Check

Here's your post YY. It seems you're the only one who regularly reads my blog now HAHA.

So...it's been almost a month since I wrote them resolutions and I feel rather proud that I've actually accomplished a few of them :) IMO la.

I think resolutions 1, 8-13 I've more or less accomplished. However, I'm still doing shit-all for work within my group, my selective memory still exists, I may or may not have more than one target (this one is really, really confusing so I won't elaborate), and I'm still not too empathetic yet; around the same as I'd always been actually. I haven't jogged once since making the resolution to get fit. 6 and 7 are pretty debatable; I feel like most people don't quite enjoy my normal voice. Sadly, my vocal range is low. I do practice here and there but I guess not so much.

Well...7 out of 14. Not bad, not bad.

Next point...my BIRTHDAY! *fanfare* Last year's birthday was kind of disappointing for me and I felt like I made the wrong choice. I did get some nice presents which I really appreciate (I'm still using that jacket, that mic is surprisingly still working and that poster is still on my wall :D the book's with my friend though lol. However, I finished it, so it's all good). I feel rather bad because I'm not the sort who normally buys presents and I receive presents regardless. Not that many but I wasn't expecting much anyway. This year I'm not expecting many presents too. Maybe 1-2? Birthday gifts may not be mandatory, but it's nice to receive them regardless. The best gift for me though, would be to celebrate it with my best friends, and having them enjoy it as well. Let's be honest; who wants to celebrate their birthday with a bunch of people who don't even look like they want to be there? No one. No exception here.

So, I hope I'll make the right decision this year and celebrate it with the right people. Not that last year I celebrated it with the WRONG people, but some couldn't make it and out of the rest, only 3 or 4 actually looked like they wanted to celebrate my birthday, which is kinda sucky. Then again it's just my impression, I could be wrong. But at least I'm being honest, which is a trait apparently associated with my horoscope. Truth is, it's not really nice to have the first birthday of the year out of your friends, because as the year progresses the celebrations get better and better. My birthday celebrations have always been rather sedate events due to my sheer laziness and I don't really like playing up the fact that it's my birthday - it's not supposed to be that special. Nowadays it seems rather special to me, so I dunno really. Of course there'll be the mandatory buffet with z3 League of Corruption. I'll always enjoy talking cock with them and eating ginormous amounts of food together.

Guess I'll go back to doing my work now. It's early in the morning and I haven't been this awake in a long time. Definitely not during the day. Bye :)

Resolute

Okay I guess I'll just get them out before I forget about them.

HAI. DIS BE RESOLUTIONS.

1. Rage less. Self-explanatory. 2010 was the Year of FFFFFFFFUUUUUUU. I can't count the amount of times I've had to do that. There will always be things that make me angry but it's my job to take them in stride and carry on.
2. Do more work within my group. All along I'd been carried by my teammates and they've also told me to start leading (at the risk of them failing). I shall try.
3. Remember stuff. The useful stuff. See, I have no problems with remembering stuff except I have this very bad habit of overlooking something important pretty much all the time, leading to failure. It's like something is always eluding me, that last jigsaw piece is always missing and by the time I've found it, it doesn't matter any longer. That is highly frustrating. To aid myself in this I've started using notes on my phone. I shall utilize notes more often because I've found them to actually work...so yeah. 
4. Stick to one. Another bad habit. Since I've already given up on 2 out of 3, this shouldn't be too hard...unless someone else comes in. Which seems to be happening. Choices will have to be made and they can't be the same ones I made last year because that ended up in failure.
5. Increase my empathy levels. Okay I'm not a very empathetic person for some reason; sometimes I can't comprehend a person's problems because I've had no experience with it myself. I try hard but it just doesn't turn out well, so I should start actually putting myself in others' shoes rather than thinking only from my perspective. I did that before and...again, that failed. It seems I really failed a lot last year. In my own opinion, of course.
6. Improve my singing. I can't sing as well as I'd like. The key is to practice...which comes to my next resolution: 
7. Practice moar. This applies to anything that I need to get better at. Guitar, singing, studies...the list goes on. I've never been one to practice. My best subject in secondary school was the one that I never had to practice for. Of course practice becomes easier when you actually enjoy what you're doing. But if I have to practice for something I don't particularly enjoy, I'll have to find a way to enjoy it more. That's all I can do, really.
8. Trust my friends. Self-explanatory. I don't trust my friends with a lot of things. It's hard for me to open up. I think some alcohol will help with that though XD
9. Be less jealous. Or better yet, don't bother getting jealous at all. My green eyes came up a hell lot last year and I didn't think it was necessary, yet I couldn't help myself.
10. Care more. This probably ties in with the fifth one. It's just my opinion but I don't think I care about others enough. Someone told me I put myself above others.
11. Get better clothes. My clothes are pretty tacky. I don't really enjoy wearing them and it shows. Years of never paying much attention to my appearace has reared its ugly head. Now that I'm paying a LITTLE BIT of attention, I feel like I really don't dress well for a guy my age. I'll need some help, but for the most part I have to pick my clothes properly.
12. Be less of a cheapskate. I'm a huge cheapskate. I always prefer to get cheaper items but they are never good enough. Quality is needed.
13. Learn what to say and what not to say. I've always prided myself somewhat for having no tact whatsoever when I don't require it, but now I think I should exercise some tact because I realise I can really hurt people easily merely by saying some words that are better not said. This will only come with experience though.
14. Get fit. I'm horrendously unfit right now because all I do is eat unhealthy food, sleep and sit at the computer all day. As a result I sometimes pant when climbing overhead bridges <_< So I shall go jogging on Sunday mornings if I remember to lol.

