Ninja.

Infinity! I don't know why, but I just like the word, the sound of it, and its symbol: ∞. And also its concept. Just so happens that a song I really like is -∞-DRIVE by KOTOKO...err I don't think I've talked about KOTOKO much here. She's just another one of those J-pop singers I started liking by listening to anime openings/endings, and it so happens than she and Mami Kawada are closely connected (they're with the same production company I've, they do opening/ending songs for the same anime sometimes, and they graduated from the same vocal school. Lol.), so whoever likes one will probably like the other, though their music is different in some ways. I won't go into them because I'm lazy like that (why else do you think this blog wasn't updated in 2 weeks?).

Anywayyyyyyy, I'm only blogging because tomorrow I need to go to school. No, not for CCA but to STUDY. Yeah holidays are over and it's kind of a bummer, though seven weeks of doing nothing productive has run its course. I've found a new passion though - guitaring! I'm not exactly sure why I chose to learn the guitar instead of something that hardly anyone learns, like the bass. Maybe it was because I didn't need to actually buy a guitar. I was lucky that YY had a guitar that he wasn't using anymore, so he gave it to me! Really convenient too. The amp and stuff like that was also settled. Now of course I'm still a nub, but I'm working on it. EVENTUALLY, I'll be able to do great things. Form a one-man band, maybe. I could also pick up drums (at any rate it seems easier than guitar, though it's also difficult to master) and stay at home in my mum's basement and make music all day. I'd be fucken broke if I did that. You can't earn money with music unless it's tailored to the masses. And the music I make...well I dunno if I want to pander to the masses or not. It's a see first thing. Making decisions for the future isn't really my style, I'm really a 'take things as they come' guy. And since I can't predict what'll happen tomorrow, let alone five or ten years or now, I'll just...take things as they come! LOL.

Suddenly lost motivation to continue writing. I left a lot of stuff hanging but that's again, my style and not your style, that's why it's called my style and not your style. LOL.

Just two weeks or so until holidays end...on one hand it's pretty dreary to get out of the lifestyle I currently lead (stay up until 5-7am, wake up at 3-4pm everyday), on the other hand I guess I should get back to leading a student's life soon or else I'll become even lazier.

There's SCC chalet but I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay there, because on the 10th and 11 I have events (my dad's birthday and an outing at East Coast Park respectively), but I guess I'll definitely turn up on the 9th. Then the 7th (which is tomorrow) there's SCC activity. For some reason I always find it pretty fun to go there every week. The people there are nice and friendly though I'm not very close to them yet, only with a select group of people. And they're about as crazy as me, you should have heard some of their ideas...doing voluntary work at IMH seems right up my alley, as is theirs, ahaha. The end result of composing a song is not extremely important in my view, it's the process which makes it fun! Performing is starting to become easier as I do it more often, though as someone pointed out, I make a 'sian' face whenever I'm out at the front. It's merely me trying to concentrate, ahaha. Though I'm not sure what'll happen if I sing again.

Now, I really enjoy singing, but I know (and everyone else can attest to this) that my singing isn't anything to crow about. In fact, it probably really sucks. But it's funny how it doesn't discourage myself from singing, one bit. Singing is fun! I'd love to learn to play some instruments though, specifically the guitar and drums. Maybe bass? I don't know, but I know I probably will never be able to play the piano/keyboard properly, though it's my favourite instrument to listen to. I think I've mentioned before; I'm a sucker for female vocals and piano together. I don't know how I somehow cultivated this interest in female vocals. Even while I was mostly a metalhead a year or so back, I especially loved bands which incorporated female vocals (and not those operatic ones), stuff like The Project Hate and Deadlock. Soon it spread to J-pop and even K-pop (to a slight extent; Gee is still on heavy rotation though I don't like their other single as much).

