELESS ADVERTISING, DESHO, DESHO?

Hurhurhur. Bye now.

2008-07-09T20:34:00.003+08:00

Nice boat. I have an unhealthy obsession with it, or rather the words 'nice boat'. Fuck knows why.

You know how funny coincidences can be? Today, I opened my cupboard and found that my two uniforms were not ironed. I thought 'fuck it' and put on the less creased one, although it was still...rather creased, but can't be blamed. Fuck knows what my mum was doing last night. At this rate I'll have to learn to iron my own clothes, which is necessary anyway <_< About what the coincidence was, someone else forgot to iron her blouse <_< so creased lah rofl.

So I went to school. Saw Kianwei waiting for 145, again (this time it was because he happened to wake up at the same time as I did, 6:30, and missed 980, again. Told you 145 had more consistent timings.), but hiding in a corner. It was raining, and the bus-stop didn't have its lights on, so I didn't see him. He saw Andrew and they started doing rofl stuff. Same pattern de lor. They point middle fingers at each other, at the same time. Funny shit.

Then as we were about to go up by the back gate Kwong called us. 'Eh, go front gate 7-11, gogogogogo!' all while I was saying 'kkkkkkkkkkkk'. In the end we reached class at 7:25. Not late, yay. Bought teh ping, and all it did was keep my eyes open, while my body felt like it was dying. Fatigue. Ms Tan rounded up all the guys who skipped ERP yesterday outside the class. Ended up Mrs Ang and Mrs Raj came too, how nice. Three adults yelling at us stuff we already know. I knew my mum wouldn't pick up the phone, since she was sleeping, so I didn't get into any more trouble.

Felt like shit for the first three periods, all while having a cough (spread by Renyong, that bastard <_<), then well, not much to say for the rest of the day. After school wasn't much either. We played card games. There was this game I hadn't played in forever, Heart Attack, and another one that I'd never played in my entire life (although I've played Mafia games before), uhh, Murderer. Emotionless freaks like me excel at this. Kills while barely winking. Rofl. And, well that's all I have to say about today.

On to other stuff: I'm way behind schedule for my timetable. I'll rectify that this weekend. Studying with Moe, LOL. The shit we did last year on the pretext of studying was...well, it warranted us doing it again this year, bwahahaha. Only the two of us though, gaying. Should I find girls to study with instead? <_< but then everyone will say we're 'pak tuo-ing' <_<

One of my pet peeves is, well, having people spelling my name wrongly. Look to your right. --->

It says my name is Jonathan. Not Johnathan or Jonathon or god forbid, Johnathon. Call me Jon or even Jonny if you want (Johnny is not on the approved list), just don't spell my name LIKE THAT. I actually got Mrs Wong to change the name on the pens she gave (it spelt Jonathon). You might think I'm making a big fuss, but that's just me. I don't blame Mrs Wong either. I could have just lived with it, but tbh I can't. Again, that's just me. I'm not John, I'm Jon. GOT THAT? <_< ok I've driven it down everyone's throats enough.

2008-07-06T23:03:00.002+08:00

HAI YEW LIEK BUTTSECKS?

Forgot to mention in previous posts, I finally know how to enable my various music plug-ins (last.fm, Windows Live), so now not only can you see what stupid song I'm listening to on MSN, you can also see them on last.fm!

http://www.last.fm/user/ZeroDamageTCP/

ehehe. It's old, very old. Because I thought it wasn't working for at least 4 months. I should clear the history, really.

Finally, finally, cleared up everything. And I feel great. Great beyond measure. The awkwardness that existed in me has all but disappeared. It's better than any other option, to be honest. And that's all I'll say on this matter. Now for my brain to go into time-reverse mode.

Erasing May-July memories.

Err, maybe don't need so drastic. I can keep these memories, lol. But I'll have to remember that they really count for nothing =/

Oh, and about today: I (or rather, Kwong and I) picked up $6! Rather than search for its rightful owner as a good citizen would do, we spent it on milk and cookies! Rofl. Third time I've found money on the floor, pity it's always been with friends, hehe. I'm always the first one to spot it lor.

The rest of the day wasn't much to talk about, whiled Youth Day away doing meaningless things. Saddening that moar people couldn't come out. COME ON IT'S YOUTH DAY. I even scheduled my tuition to tomorrow just so I could come out, but it wasn't really worth it in the end. Meh. Chiong study day tomorrow instead. And it's how I'll spend my public holiday *sniff*

I chose Tuesday and Thursday for Night Study program...since I can't possibly go on all three days, I had to choose two. I don't like Mondays and I always feel the most tired on Mondays, so Tuesday and Thursday it will be. Besides, they're ERP days, so I can just stay in school all the way or smth. And I don't need help for English.