I think that's about all I can remember. I should read this post often so that I remember all this stuff. It's not easy to remember for me at all.

Happy 2011 :)

Niche

Hi, I'm here to tell a story. 

People, can be compared to a box of screwdrivers.

You have the ones who can (supposedly) do anything AND have a nice design. Swiss army knife? Yeah something like that. Then you have screwdrivers which can screw different bolts and nuts depending on its shape. AND THEN you have the screwdriver, that can barely fit in any bolts. It's small and unassuming, so it's hard to even twist it. It looks like crap. It can probably only ever screw in/out less than five nails in its pathetic lifetime. Yet, this screwdriver sits in the box waiting for its time when it's needed while pretty much every other screwdriver is taken out, somebody having found a use for it. Hell, some of them can't do shit but are used anyway because they look good, even though they probably break easily. Let's call that screwdriver the 'niche' screwdriver, since it can only unscrew a select few nails which don't seem to even exist.

But why are they picked over this pathetic small non-goodlooking screwdriver? Maybe they simply attracted the attention of the owner. A diamond-laden screwdriver. A screwdriver that was made completely black, A screwdriver with a fucken Winnie the Pooh on it. All these, somehow gets picked over the ugly screwdriver. I don't think I need to explain why. Despite their apparent uselessness.

And so the 'niche' screwdriver, sick of being overlooked all the goddamn time, decided to just walk out of the box and seek a nail that it can unscrew. There were several tables, chairs, desks, you name it. All chock-filled with nails, screws and bolts everywhere. And of course, it tried to unscrew all of them. Clearly you know the result: the screwdriver was unable to unscrew any of them. In fact, some were repulsed that the niche screwdriver actually tried. Others were more kind to it, but ultimately they knew that the screwdriver could never screw the. However, they told it that there was definitely a nail that the screwdriver could fit in - just not them, of course.

By this time the niche screwdriver was obviously quite pissed off. With the bolts that refused to be unscrewed by it. They were made to be screwed by others anyway. With all the other screwdrivers who got to screw them while it could not. And of course with the nails that refused to be found. But it knew it had to be patient. After all, it WAS made for a purpose. And while its purpose had yet to be found, there was definitely a nail it could unscrew.

The niche screwdriver said bye to all the previous nails. He didn't really fit with them but at least they tried to help it and stuff. And onwards it continued with its journey, to other places, searching for The One Nail.

AN: Okay I got this idea when I was in the toilet and I don't deny that it's based a bit off my life and my general frustration, but hey at least I'm not giving up. And I do believe I'm that niche. I mean, I can't do anything that other typical people can do. I do all the weird things that others don't. I don't satisfy people the way others can, and rather importantly, I just don't attract much attention even if I do something crazy.

Yet that's no cause for giving up on everything. For one, my conscience wouldn't even allow it. Another reason, I don't believe that One Nail isn't somewhere. I haven't found it but I sure do hope to find it :P Wishful thinking? Probably. But when the alternative is rotting in a corner begging for attention, I think I'll take the more stoic path.

I'm tired so I won't elaborate more. I ran out of creativity too. Hey, this is my first post in half a year. I said I'd close my blog when I got a girlfriend...I was just on a hiatus and ran to Twitter. Twitter is causing my English standard to go down like crazy since it has that annoying 140-word limit, so I felt the need to start writing again. I really feel like my calling is in writing, not in goddamn IT or eCommerce or developing mobile applications. I'm not interested in any of the three. Just another bad decision in the hundreds I've made. Well tata. Maybe I won't take another six months to get up another post.