Simply put? Music is my life! =D Not one day goes by where I don't listen to music voluntarily. I even put on music during class sometimes, although I stopped doing it so often when I realised I had to pay full attention during classes if I wanted to pass, and not watch replays or mindlessly surfing the net or talking on MSN. Yeah, I'll at least try to pay attention in class for next sem. That's probably a resolution I'll break within the first day of school, so don't take what I say so seriously =x

Can't write any lyrics. I did think of some, but I don't think I'd be able to make them flow coherently in a song. It's funny how I really love writing prose (haven't written any in ages!), yet for poems and songs (songs are also poetic in nature, but accompanied with music) I can't seem to write anything. I'm just good at following along with people while they sing, for some reason. Hmm.

Well, if anyone has any comments feel free to leave them. I don't care if you're anonymous, as long as your comment makes sense. Don't be a stalker and leave after reading without leaving any comment <_<

The Stars, the Moon and the Wind

Just woke up from a nap (11pm to 1am is definitely a nap no matter how you look at it) and my neck feels kind of sore...regardless I'll probably be up for a while then go back to sleep when there's nothing to do.

Now I'm just filling the time with this post. The recent chalet I just came back from was...how to say, rather eventful. There was lots and lots of cam-whoring (instigated by Wallace most of the time), an insane grueling bike ride from Pasir Ris to East Coast and then back to Pasir Ris (and for me a detour to Loyang that made me realise that I should never attempt to take short cuts; it just goes against what a 'short-cut' represents to me. I'd much rather take the long cut like I always seem to do whether consciously or not!), a game that really had me laughing my arse off, the drinking games, and the conversations that followed.

Of course, whatever happened at the chalet stays there. Only way you're going to know what occured would be to check the pics or something, yeah <_<

And...I'll just go into a bit more detail of the stuff, since I feel like it. How rare.

Okay the night cycling...we set off from Pasir Ris Park at about 12:15 or so. I can't remember every single detail of the ride, but we ended up at East Coast at around 4. To anyone who thinks that the distance from East Coast to Pasir Ris is 'short', think again. And I'd recommend you try it on bike. We pretty much took the park connector (PCM) route. Like omg the Mac at Downtown East sucks, so we went to East Coast for our Mac fix. Roflmao.

Here's me going Lone Wolf mode. zOMG.

And it so happened that while I was on one of my 'Lone Wolf' modes, I made a horrible decision. After a terrible climb up a slope at the intersection between Tampines and Pasir Ris, I lost everyone in front and back. I was the only one I could see for quite a while, so I wasn't exactly sure of the route to take. Eventually I saw a route that turned right into some ulu-ulu place. Somehow I thought it'd be a shortcut and after 7 hours of riding a bike, who wouldn't want a shortcut? Until now I don't know why I didn't just go straight; as I found out later, going straight would have taken me back to the chalet within 5-10 mins! But noo, I had to be a retard and get lost around some industrial place, circling around because I couldn't find the path that I came in from. Eventually though I found the PCM for Loyang through following a bus' route and took a loooong cut back to the track that I was on before I turned in. Long cuts still work best for me! And so I reached the chalet at 7:30am, about half an hour later than everyone else. Cool.

After that nothing much of incident occured for the rest of the day. There wasn't any space to sleep, so we (whoever was still awake) waited for 10am to return the bikes. I was so tired that the bike kept wobbling when I rode it back the short distance. Then...came night, since we were just slacking around the whole afternoon. More slacking ensued, except it was mostly done outside since there was food. I don't recall doing much then, and I didn't eat much either.

Then there was the 'Truth Game'. Essentially everyone just wrote down a question they wanted to ask, to everyone else present. This was done with the aid of small pieces of paper. While the concept was rather alright, the execution...I wouldn't say it was badly done, but it was plain that most of us didn't have many questions to ask the rest. Or rather we couldn't think of many questions. Take me for example, I didn't have a serious question to ask to anyone, somehow. So for half of them I asked some very retarded questions (like 'Why is the sky blue?' and 'Why is the earth round?'.) and the other half, I left the papers blank. It seemed to rub some people the wrong way, always picking up blank pieces of paper, but I think it beat having to write something even lamer. Still, there were several questions the rest came up with that made me laugh, and also some terribly personal ones...but whatever came my way I just answered. They won't be discussed here because...what happened there stays there.

Then we just drank all through the night. Obviously I didn't dare to drink too much or drink any pure shots, as the memory of Christmas Day last year still lingered (if you didn't know, I got drunk and was sent to hospital. Nothing serious though, but it was enough to make me not want to go through that again). Still, I had my fair share of drinks. Thank fuck it wasn't enough to make me drunk. Unfortunately the drinks claimed a casualty in Mengkit.

 

And that was the result. As Wanyee put it...'SCREW THIS PHOTO. SERIOUSLY. EWWWWWWWWWWW.' It was apparently a combination of tons of food and the liquor (also shown in the picture). I'm still not sure why people even drink so much alcohol. It certainly doesn't taste very nice and in some cases the taste was so strong that...it just sucked. Red wine's an example of this. Gawd, it just sucks. It sucks so much that I had to say it thrice. 

 

And then after the chalet was officially over, we decided to go back to secondary school, like 'wtf so random, but steady lah', we thought. We ended up doing little there, but I got to eat alot of free pizza. I prefer much cheesier ones, but this chilli-filled one wasn't too bad.  

 

I guess this ends the post, since there's little else I could say. However, the chalet opened my mind to something very horrifying and and worrying. I don't know quite how to explain it, but it has alot to do with my introverted nature. I don't seem very introverted, but it really shows when I'm talking to strangers and even some people I know. Sometimes I'm just too afraid to ask questions or talk to certain people, which is why I don't talk a lot on MSN. Somebody told me that if I could just break this 'barrier', I would come off it as a hell lot of a better person. And I think I agree with him. Of course such stuff that has already been ingrained in my personality for so long will be hard to erase, but I can say that I'm trying...

 

Which is why I have a blog. Usually I post thoughts that I just can't seem to share with anyone through a normal conversation, so I 'talk' to myself, by blogging. I also found that people don't really take me very seriously...I can see in a lot of people that they wouldn't trust me to be able to listen to their problems. I don't know how to convince them that I'm a lot more trustworthy than I seem. When it comes down to it, I know how to have fun and I know when it is time to be serious and listen to problems without making any wisecracks. Okay so I can't help very much, but I know for sure that telling someone else your problems is almost therapeutic, which is why we have psychologists and stuff like that. Like Wallace told me, I'd probably do pretty well in his course, the only thing that's stopping me is my 'pathetic' L1B4. I believe I'm a decent listener and people have told me as much, though I have to think a while before formulating any constructive reply. 

By nature I don't like to see people suffer in silence. Yet I'm pretty much unable to ask them 'what's wrong?'. I leave it up to people if they want to share their problems or not. And everyone knows I'm no gossip, or at least I don't run around sharing secrets about others. 

Maybe it's a matter of changing my entire personality to becoming someone who can be taken seriously, though it wouldn't be any fun for me...I revel in making people laugh and I really think that without this aspect, my life would become even more boring and lifeless. But it is this personality I have that is somehow alienating everyone else from me on a core level. I built up this facade that I am a 'heavy metal retard who likes porn' to counter my introvertedness but I see now that it wasn't the best move to make. I'm still not open enough to the right group of people. I used to think that it was becuase people simply didn't care about my problems, so I didn't bother with them. Which was why even if I had a problem, I wouldn't voice it out, which really made me think while I was attempting to fall asleep after the drinking, that I really needed someone who would listen to me. Currently I haven't got such a person. And to be honest this thought always makes me tear up, though never to the point of crying. Loneliness it might be.This air of detachment to the rest of the world is really something I don't like at all. 

Everyone has their problems, be it family problems or more personal ones. On the surface I don't look like I have any family problems, but in truth I never talk to my parents about anything. There's little to no bond between us, and it's almost like I'm a guest staying at a hotel everyday, except I'm not paying for a single thing. I never paid much thought to this, and I'm rather reluctant to talk to them too. I really wish my mum would stop smoking but I can't voice it out. My parents aren't fighting now but one day they may start fighting again and I never want to see that day come. 

On a more personal level...I just can't say it here, although if anyone wants to listen they can just talk to me and I'll spill everything immediately.

Random Post #277

As the title states, it's apparently my 277th post, not including several more, unrecoverable drafts I deleted, because drafts are just that; they weren't the finished material. I imagine I could have gleamed some interesting stuff from the numerous drafts I made, but I hate publishing unfinished work (unless it's homework). Every post you see is finalized. Yay.

Soo um, nothing much happened these few days but I just got my hair coloured and shit. Good thing is my mum's eyesight is rather pitiable so she didn't notice it. Bad thing is...I don't think there's any yet. Oh, I look like Mengkit from the back! That would probably have been bad a year or so ago, but now he's a good, mature gai with a girlfriend. Though he's still as 'jiao' as before. Some people never change.

And indeed...change. My appearance changes every so often right after my haircuts, and not for the better too. Been going to too many shitty hair salons. Also, secondary school ruined whatever nice haircut I could have had. Now that I'm in poly I can 'express' thyself and shit like that. Yes, I use shit the same way others would use the word 'stuff'. Guess I'm just real vulgar. And I don't attempt to hide it, except maybe in front of my parents, though my dad's given up on censoring himself when he's around me. Although I tend to act different depending on who I'm with, the same, wisecracking me remains throughout. You could say I 'adapt' to others. If they speak to me in Mandarin I just speak to them the same. My Mandarin's at conversational level anyway. Ditto for Singlish and even English (the PROPER ENGRISH VERSION). I'd imagine this applies to most others out there. I could count on one hand how many people I talk to in real life using standard English, although to be honest I just use Singlish almost all the time. Online's pretty much the same minus the Mandarin.

Marvel at my ability to weave a tale of uninteresting facts out of something only loosely related to the topic beforehand. It'd explain why most people would prefer not to have a long conversation with me; I just babble on and on whenever I get the chance. 

On to music. On my last.fm account, (which can be viewed here: http://www.last.fm/user/ZeroDamageTCP) it shows that after Nana Mizuki, Mami Kawada is my second most-listened artiste. She used to occupy the top slot before I went crazy and got three Nana albums too.

The first song I liked from her was Akai Namida (Red Tears). It's from, um, Shakugan no Shana. I didn't have any interest in watching it until I heard the song, although the song only appeared in the movie. I don't know why, but I'm a sucker for piano and female vocals individually, but when put together the awesomeness is magnified tenfold. And so it was on constant rotation for quite a while...then I went and watched SnS sometime between last year and this year. Anyway, during the holidays. The OP was another favourite of mine. Basically every song she did for the show I loved to bits. Eventually I got her second full-length album SAVIA and it was, well, good. And that's my story. Great voice, and she doesn't look that bad although I'd prefer someone more...petite. Like Bunny Nana or something. Rofl. She has a new single coming out, once again for Shakugan no Shana, and I'd jizz in my pants the day the single is released. Of course, I'd watch the OVA as well =D

And...I slap on an anti-climatic ending. End post. If I feel like it I'll blog about the chalet I'm going for tomorrow. Should be fun. Bye for now.

Nana Post <_<

Don't you just feel the despair and desperation in this song, even if you can't understand the lyrics? Amazing song.

Speaking of Nana Mizuki, she's probably my favourite J-pop artiste. Hime Murasaki is just one of my favourite songs, there are tons of others which would be pointless to list, simply because I'm too lazy and there are too many of them.

Until next time, maybe. 

Holy Schmoke, This Blog Is Back In Black

Yes, I've changed my blog skin to one of the default templates...it was the one I used to start with, three years and ten months back. I've had some really shitty blog skins since then, and I decided that...well, I didn't need a tagboard, or links, or a silly Slipknot blogskin. Back to basics.

And I realised my previous post was the second time I was ranting about the same topic. Ooops, my bad about that. The second post has been deleted. I'm sure nobody wants to see me rant about the same topic twice.

Well...that's about all, I didn't really have anything to say.

Okay uhhh 'sorry' for the lack of updates even though I didn't owe anyone any. There was certainly stuff I could have talked about, like the fact that the majority of shoppers at my department are Indian, said Indians ask a lot of questions, and most of them do not even know how to fold clothes. Please don't attempt to fold clothes in your own way shoppers, I'd still have to fold them again later. Save your efforts and just dump them there for me to fold later <_<

And that's all! Mebbe another post when I finish my work tenure. TIRED.