CHIONG AH.

Ehehe. Bye.

2008-07-04T21:48:00.003+08:00

Oops, been slacking these past two days. MSN still proved to be too big a distraction yesterday. And the bad thing is, tonight doesn't feel like a Friday night at all! There's a weird feeling tonight. I was being bugged by certain problems from yesterday to today, too...is it good to be insane? Is it bad? Bad for my studies, certainly. I wish I could just ignore everything. Unfortunately I have the attention span of three seconds, except when reading.

I am lost within the throes of what I deem to be insanity.

THAT word is forbidden here. Because I don't know if I should be using it. What is it, really?

I have to go back to studying. On a Friday night. I feel guilty for mostly neglecting my revision for the past two days. At least I haven't been playing DotA :P

A mental note to myself: don't think so much lah!

German bands are the shit, heh heh.

Let me go forage for answers, now...the key that opens the lock. And do work too, if it's convenient. <_<

2008-07-01T22:23:00.003+08:00

This blog is not dead! lol. I just had writer's block.

Short post, since I should resume my studying.

I FINALLY have the drive to study. Even after playing, I'd still study. Better yet, I do it before playing. I shall conquer these godforsaken subjects and prove every motherfucking doubter wrong (like all the teachers who taught me in Sec 1-2?)

Except POA. I think I might need a tutor LOL. That subject is one that I simply can't get by doing on my own. If I want distinction, that is.

I'm studying...Cells. Yeah. How silly. But every topic counts.

Right, that's all. Tomorrow looks interesting for once, so I better be awake for it.

2008-06-26T20:36:00.003+08:00

lolol. I was supposed to update yesterday, but my wireless adapter was cracking up. And I don't intend to continue with that post I did halfway on Tuesday; it'll never see the light of day. Maybe I'll add on to that post with weird shit and post it a year from now so it won't ever appear on the front page. Sounds fun. I'll, of course, forget.

Damn, lol. I've never liked studying at home. Tuition is okay, but if someone isn't breathing down my neck when I'm studying, I get bored, especially when I encounter a question that I don't know how to do. Sad, innit? I'll have to rectify this problem.

I had more stuff to say on Tuesday. I don't have anything to say today. Wait, well...tomorrow's Splendours. That's one weird, pseudo-classy, nonsensical name the school came up with. Does anyone even know what it means? No, as long as it sounds foreign, it's all 'good' and 'classy' and 'artsy'. INDEEEEED.

Staring off into space.

Melancholy.

Bemusement.

A smile creeps up on my face just from watching. I can't help it.

Oh. Let it down. It's nicer that way, IMO ;)

2008-06-19T23:20:00.002+08:00

Okay so I didn't really think of posting anything before, even though there was plenty of stuff to say (3 days' worth, even). Bah, I'm lazy and cba and all that. I'll just talk about my 'camp' at school.

Hmm, where shall I begin. It was 3 years ago, and I happened to walk in on my parents having sex.

Wait. Wrong story.

Okay, after the second day of the motivational workshop thingy (WHICH I DIDN'T PAY FOR), we had dinner. Well, there were 9 of us. I won't bother listing out all 9 names since that isn't wholly necessary. Now you're going to think, 9 people, how are we all going to stay away from sight? I guess we managed it in the end...

Right. After dinner we went back to school, it was about 8 then. Then Miss Mai had to catch me. For some weird reason she was standing at the staff room with Mrs Wong talking. And I was going up to the third floor when they saw me. What luck. So she told me to go home and shit. We went back out of the school to regroup, since if we stayed any longer we'd really have to go home. So we went to Novena and...planned. In the end we wouldn't really follow the plan (if there was one in the first place, all we did was draw a map of the school and had almost everywhere crossed out). We go by INTUITION! Yeah so anyway we went to LAN after that, since we decided we'd sneak into the school at midnight when people were less likely to be awake.

Played LAN...well it wasn't much to write home about. Baldric and I just made noise, Wallace decided that since 'his precious' had gone to sleep, he had to find something else to do, because he doesn't play DotA. Namely bothering me and typing stupid stuff using my computer. Kwong retaliated to a comment about him, which is so hilarious I don't know if I should even reproduce it here. Ahh, whatever.

"go lick XH's arm hair la"

Fucking hell I rofl'ed like mad. It became a running joke whenever we wanted to suan Wallace or whatever. We even had a song, sung to that shitty Don't Cha song...

"Don't you wish your arm was as hairless as mine?"

Three guesses as to who it's referring to, and who it should be sung to. The first two don't count.
No hard feelings, yeah, Wallace?

SO ANYWAY...after LAN, we walked back to school, saw two guys running in Novena direction. Joggers, btw. We would see them later at 2am. Crazy fuckers. We sneaked in, and went to the underpass connecting the field and basketball court. There we waited, while Dom, Baldric and Wallace went first. Had a piss at the field, lol. To be exact, the drain. So anyway the canteen route was out since supposedly there were ex-Band seniors there. So we went by the 'behind DnT workshops' route. There were supposedly CCTVs there, but they were on the Ministry of Home Affairs side so...I dunno. The police didn't come so I suppose we were safe?

We went up to the fourth floor and sat around for a while deciding what to do next. There was quite a lot of people outside the classrooms, so it was decided we wouldn't go anywhere near the classrooms. Then 5 of us went to 7-Eleven. The rest did fuck-knows-what, but they came down eventually. We walked around Balestier for a while, ate at the 24-hour foodcourt there, then walked back. We all looked like zombies, especially Kenny. Kenny Tan. S.A Tan. The Undertaker was among us for a few seconds, every 5 minutes. I still have no idea why he does that when he's tired, but 'it's damn scary' [/victoria] <_<

We actually tried getting him to kick the habit, but it worked for all of 30 seconds. We slacked at the coffeeshop table for a bit, since we could actually talk openly there, as opposed to going back to school where we had to be silent, and we're certainly not a silent lot, and WE SHALL NOT BE SILENCED! Yeah...after a while we went back because some people were half-dead and needed their beauty sleep (for S.A. Tan it was beast sleep, but don't tell him that okay? XD)

Nothing much happened after that. We slept at the 4th floor (where the Art rooms were), half-naked. Literally no one goes there, so we were safe. I just laid there and listened to music. Couldn't sleep. Fuck knows why. Must have been the copious amounts of milk tea and the uncomfortability of the floor. At 6:30 we all woke up and went to the Mac table, acting as if we had actually reached there at 7am so as not to be late, instead of saying we'd stayed in school the entire night. That'd be stupid, and dumb.

And I don't think I need to go into any more detail because I cba...yeah you guessed it!

Okay bye.

2008-06-14T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hi! The theme for this blog post is...well, I didn't think it up. Basil just gave it to me. So okay lor.

"What would you do if the world ended 6hours later, which is...3am in the morning"

I'm supposed to think this is 9pm, so yeah.

First off I'd go buy a bag of chips. Ruffles. Texas BBQ flavoured, if you want me to go into specifics. And some Pepsi. Because it's essentially my favourite food and drink. I'd go get a medical report, see whether I still have a hole in the heart (as if it matters when I'm about to die, but I'd want to make sure anyway).

Then I'd go find xh. Yeah, xh. I'd have to see this person who made my life miserable for three years. And give her the finger. That's all I'd do with her, really. Maybe fuck her if I felt like it. Don't take me seriously, now.

Then...um. I don't feel like saying this next part. But if I really was going to die, I'd do it. Because there's just no better time to do such stuff. I'll leave it out though. If you really want to know then msn me or smth.

I wouldn't even say bye to my parents. Somehow I don't feel much of an attachment to them in terms of emotions. Maybe some of my friends. I'd be WAY more bored if I didn't have friends. I'm certainly not the reclusive sort who enjoys tranquility alone, blah blah blah. Even when I'm alone at home I still wish that people would just talk to me on MSN, sms, whatever. So friends are important. And I'd show my appreciation to them.

Hmm...since I don't subscribe to any sort of death theory I'd be pretty reluctant to leave. I feel that I have so much stuff to do, but what stuff, I can't think of any. Which means I just expect to sail through life, taking on whatever challenges that arises. And lead a happy one of course.

If you ask me I still wouldn't ask for more time to live, even if there was that option. 6 hours means 6 hours. Since that's not a lot of time to get out of the country (no particular country I want to visit anyway), I'd just stick around. Lie down somewhere under the sky and eat. No particular place I want to lie. Maybe even on the road LOL.

Then an hour before the moment I'd just go to sleep. I'd like to leave in peace, yeah.

Okay, that wasn't so interesting. Maybe I need to put in more thought.