Wahhhhwahhhhh - ze hiatus

I really tried to make a post several times over the past month, but failed every time. This'll remain dead until my mythical keyboard revives it :)

Nightenday

Has anyone ever noticed that when you try to ask for help ON SOMETHING LIKE FACEBOOK, you're actually wishing, with all your heart, that that ONE person will be the one who'd ask you 'what's wrong?' and you get really happy (well, slightly more happy than previously). Attention-seeking much? Yes. However, I wouldn't fault a person for doing it. Because I do it too <_< Most humans, that is, extroverts, crave attention. Only true introverts would say 'no, there isn't any point in doing something like that; I'm perfectly fine without having to receive attention'. And I realised a few days ago that I AM an extrovert, despite occasional evidence to the contrary, but it was simply because I do have a few introvert traits but on the whole I'm supposed to be an extrovert, albeit a rather shy one.

How extroverted, exactly? If I were to believe the test that I took (yes, I do enjoy taking tests like these), 51%. That percentage, however, is actually a 'socialibity meter', and Introvert is on the far left. Extrovert is, well, on the far right. I use too many commas, forgive me. So I'm just 1% over the neutral rating, but according to my friend that'd just count as being extroverted, so yeah. The description was also similarly neutral, but slightly leaning towards the extroverted side (HURR DURR). I do crave friendships and attention at times but not all the time. Sometimes I also like alone time although I cannot go with either for a long time, i.e. I can't be alone all the time, neither can I be in the company of friends all the time. The result of being neutral.

I also found that I'm really neutral about a lot of other things. I'm middle-brained (or as some would like to call it, a no-brainer), I generally don't have much opinion on things and most of my replies to a subjective question is 'ok lor'. Neutral, that's where I belong, apparently. Sometimes I walk on the line that is Neutrality into the thresholds of either side but at the end of the day, I can't change my nature that easily.

Ramble ramble. I'm kinda self-centered, eh? I don't even talk about other people often. That's because I'm uncomfortable talking about other people. I keep most of my thoughts to myself. Many people see it as having no thoughts, but just because I don't voice them out it doesn't mean I haven't got anything to say. As a result I'm a pretty quiet guy. If anyone's ever noticed, the talkative ones are the ones who just say whatever comes up in their mind. To be honest, my mind is probably as cluttered as theirs but the difference is those thoughts remain thoughts, except when I feel like dumping them of course.

No more juice nao. Not expecting anyone to enjoy reading the Self-Centered Life of Your Mather.

You know something? The less depressed I am, the less likely I'll blog. HAHA. Y'all better hope I don't post often because most of the time I post because I'm depressed over something or another. Although tbh the reasons always revolve around the same few people one la <_< girls and all. But those problems are (supposedly?) behind me now and I THINK I'm ready to, uhh, have no love interest? LOL. I can't remember a day for the past few years where I didn't have a love interest and having one just makes my life on the whole, sadder. Because it be so unrequited OKAY LET'S CUT THAT EMO CRAP OUT OF THIS POST SHALL WE? Even I'm getting sick of it.

Soooooo I haven't got anything to do besides study, but since my test is at 4pm tomorrow I think I can take it easy heh. Got past two tests so far, definitely not 'A' material, hell, not even B...but when you're on skype with one of the most talkative persons I've ever met while trying to study, not much is going to go in. Yes, being on skype hurts my studying :x

And dota, of course. Because of the damn WCG this Friday most of my brain cells were used on thinking about drafts and heroes and all that shit. And I'm not even sure I can get through the first round, or if I can make it in time for my Database test which is at 4! The match is at 3 and the test at 4; splendid timing, no? I'll just allow myself to be late, this just means I'll have to rush a hell lot but I always rush through my papers anyway. I use the extra time to do nothing just because I have that sort of extra time. I remember never having much time at all during maths papers even to stone, ahahahaha. Nowadays every paper I get at least half an hour to, well, stone. Mostly because I can't conjure walls of text based on facts. If my brain wasn't clogged with so much stuff I bet I'd get AD for every paper or smth. I'll just settle with C's even though I'm not supposed...I'm supposed to get at least B! But if there's one thing I've learned about studying, it's that if I was never good at something, I'll never become VERY good at it. Just...decent. With the exception of Java maybe, but that stuff was last sem work. A miracle that I got B for OOP, but that doesn't count for much in the overall scheme of things...gosh I really hate memory work and how Singapore's education system merely tries to make us remember a crapload of stuff in order to do well. I have half a mind to just go overseas and study instead since I don't think I'll ever get into an university here. The problem is where, and the MONEH.



Guess that's enough of non-emo rambling. Hope you like it more although I've gotten feedback saying my emo stuff is funny as well HAHA.

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. For me, the keyboard is mightier than the pen :ninja: